Michelle: What is it?
Axl: I need fifty dollars.
Michelle: Well, sitting on your ass, watching “Sanford and Son” reruns isn’t going to help…
Axl: … Fuc-
> > > an hour later < < <
[We open to Viruz’s room, where he’s sitting, cross-legged, in his Super Mario Bros. pj’s, tapping away at his trusty laptop… his favorite possesion.]
Vi: A few more minutes, and I’ll have cracked into the U.S. voting system! I’ll be able to successfully change ALL votes for McCain and Obama… to votes for my favorite candidate ; BILL!
Vi’s Imaginary Friend, Lester : Bill Clinton’s not running. His wife tried, but…
Vi: Not Bill CLINTON! Bill GATES! Duhh~!!!1 You’re SUCH a n00b, Lester…
“Lester” : Hey, atleast I’m not the one who’s so desperate for a friend that he resorts to having an imaginary buddy well into his late 20s…
Vi: … Fuck off, Lester.
“Lester”: Yeah, yeah, that’s all you ever say… Man, you annoy me, and I don’t even EXIST…
Vi: Who’s there?
Axl: Candy gram.
Vi: Oh get in here ya jackass!
[Axl does so.]
Vi: You’ve been watching too many old SNL repeats…
Vi: *sigh* What are you doing in here? Make it quick, because I’ve got something very important to do on my laptop.
Axl: What, jack off to Jerri Li’s last rant? That video of that asian chick getting gack poured on her got you all hot and bothered, didn’t it?
Vi: NO!!! … Now, that one with the sucker, on the other hand…
Axl: Hey, lemme see your laptop real quick, I’ve gotta check my e-mail!
Vi: No! Dude – *Axl yanks the computer away* – HEY! Dammit bro, gimme it back!
Axl: Hey, what’s all this election shit for? Dude, this is lame… Meh, I’ll just exit out of this boring junk.
Vi: Wha- NO!!! You son-of-a- … JUST OPEN ANOTHER TAB!
Axl: Man, they call ME a hot head…
Vi: But I have a REASON to be pissed off! You’re ruining all that hard work I just put into getting our nation’s greatest hero elected as president!
Axl: Greatest… hero? … So you were trying to get ME elected as president?! Awww, shit, sorry dude… DAMMIT! … This is all your fault!
Vi: I- … WHAT?! MY fault?! How the hell is it MY fault?!
Axl: You shoulda known better than tah trust me with your stupid laptop! Hell, my computer’s in constant ‘safety mode’, just in case I accidentally delete the hard drive!
Vi: … You CAN’T delete the hard drive. … It’s HARDWARE.
Axl: … Well see, I didn’t even know that, how do you expect me to work this fancy shmancy thing?
Vi: *grabs the laptop back* From now on, keep your DAMN hands off my stuff, ok? Seriously… and FYI, you’re NOT this country’s greatest hero! Bill Gates is!
Axl: … Who?
Vi: … Just tell me what you came in here for.
Axl: Well, I was wondering. Do you still have some of those Wii-Station 360s lying around?
Vi: Uh… well, not here, but I know where the planes dropped them all. Not too far off from those huge heaps of E.T. games for the Atari 2600 they disposed of years and years ago…
Axl: Huh. Well then, have I got a proposition for you!
Vi: I hope it’s not another pyramid scheme…
Axl: Even better! Picture this… The RE-LAUNCH… of the X-Station Wii60!
Vi: … Welp, good luck with all that. Meanwhile, I’ll be working on my laptop…
Axl: No! I mean you and I! Together! Rebuilding the empire of the greatest system to ever exist in the history of HISTORY!
Vi: … The DreamCast?
Axl: … NO! The X-Station Wii60!!! Jesus mother fuckin’ CHRIST, get on the damn ball man!
Vi: Yeah, there’s the hothead we’ve all come to know and loathe…
Axl: You and I, the Hierarchy Brothers, putting to together a truly awesome work of art! Painting a masterpiece! You and I… giving life to the Wii60, so it may rise from the ash, and fullfill its destiny as the forerunner of the System Wars! Because a system with all three of the current generation systems’ titles combined… has GOT to be better than all three of the current generation systems combined! Or atleast better. … Or maybe worse.
Vi: Believe me, it was worse before… far worse… and it’s not going to get any less worse. It could only get worse…er.
Axl: So, you call up the people who dumped all those consoles in New Mexico or Arizona or France, or wherever that place was, and you have them start putting those things back on the shelves buster, because SOON… in about… 10 days to be exact, the second first game to come out for the Wii60 will debut!
Vi: Ugh… alright, for the simple fact that, other than screwing with the election results, I have absolutely nothing to do… I guess I’ll go along with this retarded plan. Give me a few days to design a game idea, and I’ll run it past ya, ok?
Axl: Uhm… nah, I already know what I want you to make.
Vi: … But dude, I’m the guy who MADE this system… I planned everything, and I think –
Axl: Sorry man, I really don’t have time to put any thought into this. I just need to make this thing as quick as possible, sell one copy for fifty bucks, and hand the cash over to Trey, so –
Vi: Whoa, wait a minute… Trey? … Does this have anything to do with BoB?
Axl: Uhhh… nope. Can’t say that it does…
Vi: So who’s Trey? … Say, you don’t have an imaginary friend too… do you?
Axl: … What?
Vi: SOOO, about this game… what’s your idea?
Axl: Well, I was thinking… Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling has a game, right?
Vi: They do? … What’s Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling? Is it another WWE brand? Jeez, first they destroy the legacy of ECW, and now they’re coming up with lamer sounding show titles than Sunday Morning Chloroform…
Axl: Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling is the only televised wrestling company other than WWE.
Vi: Oh… you mean they’re actually on TV?
Axl: Yeah… on Spike?
Vi: … Dudley?
Axl: NO! Argh, forget it, just think of it like this. They’re a wrestling company, and they have a game. And they’re a wrestling company that someone like you, whose entire life has consisted of nothing but wrestling and gaming, has never heard of. So seriously… how hard can it be to make a successful wrestling game?
Vi: I dunno… seeing as I’ve never heard of ’em, I’m not so sure if the game WAS successful… in fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet it wasn’t…
Axl: Well, ok, let me rephrase that. How hard can it be to sucker SOMEONE into buying atleast one copy? Maybe even a whole stack! Door stoppers are always in high demand… Higher than crappy wrestling games, anyway…
Vi: Well… ok. What kinda wrestling game ya want?
Axl: I’m thinking… TNA : iMPLOSION! .
Vi: … You said TNA already has a game out… wouldn’t you rather make a BoB game? Besides, couldn’t this “TNA” sue?
Axl: Nooo, see, this TNA is ‘Total Non-Action Wrestling’! The other TNA’s game is ‘iMPACT!’, while this game is ‘iMPLOSION!’. iMPLOSION! is BoB’s tv show on G5… dude, you know that!
Vi: Meh, I never pay much attention to what’s going on in the world around me. My life on the computer is good enough for me.
Axl: *smacks forehead* Just re-shelve the consoles, make the game, and ship those games out A.S.A.P.!
Viruz: So much for this being a “partnership”…
Axl: Hey! We’re still a team, man! I’ll be busy, sitting here at the castle, on the couch, watching “Sanford and Son” reruns!
Viruz: … But… how does that help the team?
Viruz: … Fuc-
> > > a day or so later < < <
> > > close-up of newspaper headline :
– Local man buys crappy wrestling game for fifty dollars. Sues developer for fifty dollars. –
> > > close-up of a quote from purchaser :
“I lost five hours of my life to this game’s stupid story mode! Come on, the guy is beat up in the desert, and is forced to undergo plastic surgery, by some clod named Sillicone M. Plants. Every character you end up with has gazongas out to the moon! AND YOU CAN’T PLAY AS A CHICK! Who on God’s green Earth is gonna play a game where every guy ya play as ends up with fucked up orangutan titties?! It STINKS!”
[We find Axl holding the paper, with his fists gripping the pages… shaking with anger.]
Viruz: So… kinda sucks that was the only guy who bought the game… eh?
Axl: … FUC-
> > > several hours later < < <
[Vi returns to the house, after being dressed up as American Panda, and "beaten up" by his brother. He holds an ice pack to his forehead walking into the house... But as soon as he's out of Axl's sight and sound, Vi quits the act, and drops the ice into a cup... pouring himself a glass of beer. He chugs it down in about three seconds flat, before heading into his bedroom.]
Vi: Thank God I saved that copy of the instructions to hack into the voting system... I might be able to finish my work after all...
Vi: Hold on... where's my damn laptop???
[Vi looks throughout the room, but finds no trace of the computer... finally, Axl steps into the room. Vi stares at him... And as he sees a crisp fifty dollar bill in Axl's hand, it dawns on him.]
Vi: YOU BASTARD!
Axl: Huh? Dude, chill-ax! Don't have a cow, bro.
Vi: You... you... AGGHH!! You SOLD my laptop! For fifty dollars!!!
Axl: ... *looks down at the fifty dollar bill in his hand* Ohhh, this? Uhhh... yeah... yeah, I guess I did. But, DUDE, when I kick Trey's ass and take that beer back? And then, when I cash that sucker in, and take what's always rightfully belonged to me?! Why... we'll be rolling in loot! You'll be able to buy, like, TWO laptops!
Vi: ... Axl... get out.
Axl: But -
Vi: GET OUT! Get out... get out... GET!!! OUT!!! NOW!!!!!!!!~!!!11
Axl: I -
[Viruz grabs something from off the nightstand... and swiftly tosses it toward Axl, who wisely shuts the door before the object manages to connect with him. Instead, it connects with the door... It's a framed picture... the frame of which shatters, sending glass and cardboard across the room. Vi rushes over to the photo, as it floats gently to the floor... As it lands, Viruz picks it up, and stares at the front...]
[A picture of Axl, Viruz, and their parents... with Axl resting an arm over his brother's shoulder, and the two of them lifting the "devil horns" hand gesture. Vi stares at the picture in his hands for several seconds...]
[... before tearing the picture to shreds, and allowing the bits of paper to join the scattered glass and cardboard.]
Vi: Maybe Pigeon was right...