Studs: Hey… little fucker I’m wrestlin’ at whatever the fuck they’re callin’ the next show. Do you see this?
Studs: They’re havin’ the fuckin’ Super Bowl in there. Ya know why, jerkweed? It’s because Phoenix is BIG-TIME now. Once we got that gatdamn MLK Day passed in like ’94 or ’95 or whenever it was, it’s been like “Fuckin’ A” Christmas around here. The Coyotes still suck, but how ‘bout them fuckin’ D’Backs in ‘01? The Suns will get their shit soon and even the fuckin’ Cards are startin’ to get their shit straight. It’s all comin’ together. We host National Championship games, fuckin’ Super Bowls are comin’ to town… the Final Four will probably be in this mother fucker in a couple. Ya know? Do you know why, you scroungy little fucker?
Studs: The why IS… everybody wants to come to Stevie fuckin’ ville. That’s why. Ya see, Steve Studnuts runs this mother fucker. Steve Studnuts is Phoenix Arizona’s number one mother fucker. Sister fucker. Girlfriend fucker. Your girlfriend’s fucker. Other dude’s wife’s fucker. I fuck ‘em all.
I’m in the iAd and you have a title, shitball willy…. do the fuckin’ math.
Studs: Not that I’m a big fan of titles or anythin’ like that, but the fact that your fuckin’ ass has one makes me wanna take it. I want it just so you don’t fuckin’ have it, ya dig? At first, I thought you were Brandon Bitch Smacker or Totally Fudge Packed Jim or whatever the fuck his name is until Connie told me, “No, it’s the other fag.”
So now I got Massive Man, huh? What the fuck? Massive Man? Are you still wearing that toe guard, jerky? You know the one I’m talkin’ about, the one you put on there when you’re toe-fuckin’ Jimmy’s prostate so that you don’t get shit under your nail? Yeah, THAT one. What…. the….. fuck?
Studs: No, I don’t play for the Patriots or the Giants, get the fuck outta here.
Studs: The Swiss Army Belt on the line? Massive Man vs. Massive Gland. The Former Kent Stater vs. The Perennial Pussy Craver. Should be a fuckin’ hoot.
I’ll give ya a brief synopsis of our match. Feel free to copy and paste, writer guy.
First, I’m gonna kick your ass like you owe me some fuckin’ money or tried to cock block me. Not that you could, but you know what I mean.
I might sell a little bit seein’ as you’re the fuckin’ champ and all. Very little, I should say. Then I’ll hoist your dumb ass up, deliver the Death Valley (of the Sun) Driver, stand over your carcass, wiggle my hand in front of my face and say, “YOU CAN’T BE ME…BUT I KNOW, YOU WISH….YOU COULD BE!”
Bounce off the fuckin’ saggy ass ropes, stop right over your noggin’, simulate jerkin’ off, and give you the FUCK KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Right between the fuckin’ eyes. Ring the gatdamn bell, and I’ll leave you layin’ there like a sack of fuckin’ shit. Ya dig?
Studs: Pardon me, the Patriots’ Cheerleaders just showed up. I hate to cut this mother fucker short, but it’s ‘bout time to knock off a piece. Or three. I’ll see you and your puny little fuckin’ body at Totally Dead, then I’ll break you in half. I eat shit like you for breakfast.
Cheerleader: EWWW! You eat shit for breakfast?
Studs: Heh. That was a figure of speech, honey. This is a literal interpretation of another phrase I like to use… I eat pussy anytime of day.
Cheerleader: You don’t say…
Studs: I do say. And I like the fuckin’ buffet. Oh wait… I’m rhyming like that fuckin’ new guy. Scratch that.
ANY-way, grab a couple of your friends, I know you cheerleadin’ chicks are all up in each other’s gash anyway… let’s make it dinner for four, I have a reserved seat for you gals. On my face. Ya dig?
Cheerleader: You’ve got to be the most obnoxious, crude, vile, and egotistical human being I’ve ever met. But you’re hot. Hold on, I’ll go get them!
Studs: Obnoxious and vile? I guess she’s never met YOU, Trey! Ha! It’s all gravy, though…a quick fuck here and there, lappin’ up some hair pie nectar. Yummy! I’ll get to stabbin’ some trim here soon enough. And then I’ll get you, MM. I’ll try not to tire myself out too much here, sport. I’ll save a little bit of energy from fuckin’ pussy to killin’ a pussy. It really fuckin’ sucks to be you.