BOB eWrestling | Rant Zone Archive!

[Backstage at some arena. Or maybe it's in a school. Who knows? All we can see is a wall. And on that wall is a piece of white rectangular paper. And on the paper is written a name. The name of Kay Fabe. Then, a Kay Fabe chant breaks out. Then, a man with a pair of undies on his head walks into the shot. Why, it's none other than Xamfir! Or is it? Let's see!]

???: Hello everyone. My name is MEEEEEEAHHHHH! And I’m BOB’s newest undie-rviewer. MEEEEEEAHHHHH! Hey, ya think we can fix my name now that I’m not a mystery anymore?

[Eh. Fine.]

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: Ah, much better.

[Blow me Xamfir.]

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: Anyways. We are here today, backstage live in (he puts a hand over his mouth and mumbles something).

[Crowd POPS like crazy.]

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: And we are just moments away from interviewing the sexiest red-headed lesbian witch possibly possessed by a dead parody sports entertainer. Yeah. Or something like that. But, fans, STAY TUNED, because the HOT ONE will be back with me, right after this commercial break!

[Um, Xamfir?]

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: What?

[This is a promo. We don't have commercial breaks.]

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: Oh. Right. Well, I, uh. OK.

[MEEEEEEAHHHHH pulls out a panflute and starts playing. Until Urine walks into the shot!]

Urine: What are you doing, uncle?

MEEEEEEAHHHHH: I’m not your uncle.

[Urine is in a yellow Uri-Nation T-shirt and has a Urine Still Pees bandana on his head. He now has bleached his evil black hair bright yellow.]

Urine: You know it really doesn’t matter if I’m your uncle or not, uncle, cuz you see uncle, I have stared Death in the face, uncle, and you know something uncle, it change my life uncle. So you see MEEEEEEAHHHHH, I’m gonna be battling Loony Lenny, uncle, and he’s in for the pissing contest of his life, uncle!

[Crowd pops. Except for the Urine-haters who want him to retire since he sucks so much.]

Urine: He showed me the dictionary. He installed spell check. And now, Uri-mania is running wild here in (he puts a hand over his mouth and mumbles something).

[Crowd pops again.]

Urine: We’re gonna stand out in front of, hopefully, a few hundred Uri-holics. I’m gonna be drinking my fluids and whistling a happy tune. So Loony Lenny, what ya gonna do uncle, when the Uri-Nation PEES all over you, uncle!

[Fade out.]

Urine rant BOB Wrestling, Death, efed, ewrestling, fantasy wrestling, Loony Lenny, parody, Urine, Xamfir

[Urine is standing in front of a grave with a shovel. Hes digin in the dirt. He digs and throes. Digs and throes it in a pyle. Urine, the gr8 1 is real strong. NEthing he wants to do he can do and he will do. Just like now how hes diginup a grave up real good.]

U: Hey, looks whos grave im digin up 2nite. Look at the gravestone. XXXTreme Slut Bitch. Yep its XXXTereme aMachineas ded mom! Gess what Im gonna do to her. XM u r just jelous that I have less talent then u. Ur the past, im the furutre of jobbing. Ur just not xtreme enuff no more.

[Suddenly, Death arrives.]

U: Death? What da fuk u doin hear?

Death: I can go anywhere I want to. Are you telling me I can’t go to a graveyard? This is like my second home smelly boy.

U: Fuk u. Shut da fuk up bitch.

Death: If I wasn’t so pissed about the OWTTM rankings, I’d kill you. Instead, if my team loses, I’ll kill all of them. So you best expect some upsets.

U: Yeh, all I no is i get to pee on Sarah in round 1!

Death: Why are you yelling about Xxxtreme Machine then?

U: Cuz hes my bitch, bitch. Lik hes the onle 1 that can spell bad in BOb. Fuk that shit man. I can b worse than xm if i wana b. C?

Death: Your promos are becoming a joke, you know that, right?

U: Fuk off. U suk. Go kill sumbody so I can steel there body and pee on it.

Death: Is this entertainment.

U: Entertainment or Death? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

U: Shut up, u all suk. I fuked ur momma up the ass!

Death: Who are you talking to?

U: The house show crowd bitch. Pay atention.

[Urine starts shoveling agan.]

U: Run to the forest, Death! Run to the forest!

Death: Whatever.

{Death winds up and hits Urine in the back of a head with a scythe, knocking Urine out.]

Death: I’m not part of the Uri-nation. And you ain’t gonna ever pee on Death.

Urine rant brawlers on a budget, Death, efed, parody, roleplay, Sarah "The Jobber Slayer", Urine, XXXtreme Machine

[Fade in on Urine sittin on a tore up couch in some abandoned house or sumthin. By his side are his usual ugly ass ho's Slutty Sluttstein, the Jewish princess who looks like a mix of Rosy O'Donnell, Janet Reno and Roseann, and Crackwhore McCracken, who looks like a mixture of Briteny Spears, Christina Agulieriraia and Jennifer Anisnton, after gettin hit in the face with a baseball bat and set on fyre. Today, Urine is waring all yellow. His T-shirt sez: "I piss on you" and on the back it sez: "The world is my toilet......join the Uri-Nation!" The Jewish princess is holding a toilet brush, but thinks its a mic. She talks to the gr8 1, Urine, now!]

SS: So Urine, u r so hot. Can u fuk me?

Urine: Didnt you get enuff last night and five seconds before this promo started?

SS: No. Ur so hot!

U: I no. But Im here to talk about important stuff. The BOB tourmanent.

SS: Ur so gr8.

CM: What do u think about Billy Poler?

U: I think he suks! I think he should get on his knees and drink my pee! Im gonna kik his ass so bad he wont be able to tell the difrence from his ass and his face. That faggy gay homosexual ass licker flamer guy sucks. His breathe smells like ass!

SS: Ur so gr8. Lets fuk now!

U: Not yet bitch. I got sum more shit to say. Nobody thinks I can beat no 1. Mayb their write. Butt fuk them. All the members of the Uri-Nation are gonna open their mouths and drink my pee. And what you gonna do when I pee all over you Billy Poler! Now both u bitches spread ur legs and get ready 2 b my toilet!

[Urine farts in an ironic twist.]

U: How hot am I?

[Urine flexes his flabby arm and the girls moan in lust. They start chanting the gr8test 1's name. Urine. Urine. Urine.]

U: When I want u and I will fuk all nite and Ill make you cum over and over and over again. Every1 in BOB is so boreing. Why the fuk am I hear? I shuld main event every show! U r all crap and I am gr8! I am more better looking and more sexier and more evrything than every1. My pee gives the bitches u4ea! Everyone hear is ugly. And if u formed a football team, it would SUK!

SS: I LOVE U URINE. CAN WE GO NOW AND HAVE SEX PLEASE. I WANT U. BAD. SO BAD.

U: Y r u yelling bitch, Im write here nex to u. U r so stupid sometimes it makes my hed hurt. So Ill see u Billy in the tourmanent and kik ur ass. And ur face. And ur back. And every inch of ur gay body! And all the fans will go nuts becuz Im so kool! UR GONNA LOSE BILLY. TO URINE. So shut up Billy. Shut up and DIE! Ur disgusting. Ur a jobrony. Suk my dik. Im gonna kik ur ass real bad since u suk so bad. And u smell. Bad! Real bad. So bad it hurts my nose to smell ur smelly body. Now get the camera out of here so us 3 can have a orgy.

Urine rant Billy Polar, brawlers on a budget, e-wrestling, efed, parody, Urine

[Subway thing]

(A man is peeing on the wall. He looks nervously from side to side to make sure no pigs come. Cuz he’d probly get arrested or sumthin. After hes done, he zips up his zipper and puts his thing away in no particlar order. Probly before he zipped cauze otherwize hed have a problem, ha ha ha. That was good. After that guy leaves the screen, on comes the hero of jobbin, Urine! He lokks from side to side to make sure their aint no camera around and then he gets down on his hands and knees and slowly begins licking the wall. After licking the sweet yellow goodness, he gets up and suddenly has a pipe in his mouth. He flexes his flabby arm, which doesn’t magicly become muscle, and then bellows ARG ARG ARG ARG! His pipe toots twice. Urine heds back out to the other part of the place were he is and sees the camera. He starts to talk to it.)

U: Ive ben screwed! This fed suks! I should be the main eventer guy. Cuz Im so kool.

(A large group of kool kids walk by and they all cheer for Urine. He has to run away from the mob since hes such a big star.)

U: Now that Im alone again, I can talk to every1 in BOB. Oh shit, fuk it, I gotta get to a house show!

[BOB house show, taking place at A Guy Named Bob's house]

(“Golden Showers” plays and Urine walks out to boo’s. )

Fans: BOOOOOOOOOO!

U: U suk! Suk my dik!

Fans: BOOOOOOOOO!

U: Kay Fabe, I’m gonna kik ur ass! Really bad! Cuz u suk!

Fans: BOOOOOOOO! We want Kay! We want Kay!

U: Kay’s a lesbo!

Fans: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

U: Y the fuk are u cheering that shit for? Skrew u all!

Fans: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

R.J. (BOBs house show announcer, cuz God knows u need one): This is gonna be a knobberslocker!

The Prince: We want beavers!!!!!!!

U: Hey, shut up, Im not done talkin yet bitches! Ill make u my bitches, bitches! So shut up bitches. Ur nuthin but bitches, bitches. So shut up bitches.

Fans: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

U: I’m gonna beat u all to bloody pulps. And have ruff sex with ur fitlthy mothers. And ur football team suks!

Fans: BOOOOOOOOO!

R.J: It sounds like he means it! It’s gonna be a wild ride 2night!

U: Bitches, shut up! U bitches cant talk til I tell u bitches to talk. Fukin bitches. Quit yer bitchen bitches! All u r r bitches. All I c is bitches!

(Urine throws the mic at R.J. and knocks the cowboy hat off his head. Urine goes out to the announce (coffee) table and kicks him in his face. Urine unzips his fly and then pees all over R.J.)

Fans: BOOOOOOOO!

U: Fuk ur woodshed, meet my outhouse! The world is my outhouse! And everyone in BOB is gonna be pist on if my name isn’t Urine. Ur all members of the Uri-Nation! BOB is a toilet and ur swimming in my piss!

(“Golden Showers” begins to blare thruout the house show and Urine leaves to loud boo’s.)

Since this house show was created just for Urine, the Bob house show is over.

(c) 2002 Bob Wrestling.

(Bitches!)

Urine rant BOB, efed, ewrestling, fantasy wrestling, Kay Fabe, parody, Urine

(The camera goes into a graveyard of horror, somewhere in Cloudysale. Thdre is a dignng nooise that kinda of sounds like digging or something. Tis really soppookky. The camera keeps lolling for the sources of the noize. But at first it doesnt have no luck. Then it does. We see dirty being shoveled up. OUt of a grave!!! The horror! Dirty keeps cuming up like its being shoveled our. Out. Fix this later.

The gravy is about 6 feet deep. The person in the grave is shourd.ed, hidden by blackness. Its dark out. Its night time. Its dark at night. Write? Duh.

Suddenly, a man comes on screen. hes dressed all stoopid. He got a beerd and is really old. He looks down into the gravy and wonders whats goin on.

Old guy: Hay, u cant be down there you dum sum bitch. Get your ass out of their.

Man in grave: Oh no, I wil never be ridded from my home. The place wear I feel so good. So alive. In a grave! Now shut up.

Old guy: Water u doin?

Man in grave: Do u no whoo i am?

The crowd pops like crazee as everyone wates for the great wretsler to speak again.

Man in grave: Im URINE!!!! So PISS OFF beyotchhhhhh!

Urine’s music plays and he leaves the graveyard house show. Then he realizes he’s not at a house show and heads back to the old guy. Urine picks up the shival and hits the old guy in the head with the shival. And he keeps hitting him in the head again and again. Until he dyes!!!

Urine looks down at the guy and laughs evilly. Then he goes back to thae gravy and opens the lid of a casket. He sees an old woman in there. He has a raging boner. He cant wait to get her home and pee on her.

“Well, well, well,” a voice says at the top of the grave. “Urine. We meet again.”

“Little Good. What u want man?”

“I need your help.”

Death comes into the picture.

And sez: “We need your help.”

“I can’t believe I’m lowering my standards this far,” Little Good says. “But if the three of us kick the Slayer’s ass, I won’t regret this thing in the morning.”

“U tawk dumb. Man, why don’t you talk kool like me? Barsterd.”

Death looks down at Urine. And says: “Urine, if you join us for one time, and one time only, I can guarantee you I’ll always let you know where the dead bodies have fallen. I’ll give you the master key to every funeral home in town. And I’ll give you water. Lots and lots of water to drink so you’ll be able to continue your nasty habit.”

Urine scritches his head and pulls a thing of urine out from his thing. He takes a drink. He smiles.

“IK. Lets kick some arse!”

Urine rant brawlers on a budget, Death, efed, humor, Little Good, parody, Urine