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The doctor is Insane

February 17th, 2009

Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[The normal calm collective and insanely silly Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam wants to reply to the unjustified remarks made to him by that evil Doctor of Shitinomics, the insane one, the man who’s been institutionalized – Dr. Plants.]

SSTDY – Normally I’d be sitting here drinking my Yam Juicetm, but Mr. Plants has got me all riled up. You see Mr. Plants, I’m not fussed weither or not the eWmania Championship counts or not. At least I didn’t get one of my titles sold in a silent auction or given to a pirate. Which is a plus in my department. So think about that before deciding that my Title reign don’t matter.

[Sam pauses for a moment.]

SSTDY – And at least I don’t have to reside in a mental institution until or beyond Bearly Legal Requirements, so I wouldn’t be boasting to loud, Mr. Insane in the membrane. So why don’t you take your crazy white untrained ass back to the hell that is Death Valley, where you belong…

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New Boards, but same old Sam

February 15th, 2009
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[As we fade up to yet another rant from eWmania’s Champion of Champions, Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam, we can’t help but wonder what life will be the same now that for some silly reason they’ve changed boards.]

SSTDY – I got lost on the way over. Ended up on a website for single people. I’ve got 73 hits so far on my page. Having had this made offers for dates since I told all the female yams I was going to be on TV. Or at least on internet TV anyways.

[But here we are the new boards. What are we going to do now Sammy boy?]

SSTDY – First of all never call me Sammy boy ever again otherwise you can forget about those cases of Yam Juice[SUP]tm[/SUM] that I owe you, and two like always I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do next. Will I reign undisputed and undefeated as eWmania champion? I hope so. Will I clime the ranks of BOB and win the OWTTM? Hell yes. Will I join another company and spread the word of Yams everywhere? We shall wait and see, Mr. Judy in the Sky with Diamonds. Fate is an unknown factor so we shall just have to wait and see what happens next.

[That’s the longest I’ve ever heard you speak at one time Sam, are you on something?]

SSTDY – Well, you actually let me complete my script instead of ad-libbing which allowed me to speak my entire written promo thingee for this segment so all is well in the land of Yam.

[And with that being said I must now depart for another reality so until I have a match to roleplay for or I have to much time on my hands and decide to write another one, good day sirs and other peoples.]

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Bunny Booty

February 10th, 2009
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam after using WWYN (World Wide Yam Networktm the Yam’s internet) and surfing the Brawlers on a Budget website discovers the existance of the one known as Hamster Girl]

SSTDY – So I am not the only genetically modified personage in extistance in BOB? Say it ain’t so Voice in My Head.

[It ain’t so????]

SSTDY – That didn’t sound convincing.

[Wasn’t supposed to be. It’s the truth. There is a lass in Brawlers on a Budget called Hamster Girl.]

SSTDY – She looks hot!

[Yes, yes she does. Maybe you should ask her out sometime.]

SSTDY – Maybe I should…..

[We have I started? Fade to black….]

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Never submit to the Yam

February 9th, 2009
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[Amazing! Spectacular! Absolute Fluke! Some of the words used to describe Sam Sam The Dancing Yam’s victory over eWmania Champion Jive. He now returns to BOB to make a choice. A great choice even. Can he possibly take on the that scurge of the seven wrestlers Kid Pirate for the Swiss Army belt and jack knife himself into being a double championship ranking or if possible take on the title with the longest name in the history of professional parody wrestling.

[Will Sam become the first man in history to hold two Championship belts at the same time in the same place and make some hot Venusian Love Making with Kay Fabe afterwould. Or at least he hopes so when the check from eWmania comes through and he can actually pay for it!]

SSTDY – I heard that!

[Shut up you! You’ve just ruined the dramatic styling that I was flowing with.]

SSTDY – That was about as dramatic as Varga trying to read shakespare.]

[Good point. But I was trying to build you up butter cup.]

SSTDY – Thanks anyways.

[The Dancing Yam is trying to decided on which title he would want to go for. But he’s to busy drinking his Yam Juicetm, but he’s towards the title with the long name mainly ’cause it looks like the most fun. But if he will fight Kid Pirate and his silly pirates will happy do so.]

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The Yam Standard

January 30th, 2009
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam is standing solemnly in front of the camera.]

SSTDY – Ladies and gentle persons of the United States of outside the Yam Field just outside of New Jersey. It has been brought to my attention, that certain personages, namely that evil person hater Axl seems to think that 1) I am an unintelligent Yam, and 2) That all 14 year old boys in New Zealand still like Yu Gi Oh. As representative of Yams worldwide, it is my solemn duty to refute both these remarks immediately and without haste or hesitation. So my statement is as follows:

To Whom It May Concern (namely Axl):

Yams are in fact intelligent beings of intelligence. Studies have shown that even the dumbest Yams have IQ’s of 1.896247686732456795, which as most scientists will tell you is the combined IQ of the entire state of Texas whenever a cold snap hits. Statistics have also shown that yams have a 99.99% chance of being smarter then you. So (insert insult here). I would also make you aware of our match at the first BOB show of the year, which I won thank you very much. Showing that Yams are greater then even the great ones like you, Mr. Axl.

In reference to your second allusion, that 14-year-old boys living in New Zealand may all be Yu Gi Oh nerds. It is my duty to tell you otherwise kind sir. It is the position of the New Zealand Government and the United Parents Against Stupid Card Games (UAPASCG) that this in fact grossly inaccurate. Only 27.34% of boys 14 and under are in fact still fans of this card game, and only 71% of those tested would admit to their so called normal people that they are still in fact fans. This fad has greatly passed, unlike America where fads like these seem to takes years to pass away.

Yours truly,

Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam, Master of the Middle Yam, Winner of Gauntlet’s I & III, number one contender to the eWmania Heavyweight title, and dually authorized representative of Yams (Yams are Mighty Smashers) Worldwide.

SSTDY – I hope this clears everything up, as told by Axe in the back, And if he wants to fight for the right to eat bananas and insult other people that I shall see him in the ring whenever and wherever possible so that I may continuously interest Yams into his rectum and truly wreck them.

[As Sam leaves the podium, no one is really sure what just happened, as Sam’s mike was on mute the whole time, and no one could actually hear what he said, so all Sam really accomplished today was further insulting his own in limited intelligence, by trying to insult a man who had been insulting others for years, and who now, had ended up insulting himself instead.

[And for the second time today, there are spelling errors in nearly every sentence in this stupid rant/role-play/pie in the face for the new generations. Where it stops only the OWTTM Title knows. Good night America, God kill you all with potato’s.]

rant

No apparent reason except fun

January 14th, 2009
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[In den erstaunlichen Land von Sam Sam die Dancing Yam, können wir sehen, dass er sich bei einem kleinen Rest in der Hoffnung, gewinnt für einen Kampf auf BOB erste Show des Jahres im Januar Zwanzig Achtel.]

SSTDY – Speak English you fool. I don’t wish to have to rely on an unreliable Translator when it’s reliably unreliable.

[Sei ruhig du Narr. Ich bin für eine Prüfung üben.]

SSTDY – That may be true but we have a rant to polish off, and I doubt if the audience wants to hear you babbling on like an idiot for the new few hundred words or so in a language spoken by around 185 million people worldwide. I mean come the smeg on, what kind of person would do that to our vast and loyal fan base?

[We have a fan base? Since when?]

SSTDY – Since I won those two gauntlet match thingees?

[He gestures to the two Gauntlet Cup’s that lay on top of a particularly lovely carved Yam that’s made to look like a bedside table]

SSTDY – I have some Yam Fans. And you never know if I become popular enough I might complete my ultimate goal and get Yams recognized as an intelligent life-form. And dance like a maniac at the after party.

[Yes, yes. But shouldn’t you be more concerned with Lee Best and the Gauntlet Challenge? It could be as the name suggests quite a challenge.]

SSTDY – You see voice inside the head of the greatest Yam in the world.

[No need to get to penisy]

SSTDY – I will take Best on with the strength of 10,000 Yams, and when the dust clears Lee will be defeated like so much Yam Juicetm after a drinking session with that strange man who keeps punching his fellow degenerates while onlookers yell “Balls” or “This is Gonna Hurt”. Or that man who keeps entering someone called the “Sandman”. Two rather disturbing inderviduals if you ask me.

[Are you suppose to be cutting a promo against someone?]

SSTDY – Well I would if I had a match, but we shall see, as I have my eyes on that Title that seems to be able to hold itself, on no less then about four times if you include it’s current reign.

[He thinks for a moment]

SSTDY – Say isn’t it in control of a rather beautiful young girl who happens to be the ref? This could be fun.

[But first….]

SSTDY – It’s dancing time.

[Sam flicks on the Yam-o-vision Televisiontm and the greatest dance hit since ABBA, You Can’t This begins to blur and Sam dances like a maniac]

rant

Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam Promo

December 10th, 2008
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Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

***The Scene opens on a Yam Farm outside of New Jersey***

*Sam Sam The Dancing Yam is sitting in his little part of the yam garden. He looks up and sees the camera looking at him recording his every action for the next few minutes while he introduces himself to those that are BOB. Those evil little pricks that call themselves “wrestlers” and those other people that call themselves “Backstage Crew”*

Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam – Well, hello peoples who are out there in the land outside of my lovely Yam patch. I greet you in the name of the great Yam in the sky.

*Sam begins smiling*

SSTDY – Some of you peoples that aren’t my lord and master, Foamy, are probably wondering how I became such a great guy!

*He pulls up a Chalkboard which has some photos tacked to it.*

SSTDY – You see, my Lord and Master, Foamy The Squirrel created me in an evil gentic experiment involving *he points to the respective pictures* Yams, Banana Cream Pie, Squirrel DNA, Human DNA and whatever they where having for lunch that day. And out came *points to himself* ME.

*He puts down the chalkboard smiling to himself and to the audience. After a few moments he looks back down at the chalkboard, scratching his head in confusion*

SSTDY – Since when did we start putting chalkboard randomly around the fields for such explanations like the one I just gave?

*He just shrugs*

SSTDY – Ah well it could be worse. At least they aren’t leaving clones of the Lord and Master. ‘Cause that would just be stupidly random and without reason. That and the last time they did that I had to unleash my secret Yam powers to stop them and Lord Foamy wasn’t very happy about that.

*Anways he turns back to the naughty camera, considering he forgot that I was there for a moment, like he forgets many things. But then again he is part Yam and since when did Yams have memories. Can you really tell me the last time a Yam had a memory?…….. Can’t think of any? Thought so. So :-p to you. Anyways back to Sam.*

SSTDY – Yes, thank you Mr. Commentry person. Not that the audience really needed to have smarmy comments thrown at them did they?

*Not really no. But I was trying to interact with the audience other then letting them know what you’re doing. It can get quite boring doing that you know?*

SSTDY – One can guess. But I’ve got to say goodbye as I think we’re out of time for today.

*But we’ve only just gone over one page on Microsoft word. How can our time be up?*

SSTDY – ‘Cause I was only suppose to introduce myself so my application could go though so just describe me waving goodbye and we can finish our conversation later.

*Okay, but you owe me one for this. Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam smiles graciously out at his audience and waves goodbye.*

SSTDY – Goodbye everyone.

Fade to Black…

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