BOB eWrestling | Rant Zone Archive!

[Cotton candy, sugar, fireworks, pizza, ice cream, rollercoasters and skateboarding. It was all a haze of candy fueled insanity that had finally come to an end. Hamster Girl was sat on the floor, leaning against the wall of a disco.]

Hamster Girl: I am soooooo hung over.

[Empty packets of ice cream sandwiches and soda bottles lay around her. Hamster Girl holds her head in pain.]

Hamster Girl: Why did I have to have so many pixie sticks?

[Clive clears his throat a little, trying to get Hamster Girl to hurry up. She looks up into the camera, her eyes bloodshot solid and her lips dryer than a camel’s hump. She holds her tummy as it makes funny noises.]

Hamster Girl: Now that Indigo has left BOB, what a jobber, I’m left all alone. And to start making a name for myself I am going to try and get in that hardcore match at Bearly Legal. Hopefully it wont be too hardcore, but I suppose I have to toughen up some day.

[She tries to stand up but falls flat on her tushy.]

Hamster Girl: Clive! Help me up!

[Static.]

Hamster Girl rant

[Indigo and Hamster Girl are in a hotel room. The ceiling fan above them wafts cool air onto the tops of their heads as they pack their clothes into a leather suitcase. Indigo is stood on the balcony, sipping chilled brandy from a glass as he stares out at a Caribbean sunset.]

Hamster Girl: Have you seen those cigars?

[Indigo turns his head over his shoulders and shrugs.]

Indigo: We wont get them past customs anyway.

Hamster Girl: But they smell so nice! Way better than that marijuana you bought.

Indigo: We definitely wont get that past customs.

[Hamster Girl stuffs the last of the Hawaiian shirts into the suitcase and tries to close it. She jumps up and sits on the lid to try and get it shut.]

Hamster Girl: You aren’t doing shit! Our flight to America is only in an hour! I bet you didn’t even call a taxi yet.

Indigo: Don’t worry, I did. We’ll be there on time.

[Hamster Girl smiles the cutest smile you’ve ever seen and claps her hands.]

Hamster Girl: Yay!

Indigo: Don’t get too excited, I hear the place we’re going to work for is a real shithole.

[Hamster Girl pouts.]

Hamster Girl: Don’t say that!

Indigo: It’s true. They even had a guy running around covered in dookie with a scat gimmick.

Hamster Girl: What does scat mean?

[He brushes her neon pink hair and pinches her cheeks.]

Indigo: Something you don’t ever want to know about.

Hamster Girl: He’s gone now though, right?

Indigo: Yes, and he’ll never come back. We’ll make that place a much nicer environment to work in.

Hamster Girl: Yay!

[Indigo picks up the plane tickets from the desk and stuffs them into his back pocket. He takes Hamster Girl by the hand and leads her to the door.]

Indigo: Are you ready to start a new life?

Hamster Girl rant brawlers on a budget, e-federation, e-wrestling, Hamster Girl, Indigo, parody, roleplay