Archive

Author Archive

VROOM, VROOM!

July 20th, 2002
Comments Off

{{{{Scene: The Next Big Thingee in BOB is at the try outs for a new Mazda commercial. Some talent scout lady calls him into a room from the lobby of a waiting area where a bunch of young boys are accompanied by their parents and are being warned not to screw up their vicarious chances at stardom. The scout lady looks at Dustbuster Boy a bit strange, since he’s kinda old to pass for a young boy, but lets him in anyway.Once inside, they tell him to step on an X on the floor and look at a set up camera. Then read the line, zoom, zoom. This follows.}}}}

Dusbuster Boy: Vroom, vroom!

Guy: No. The line is, zoom, zoom. And quieter.

Dustbuster Boy: VROOM, VROOM!

Guy: Are you hard of hearing? I said quieter, almost like a whisper. And lean forward and stare at the camera.

{{{{He does the last bit there.}}}}

Dustbuster Boy: VROOOOOM, VROOOOOM!

Guy: Hey! Who let this, guy, in here. (I think he just looked up for the first time.) He’s obviously not a little boy. Who are you and why are you here?

Dustbuster Boy: I’m Dustbuster Boy. And I heard you need a boy to sell cars. Nobody cleans a car like my dustbuster. I’ll get them real clean so everyone wants to buy one!

{{{{He then reveals the dustbuster, which he had been cleverly hiding behind his back with his left arm all this time. He then revs up the motor. Kinda like a motorcycle. But in dustbuster form, to show off his manhood. And is his manhood in scale (motorcyle to dustbuster)? One can only assume}}}}

Dustbuster Boy: I can vaccuum out all your cars and make ‘em real purty. Just like your lips.

Guy: I think you misunderstood the classified ad.

Dustbuster Boy: (Quietly) Ad?

Guy: We were looking for a new spokesboy for our ad. Not a reject from wherever you come from. You really think you could sell a Mazda?

Dustbuster Boy: Probably not, since I can’t sell wrestling moves too good yet. I’m a rookie.

Guy: You’re a what? A wrestler? You look like you should be working at Burger King.

Dustbuster Boy: Yeah, like I could get such a high-class job. I can’t even get your precious car cleaning job.

Guy: There is no car cleaning job!

Dustbusuter Boy: Oh, so you filled it? Then why are you interviewing me?

Guy: Get OUT!

Dustbuster Boy: Fine, Mr. I’m-Too-Good-To-Interview-Someone-Too-Old-For-A-Job-You’re-Not-Even-Qualified-For.

{{{{Dustbuster Boy leaves the building and sits down on the street and cries. Booohooohoooosobsobboohoooo. Then, a man put his hand on Dustbuster Boy’s shoulder. He looked up and a Styrofoam cup on a string hit him in the eye.}}}}

Man: Excuse me, sir. Are you Dustbuster Boy?

Dustbuster Boy: Yes (he said wiping his nose on the length of his arm with a snort).

Man: My name is Peter F. Hayman. F. Hayman for short. And I would like to be your agent.

Dustbuster Boy: I’m not an actor. I can’t even get a vaccuum job. I can’t even spell vacccumm right.

F. Hayman: Well, we’re gonna turn you into THE NEXT BIG THINGEE in BOB. You are a cookie monster!!!

Dustbuster Boy: I thought it was rookie monster?

F. Hayman: Avoiding lawsuits Dust.

Dustbuster Boy: Can’t I be a nookie monster?

F. Hayman: We’ll talk.

Dustbuster Boy rant , , , , , ,