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The doctor is Insane

February 17th, 2009

Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam

[The normal calm collective and insanely silly Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam wants to reply to the unjustified remarks made to him by that evil Doctor of Shitinomics, the insane one, the man who’s been institutionalized – Dr. Plants.]

SSTDY – Normally I’d be sitting here drinking my Yam Juicetm, but Mr. Plants has got me all riled up. You see Mr. Plants, I’m not fussed weither or not the eWmania Championship counts or not. At least I didn’t get one of my titles sold in a silent auction or given to a pirate. Which is a plus in my department. So think about that before deciding that my Title reign don’t matter.

[Sam pauses for a moment.]

SSTDY – And at least I don’t have to reside in a mental institution until or beyond Bearly Legal Requirements, so I wouldn’t be boasting to loud, Mr. Insane in the membrane. So why don’t you take your crazy white untrained ass back to the hell that is Death Valley, where you belong…

rant

  1. February 17th, 2009 at 11:41 | #1

    [Dr. Silaconne M. Plants is sitting behind his overly priced marble office desk at “Leave it to Cleavage”, [obviously purchased by his selling of the NGETFA tag-team titles] and which is located in his newest in a chain of botchy augmentation clinics. Business is slow, so he has time to respond to the nonsense perpetrated by BOB’s supposedly newest “hot young prospect.” Plants has sat his ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS on the desk for dramatic effect, or perhaps just to show it off. Maybe both…]

    SMP: *ahem* I have called this camera man from BOB, which I assume is Clive…

    [The focus on SMP bobs up and down as Clive nods]

    SMP: …because SOMEBODY in this promotion is SO STUPID he needs immediate attention to correct his asinine ways and comments.

    First of all, I’m not institutionalized, you moron. As you can PLAINLY see, I’m not in a psyche ward. I escaped out of the window, can’t YOU READ? Er, watch the promo? This is not to say I probably don’t need it, especially when I have to deal with the likes of you… but as of now: I’m free to remove my $500 Italian silk sock, take off my $1000 Italian hand stitched loafer, and shove my MILLION DOLLAR ITALIAN FOOT so far up your DOOKIE POOT, CRUSTY ASS that you’ll become the first person alive to eat a TOE JAM SANDWICH FROM THE INSIDE OUT!

    [Plants grabs the OWTTM and holds it up close to the camera]

    SMP: Do you SEE this, Sammy boy? THIS is what makes you number one. THIS is what makes you the top of the food chain. To put it in your context, you are a YAM, and I’m a Lepidotera larvae. In other words… I EAT punks like you.

    [“The Smooth Operator” sets the title back on his desk.]

    SMP: Do you actually THINK you can casually mention that you’re going to win this title with a nonchalant “hell yes” like it’s your destiny? Come again? Maybe if Axl had it, or if Hardcore JJ, god forbid, had the strap again. But “The Dirtiest Boobie Enhancer in Wrestling Todayâ„¢” has it now, Sam, Sam, the Retarded Yam… and that’s a whole new world you know NOTHING about.

    You talk about this belt, you talk about me. You talk about winning this belt, you’re talking about beating ME. You started this, so my “response” was justified, let your narrator know. And know this, some dancing fool with floating html tags hasn’t a chance in HELL of defeating me. Get it? Got it? GOOD!

    [Plants loosens his tie, and unbuttons the top three on his shirt.]

    SMP: I sold the tag straps and gave up the Swiss Army belt because defending two singles titles and tag belts BY MYSELF was a little more workload than I cared to take on right now. Besides, defending the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS is all THAT MATTERS. It says so right on the belt. IT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.

    It DOESN’T MATTER how many gauntlets you win over at eWmania, and the eWmania championship IS A JOKE. The tournament was A JOKE. I know, I was there. You basically got the belt because Jive, after he dropped it, pretty much quit. The title is so LAME he didn’t even want to recapture it! What does THAT say about you? It says simply… YOU TOO ARE A JOKE!

    Now THIS title, [he picks up the OWTTM and sets it back on his desk] has a history and value that dates back 10 YEARS, not just what? Four months? Like yours do. You have no pluses in your department, other than the fact that you have yet to meet me in the ring.

    Because when you do, you’re not going to be winning THIS championship, you’re going to become Sam, Sam, the Sacrificial Lamb Yam!

    [SMP slaps the OWTTM off his desk]

    SMP: I’LL KILL YOU! I registered to this forum, AGAIN, just to let you know. You’re on the list, pal. You’ve been warned.

    [Plants gets up from his desk and pie faces the camera, knocking Clive to the ground. Due to Clive’s no bump clause in his contract, it’s probably gonna cost The Doc. He doesn’t care, though, he just sold his tag team titles and cheated Scatman out of some money for the Swiss Army Belt, so he has some extra cash laying around.]

  2. February 18th, 2009 at 05:29 | #2

    [Suits that are worth thousands of dollars, declared mental insanity, BOB OWTTM, and The Dirtiest Boobie Enhancer in Wrestling Todaytm.

    SSTDY – You make some interesting points, Mr. Plants. Not that I was actually listen to the rants of a man that is quite probably mentally insane. Because though quite possibly this Yam is a retard, at least he wasn’t forced to escape from a mental institute to be able to defend a title at a PPV, who’s name is ripped of one of my handlers favorite wrestling promotions before the WWE got their naughtly little hands on it. I only know of the points that you made because those phrases hit me like a slap in the face from a hot chick who’s just rejected me for the third time in one night.

    [Sam begins playing with the eWmania Belt.]

    SSTDY – You see, Mr. Plants I don’t have money, nor do I have a funny gimmick title. I am who I am. And I see no shame in being the world’s first Human/Yam Hybrid or a guy with a serious mental condition who thinks that. I Yam what I Yam, no matter what I Yamtm. And as for the OWTTM, well it may have a history of 10 minutes, 10 years, or 10 decades. I am still a CHAMPION just like you. I have to overcome STIFF OPPOSITION just like you. And like you, Mr. Plants I won a BIG MATCH, just like you.

    [Sam smiles.]

    SSTD – And though I may not win YOUR championship I will somehow beat some respect into you. I will show you that this Retard Yam, friend of Xanta Balls, voices in my head, and many crazy things can beat the odds and do many great things. That I promise you, Mr. Plants.

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