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Winner. Winner. Kobe likes fried chicken for dinner?

February 11th, 2009

The Great

(The Great walks in to Little Johnny’s room as Johnny frantically tries to reboot Cyborg Angelina X. Not like that, you sick, perverted perverts! Get your mind of the gutter! Johnny’s in kindergarten for crying out loud! Shame on you! Shame on you all! Ummmmmmmm.

The Great: Johnny? What are you doing?

Little Johnny: Obviously rebooting my cyborb in a totally non sexual manner, does it appear otherwise? Your simpleton sidekick, Peter Trable, corrupted her data base with a Toothlesspac Shakur rap that would make even Biz Markie sound coherent.

The Great: Let The Great listen to it.

Little Johnny: No! I will be punished for its vulgarity and innuendo!

The Great: Nonsense, Pete made the rap, how could The Great punish you?

Little Johnny: Okay then, you asked for it.

(Johnny points a remote at the robot, its t.v. screen head comes to life, its accordion tube arms swing in the air like they just don’t care, and just when you think DANGER WILL ROBINSON will blurt out, you hear something worse.)


(The Great looks slightly amused.)

The Great: That wasn’t so bad. The Great somewhat enjoyed that.

Little Johnny: That’s the clean part, Father. The Wal-Mart shelf version. The specialty store hardcore, get your parent’s permission to purchase portion in forthcoming. You’ve been warned. I’m completely awash of co-conspiracy, correct?

The Great: The Great guesses so.

(Little Johnny gulps and points the remote again at the robot.)


(The Great looks around nervously.)


The Great: Umm, that’s probably good. Turn it off.


The Great: Son? Can you turn it off?

(Johnny uses the remote to lower the volume.)

Little Johnny: That’s precisely what I was going to inform you about, Father. Pete locked in the digital voice simulator with an intricate pattern of passwords and trigonometry. I can’t break the code, and I’m still alarmed at the fact I used Pete and trigonometry in the same sentence. He must have accidently created a near impervious protection device on the voice emit. Give me a day or two.

The Great: Fine, just keep the volume down so your mother doesn’t hear it. She’ll ground all of us!

Little Johnny: I don’t sweat the Breeder. Besides, isn’t it on a shopping spree with other greedy spouses?

The Great: Of course.

Little Johnny: I have two days then. At the minimum.

The Great: Do the best you can. The Great can’t afford being kept home with this GYANT encounter on the horizon. The Great, as is Kobe Gyant, is on the threshold of huge things in 2009. The Great and Kobe Gyant are the true future of BOB. Not the current champion who’s rumored to be going to surround himself with a bunch of old STWF guys and putting together some half assed ‘Feature Match Mafia’, not the panda bear, not the wizard guy, nor the chick with the metal on her face or the guy covered in feces, and certainly not the dude that lamely sends his promos in via third party email. No. It’s The Great. It’s Kobe. The Great will give the man his due, he’s very talented and very dangerous. He’s on the rise. But so is The Great. The winner of this match will get the inside track on being the leader of the new BOB. The Headliner of Tomorrow. The Next Big Thing.

Little Johnny: Umm. Wasn’t that Brock Lesnar?

The Great: Is Brock Lesnar in BOB?

Little Johnny: No.

The Great: Then no, it’s not Brock Lesnar. Although The Great heard John Cena was coming to the Brawler’s on a Budget.

Little Johnny: I figured Lesnar would eventually show , he’s been everywhere else it seems. Maybe Kimbo Slice? He’s certainly lost some luster after he got KTFOed. BOB would be a nice fit.

The Great: Did you just say KTFOed?

Little Johnny: Yes. So?

The Great: Since when was it okay for you to swear, even if in letter form?

Little Johnny: Gah? Huh? Oh wait, wait does it mean? I do not know, I’m only in kindergarten, remember. Look at me! I’m five years old!

The Great: Nice try. You’re grounded.

Little Johnny: Okay, I’ll tell the Breeder that you made Pete Trable program my robot to speak like Chuck D and see if you get to iMPLOSION! 16 mister.

The Great: Alright, ALRIGHT! You’re ungrounded.

(The Great then turns to the camera)

The Great: Kobe. It’s game time. The Great doesn’t condone Pete’s silent auction purchase, The Great likes to earn what The Great gets. The Great is going to pretend that you are the tag-team champions and what stands between The Great and GREATNESS in the Brawler’s on a Budget. It’s a new attitude era, and you are The Rock and The Great is Stone Cold. The Great may even pull out a Stunner 03. The Great will see you soon. Son.

(The cyborg Angelina X passes by the camera one last time.)



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