Breakfast
[The Fetish Freaks’ very own Asian bombshell, Jerri Li, is sat in front of a broken mirror combing her hair. Tentacle Beast and Scatman are stood, in the background, before a hot, sizzling frying pan as they unload a horde of ingredients from a plastic bag.]
Scatman: Brace yourself Tentacle Beast, for the best damn omelette you’ve ever eaten.
Tentacle Beast: Nothing can beat human eggs eaten right out of a Japanese schoolgirls melting pussy as her screams reach ultrasonic!
[Scatman mimics mockingly.]
Scatman: Eeyaaagh! Yamate! Oh please, this is my extra special eggs benedict recipe.
Jerri Li: It involves faeces doesn’t it?
Scatman: No! Well… yeah, just a little bit.
Tentacle Beast: I’m not eating shit! I learned my lesson after your chocolate soufflé.
Scatman: That was horse manure, this is super rare baby poo!
Tentacle Beast: I suppose you raped the baby you took it from.
Scatman: I’m not THAT perverted! I know you like underage girls but I don’t hit that shit until it turns 16.
Jerri Li: That is underage!
Scatman: If it’s good enough for the British…
[Scatman dumps the contents of the bag into the frying pan before pulling a handful of faecal matter out of his pocket.]
Tentacle Beast: No, Scatman. Just… no.
Scatman: Oh come on! It’s rich in vitamin c!
Tentacle Beast: Fool me once, shame on me.
Scatman: Whatever. More eggs for me.
[Scatman drops the shit into the frying pan.]
Scatman: Hey, Jerri. We don’t have a spoon. Can you stir this with your hand?
Jerri: Sure, turn the heat up though.
[The camera fades out of this delightful breakfast scene as Clive throws up.]