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Scrabble Dabble Doo

October 8th, 2008

The Great

(The Great and his wife are sharing an intimate “dinner”, complete with generic soothing background music, candles, and an obvious lack of romance. The Great is gingerly poking at The Great’s food with The Great’s fork.)

The Great’s wife: What wrong, dear? You’re not eating.

The Great: What is this stuff? It’s making The Great’s belly ache.

The Great’s wife: Canned brains! I saw a commerical for them the other day and thought I’d heat some up. You don’t like them, do you?

The Great: Perhaps The Great would like them if The Great was The Great Zombie. The Great wants a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Honey baked ham. Mashed potatoes and homemade gravy—

(The Great drifts off to a state of consciousness where he could be mistaken as The Great Zombie. He sits there, shoulders slumped, head cocked to the side, blank stare. Drooling.)

The Great: Tuuuuuurkeeeeeeeeeey—

The Great’s wife: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

(The Great is startled back to reality)

The Great’s wife: Is that all you ever think about is yourself? What about me? I slave around here all day, I have needs! And you bought this! What did you buy me?

(She shoves a Scrabble board at him from across the table.)

The Great: The Great had to purchase that. The Great has to train.

The Great’s wife: Oh yeah, for that stupid wrestling promotion that never pays you? To win what? A SCRABBLE GAME? What’s that have to do with WRESTLING?

The Great: The Great needs to win a Scrabble game to determine the best entry for a Swiss Army Belt title match in the Brawlers on a Budget. It could lead to a huge pay date—- for The Great.

The Great’s wife: Do you really expect me to believe THAT? You haven’t made a DIME since you started there!

The Great: That’s nonsense. The Great has most certainly made a dime. At least a dime.

The Great’s wife: Not only are you a money earning laughing stock at wrestling, you take your frustrations out on the boys! Why did you ground Nick and Johnny?

The Great: Huh? The Great did not ground anybody.

The Great’s wife: Then why have they been moping around here for weeks?

The Great: Something to do with XBOX and plutonium, or the fact that those didn’t arrive in the mail, The Great speculates.

The Great’s wife: WHAT? WHAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaT? NICK! GET DOWN HERE! I’ll find out RIGHT NOW what you’re talking about!

(Nick, their 10 year old son, appears at the table. He appears saddened.)

The Great’s wife: Nick, why did your father ground you?

Nick: Huh? I’m not grounded.

The Great’s wife: Then why are you acting like you’ve lost your best friend?

Nick: I did. Well, I didn’t really lose him ’cause he never showed up.

The Great: See?

The Great’s wife: That proves nothing! What was your friend’s name, dear?

Nick: XBOX 360.

The Great’s wife: Oh—

Nick: Hey— (pointing at the Scrabble board) what’s that?

The Great: It’s a game.

Nick: What kind of game? Where’s the controller?

The Great: It’s a board game called Scrabble, son.

Nick: Board game? That’s lame! It doesn’t even hook up to the t.v.! How do you play it?

The Great: You form words using letters and get points.

Nick: Spelling? A spelling game? THAT’S SO FREEGGIN’ GAY!

The Great’s wife: NICK! GO TO YOUR ROOM, YOU’RE GROUNDED!

Nick: AW MOM! What’d I do? MOM? WHAT’D I DO?

The Great: The Great thinks you overreacted.

The Great’s wife: My son will not talk like that.

(The Mother in Law walks into the dinning room at looks at the Scrabble board)

The Mother in Law: SCRABBLE? I love Scrabble! I used to be a champion back in the day!

The Great: Really? The Great might have finally found a reason to like your mother!

The Great’s wife: You’re a pig!

The Great: A lucky pig perhaps—(he looks at his Mother in Law) You want to play?

The Mother in Law: Why yes! I thought you’d never ask! I’ll show you some words that nobody thinks are even words! Like that one time when I won a regional final with “fez”. Z is a twelve pointer, you know? Ah, the memories—

The Great: Don’t talk, please. Just play. The Great will take notes.

(They scurry off to another room.)

The Great’s wife: What about your supper! Aren’t you going to eat?

(offscreen The Great): The Great can’t clean that plate. The Great is stuffed. Feed it to the dog.

The Great’s wife: FINE! See if I break my back cooking for you again anytime soon.
(She begins calling the dog) Come here, girl! Here, girl! *whistles* Come here, Crystal! I have some dinner for you!

(A scraggly white poodle walks into the scene. The Great’s wife sets The Great’s plate on the floor.)

Dog: *whimper*

The Great’s wife: Awww, eat it already for crying out loud!

Dog: *whimper*

The Great’s wife: Spoiled brat! I suppose you want some Scooby Snacks?

Dog: *wags tail*

(Somewhere in a haunted mansion where the gardner is plotting to get away with something that would have worked if it wasn’t for meddling kids.)

Scooby Doo: Scrabble Dabble Doo!

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