Winner, Winner, Turkey Dinner!
[We open on a sign: Reb's Turkey Farm. The camera pans left to reveal several turkeys wandering around in the darkness, along with a taller figure hooded figure. Why, it's none other than Death. He is creeping up on one unsuspecting turkey eating some feed in the dirt. Suddenly, Death dives.]
Turkey: *Gobble gobble*
Death: Damn it. I’ve never had to kill an animal before.
[Death dusts himself off.]
Death: Why couldn’t BOB afford that helicopter and the shotgun. This would’ve been so much easier.
[Slowly, Death creeps toward the turkey again. Dives!]
Turkey: *Gobble gobble*
[Misses again.]
Farmer: Excuse me there, fella. What ya doin’ to my turkeys?
[Death turns around to see the farmer.]
Death: Well…if you must know, I’m trying to kill one of your turkeys.
Farmer: Really? Why? What did they do to you?
Death: Well, that one right there won’t let me kill it for starters…
Farmer: Are you trying to kill it, or, um, lay down with it.
Death: What? No! No, man. I kill things with my finger.
Farmer: Oh, are you Death himself?
Death: Guilty as charged.
Farmer: Well shoot, son, why didn’t you say so! You need a shotgun, Death.
Death: My company can’t afford a shotgun. I work for Brawlers On a Budget. And I really need to kill a turkey before October Surprise. I need to bribe The Great with it.
Farmer: The Great?
Death: Yeah. He’s this wrestler. Talks in third person. Apparently, he’ll job for food, so I’m hoping he WON’T job for food as well if I promise to cook him a turkey dinner.
Farmer: Um…Death. Now don’t kill me over this, but uh…why don’t you just go to a store and buy a turkey? They sell ‘em frozen. And heck, if you can kill anybody with your finger, you could just kill anybody who tries to stop you for shoplifting.
Death: …
[Death scratches his hooded skull. ]
Death: Fuck!
Turkey: *GOBBLE GOBBLE!*
*CRUNCH*
[Death and the farmer turn around at the odd sounds. A dark figure is attacking the turkey!]
Death: Hey!
??: Turkey…brains….uhhhhh….
*Shuffle shuffle shuffle*
Death: Zombie Mr. Fantastic! How dare you!
Farmer: What in the? He ate the turkey’s brains!
[The turkey's legs suddenly begin jerking.]
Farmer: Turkey zombie!
[The farmer runs away.]
Turkey Zombie: Gawwwwwwb. Gawwwwwb.
[Death grabs the zombie turkey by the legs.]
Death: Well, The Great. I hope you like your turkey, zombified. And I hope you will learn to trust me when we team up as the Greatful Dead at October Surprise against the iAd and Sarah. And as far as the Scrabble things on the next iMPLOSION goes. I’m most definitely not going to bomb like the Sin City Icons did yesterday! Bwahahahaha!
Turkey Zombie: Gawwwwwwb. Gawwwwwb.
*BANG*
[The zombie turkey flies out of Death's bony grasp.]
Death: What the hell was that? Great, now I have to go find another dead turkey to bribe The Great with. Thanks, Reb. I hope Katie knows how to cook one of these things.
Farmer: There’s nothing wrong with this ‘un. Just spit out the shrapnel.
[Death throws the turkey and walks away.]
Turkey Zombie: Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwb. *twitch* *twitch*
Caption: THE END
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