The Royal Mis-Treatment.
[Axl is sitting in the middle of the couch, flipping through the channels of his new tv (now only a 15 incher. Michelle refused to pay a cent). Michelle walks in.]
Michelle: Axl, have you seen the card?
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: So, are you going to cut a promo regarding Luke Warm?
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: When?
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: … You’re not even listening to me, are you.
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: Dear sweet jesus w. christ… Forget it. I hope you get your ass stonecuttered!!!
Axl: Yup.
[Michelle is about to leave in a huff, when she looks through the window and sees Pigeon walking toward the dungeon, with two hands filled with to-go bags from McGreasyton's.]
Michelle: … Axl, why is Pigeon walking toward, the dungeon, with two hands filled with to-go bags from McGreasyton’s? You don’t suppose Viruz didn’t chain Pigeon up properly, do you?
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: FAGGOT!!!
Axl: Yup.
Michelle: !!!
[Michelle turns back to the door, and this time DOES leave in a huff, as she slams the door behind her.]
Axl: YES! There we go, finally found something good. 24 hour Xena Warrior Princess marathon, here I come!
> > > meanwhile < < <
[Pigeon walks into the dungeaon, arms carrying five or six paper bags of fast food.]
Pigeon: Alright, Mario, Tony, I’ve got the McSpaghetti and McRigatoni you fellas asked for… Rebecca, for you I’ve got the McSardinesAndSpinachBurger
Rebecca: EWWW! Ickie! I don’t want THAT!
Pigeon: Well, you didn’t specify what you wanted, so I just figured, what the hell.
Rebecca: I want something else!!! And NOW!!!
Pigeon: Well, let me put these bags down.
[Pigeon does so, before picking his nose for a good minute, and then lifting a golden nugget to Rebecca's lips.]
Pigeon: There ya go, fresh from the bakery.
Rebecca: OH-MY-GOD! SICK! Get that away from me you sick freak!
Pigeon: As you wish.
[Pigeon devours the yellow morsel. He then picks up one bag, and pulls out a cherry pie.]
Pigeon: And snOw, I know how much you love pie, so, I got this for you.
snOw: Aww. Man, I’ve always been a poon-tang gal myself, but I guess cherry will have to do. Unless you’re willin’ to offer somethin’ up, Becky?!
Rebecca: I’M SURROUNDED BY FREAKS!!!
Pigeon: Well, we better hurry up and scarf this shit. Axl might be down here soon, and although I’m not afraid… you guys are pretty much secod-rate sub-characters used soley for the purpose of interaction. I wouldn’t be surprised if he took off all four of your heads, just because he stubbed his toe or somethin’. You guys are pretty much Star Trek crew members in red shirts. Disposable like soiled diapers, ya know?
All Four: …
Pigeon: But hey, look at the bright side. You get to spend the last of your days in a filthy, dirty, disgusting dungeon surrounded by rats and roaches, until Axl has enough of you clowns and decides to slice your heads off for the hell of it.
All Four: …
Pigeon: So… dig in!
Mario Spaghetti: It’s-ah me! Ah Mari-
Tony Spaghetti: Dammit, I hope Axl whacks you first, so’s I can have atleast ten seconds of my life without hearin’ that fuckin’ line!
snOw: Becky, before we go, how’s about we bang the hell out of eachother? There’s no better way to go out than by tastin’ the sweet, sweet juices of Lady Pussy!
Rebecca: NEVER!!! … Unless you get me really, REALLY drunk first. Or stoned.
Pigeon: Quoth the Pigeon… Bi-chicks rule.
Rebecca: I am NOT bi!
snOw: Yeah. That’s what they ALL say. :p
Rebecca: AGGHHH!!!
> > > meanwhile < < <
[Axl is still sitting in the middle of the couch, eyes on the tv. He has viewed the BoB news brief, stating the card, and his match with Luke Warm.]
Axl: Son of a BITCH! Why I am a stuck with such a… such a… HACK?! This guy hasn’t shown up on the rant zone in ages, ever since he ran those cheap “viral” videos, and now I’m stuck facing him in the curtain jerker! This is ludicrous! This is proposterous! This is an outrage! This… This is -
Michelle: This is your brain.
[Michelle shows a photo of a woman.]
Michelle: This is your brain after watching an Axl promo.
[Michelle shows a photo of the very same woman, appearing with her face drastically contorted, ala the people who watched the video in "The Ring".]
Michelle: Any questions?
[Axl turns to Michelle. Who is sitting next to him on the couch. ... Yup.]
Axl: Michelle! You’re the HEAD BOOKER! Why am I not in the main event?! Why am I atleast not in the middle card?! I’m not a jobber, dammit!
Michelle: Are you a nugget?
Axl: What?
Michelle: Nevermind. The thing is, baby, you just don’t… well, see, the people don’t…
Axl: …
Michelle: You don’t draw money for BoB.
Axl: But none of the guys on the roster draw money for BoB!
Michelle: Yeah, but you’re the only guy on the roster that actually makes BoB LOSE money! Besides XXXTreme Machine, anyway, but atleast he’s willing to be torn apart, shredded, and jobbed to hell and back. You on the other hand? You call in sick to work if you get a BUMP on your toungue! And now you’re complaining about being in the opening match! Axl, I hate to say it, but for fuck’s sake, even I feel like firing you sometimes!
Axl: … But honey…
Michelle: Seriously, Axl. You’re like a male diva or something. In more ways than one…
Axl: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!
Michelle: Nah, you can keep it.
Axl: Ugh… Michelle, I deserve better treatment than this! I’m a super-duper mega star! I’m a KING! I’m BoB’s only Savior!
Michelle: Then why don’t you start acting like it, and stop bitching, moaning, whining, complaining, getting pissed off at the slightest little thing, and being a paranoid, schizophrenic, delusional, spoiled rotten BRAT?!
Axl: … Because… Cuz I don’t wanna.
Michelle: Oh brother…
Axl: Hey! That just gave me a great idea! Hmm… they want to put me in a match against Luke Warm? Well then, I say fine! I’ll just fight fire with fire!
Michelle: What do you mean? … Actually, why am I asking, I’m sure you’ll explain to me for the next thirty or forty minutes…
Axl: You’re wrong for once, Michelle! I’m keeping my lips sealed!
Michelle: Thank god for that…
Axl: I’ve got to get in touch with my brother… there’s some work to be done…
[Axl lifts himself up off the couch and heads out through the door... leaving Michelle to the tv.]
Michelle: Xena Warrior Princess? 24 hour MARATHON?! Goddamn, Axl’s more of a chick than I am…
Michelle: I wonder if there’s any titty flicks on…
|the|