BOB eWrestling | Rant Zone Archive!

[We open to the Castle's dungeon. Chained to the dungeon wall is roving reporter Rebecca Mulesworth, known for nearly having her head removed for questioning Axl's "King" persona.]

[King Axl makes his way into the dungeon, cloaked in his dingy robe, and his head topped by his spiked crown. Axl walks toward Rebecca, and brushes his hand against her cheek. She spits in his face.]

Axl: Forgotten our manners, have we? Well, maybe a few more weeks in this dungeon will teach you a lesson in respect!

[Axl acts as though he's going to slap the reporter... she winces... and Axl laughs.]

Axl: *giggling* Whore. What use are you to this Kingdom? Nothing but a common slut.

[Axl pats the woman on the cheek, before turning to the camera.]

Axl: Commoners… like this reporter… like you, Pigeon. I must say -

Wes Rivers: Hello fans! This is Wes Rivers, joined as always by Rex Winters!

Rex Winters: Yo.

Wes Rivers: We’re calling the action here at the 1,348th “Axl Rants for 25 Minutes Without Saying Anything of Relevance” Mania!!!

Axl: Uhm… pardon me, but what the fuck?

Wes Rivers: Hey boss!

[Axl looks at Wes, who, along with Rex, is chained on either side of Rebecca... both Wes and Rex have headsets on. Due to the lack of power outlets in the dungeon, the headsets are not actually plugged into anything. Which pretty much renders them useless...]

Axl: Why are you guys here?

Wes Rivers: Why, to call the action of your action-packed rants, of course! They’re so action-packed that if there was any MORE action, why, it would be really, really action… -y! And not just boring.

Rex Winters: Yup.

Axl: … So, what, you chained yourself to the dungeon wall just in case I cut a promo down here?

Wes Rivers: You bet your bottom dollar! And-

Axl: So how are you going to call my other promos?

Wes Rivers: I… uh… … Fuck.

Axl: Seriously, you two can just stay here. You’ve already got me in enough trouble as it is…

Wes Rivers: Why, whatever do you mean?

Axl: Oh, nothing… You know what, I’ve been feeling rather generous lately. SIR LANCELOT! Help me get these two out of these shackles!

Wes Rivers: Oh, thank you sir, we’ll never be able to repay you!

[Lancelot comes into the dungeon, unlocks the chains, and Wes and Rex bow down before their King...]

Axl: Now, doesn’t that feel much better?

Wes Rivers: You betcha! Right, Rex?

Rex Winters: Yep.

Axl: Good.

Axl: …

Axl: Now.

Axl: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!

[Wes and Rex suddenly look up at Axl with shock in their eyes.]

Wes and Rex: WHAT?!

> > > moments later < < <

[The camera re-opens, this time to the guillotine in the large back yard outside the Castle. Wes and Rex are stuck into the guillotine, with their heads positioned so that they will fall into a bucket when... well, you know.]

Axl: Any last words?

Wes: I... I...

Rex: ... Nope.

Axl: Groovy. LET 'ER RIP!!!

- cut… literally -

Axl: Mmmheheheh… I can’t WAIT to try this bad boy out on Pigeon…

|the|

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