Re: Evil-Lution
~~~Steve Studnuts is in his giagantic home in Phoenix, Az, channel surfing between scat porn and BOB promos… because shitting on people is funny.~~~
Studs: Well gatdamn, son! You took that “less is more” statement literally, didn’t ya? Congratulations.
It’s your:
BEST…..PROMO….EVER.
Heh.
~~~He picks up his cell phone~~~
Studs: Pardon me, fuck stick. I have to call my “partner”.
~~~He presses a single button and waits~~~
Studs: Come on, faggot. Pick up.
~~~A split sceen emerges. Dr. Silaconne M. Plants is seen a bit worse for wear, nervously thumbing through a leaflet in his office entitled: “Augmentations For Dummies.”~~~
(((A ringtone similar to Sade’s “Smooth Operator” is heard.)))
SMP: Hello?
Studs: Hi. Who’s this?
SMP: Huh? You called me. Who’s this?
Studs: What’s your favorite scary movie?
SMP: What?
Studs: Come on! What’s your favorite scary movie?
SMP: Who is this?
Studs: A SCARY MOVIE SURVEY GUY! Just answer the fuckin’ question.
SMP: Oh, okay. I’ll say… hmmmm.
Studs: Do you like scary movies? Come on, what’s your favorite. It’ll be fun.
SMP: I think “Blazing Yarmulkes” might be scary… but I’m going to say “The Sound of Music.”
Studs: Is that the one where the guy has KNIVES for fingers?
SMP: No, that’s Nightmare on Elm Street.
Studs: Really? Say, what’s your name?
SMP: Didn’t you call me? You should know my name. I’m a very famous professional wrestler. Dr. Silaconne M. Plants! Heard of me?
Studs: No.
SMP: Oh, well I’m VERY famous. But anyway, why do you want to know my name?
Studs: I just wanted to know who I was lookin’ at. Umm, I mean….talkin’ to.
SMP: What did you say?
Studs: I’m goin’ to gut your girlfriend like a fish! With my dick!AGAIN!
~~~Steve hangs up.~~~
Studs: BWAAAHAAAAHAAAA!
~~~Steve composes himself.~~~
Studs: Alright Axl, back to you.
First of all…kudos on becomin’ XXXtreme Machine’s new cumpot. But I guess your loose lips, in addition to makin’ you a good cumpot, have now gotten you into some trouble.
I heard a rumor in the locker room that your faggot ass and your faggot brother are lookin’ for the tag-straps. Big mistake, jerkweed.
But if you two choad smokers can ever MAKE it to a title match, I’ll deal with you then.
And that will be the day that you die. Miss American fuckin’ pie.
P.S. I fucked Michelle.
Goodbye, dick gulper!
~~~static~~~
[Trey Vincent is at his apartment. He looks around left and right to make sure Sarah "The Jobber Slayer" isn't around.]
TV: (Whispering) Speaking of fucking Michelle, that rumor about me making her dress up as a she-devil and stab me with a fork…(looks around again). Totally true. And that other rumor that I used to put a picture of Sarah on the back of Michelle’s head? Also true! Oh, and Axl, you might want to check Michelle. I think I left a Four Cheese Hot Pocket in one of her inputs. Can’t remember which one. But I know it wasn’t her mouth. *ach-um* My bad. Hope she isn’t drawing ants down there.
[A door creaks. Sarah "The Jobber Slayer" returns from the bathroom, moist, and wearing only a red towel.]
Sarah: Whatcha doin’?
TV: (Back to his usual voice) And THAT’s why I’m going to beat you, Death!
Sarah: Oops. My bad. Didn’t know you were Ranting.
TV: No worries. It’s only Death. *Nervous laughter* Who’s booking this crap again? Studs, you owe me one, buddy.
[Insano Mano happens across TeleBabelFish, the leader in terribly translated TV.]
IM: Golpeé que muchas muchas veces. ¡Di a Micaela una Mano Sucia!
[A bar.]
The Man With The Giant Inflatable Squeaky Rubber Octopus: Oh, Michell? Talk about suction (squeaks his rubber octopus)…Googoo Cachoob was watchng. God tims…Hey do I get paid for—
[Parts Unknown.]
Kay Fabe: This one time, at band camp…
Nurse Heidi: Ahhhhh, band camp. Lovely, lovely, band camp.
Viruz: This one time, at computer camp…
- .hack -