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Sports Entertainment Conquers All

August 16th, 2008

Kevin the Pyromaniac

[Kevin The Pyromaniac is backstage at Power Is Stolen. He takes a sip of milk before spitting it out.]

Kevin: Jesus, how long has this milk been here?

[Bruce The Kleptomaniac steals the carton from his hands and looks inside.]

Bruce: Gross, there’s lumps in it.

Kevin: Everything’s going wrong for me… I can’t believe Trey Vincent beat me again.

Bruce: He’s just stronger and more talented. Some of the shots you took were brutal.

Kevin: I doubt these bruises are going to heal for a month.

Bruce: Sports Entertainment conquers all.

Kevin: Isn’t it ‘love conquers all’?

Bruce: Nah, just the blues.

Kevin: I thought jazz conquered the blues. Well, anyway, Clive, point that camera at me.

[He does so.]

Kevin: Trey, this isn’t over by a long shot. In our next encounter I guarantee that I will defeat you, even if takes a nuclear bomb to do it. Pyromania will run wild again and it will leave everyone in it’s wake burnt beyond recognition.

[Kevin rips off his shirt, sets fire to his hands and beats his chest like a gorilla.]

Kevin: Now if you’ll excuse me, I heard Angelina X killed Mr. Fantastic. I’m gonna go pay my respects.

[Kevin leaves the locker room as Bruce steals the camera from Clive.]

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