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Tables, ladder, chairs, bras, and panties, oh my!

July 24th, 2008

Sarah The Jobber Slayer

Inside a local training facility, Sarah “The Jobber Slayer” appeared confused, staring at a dummy.

“Hey!” Trey Vincent shouted at the air.

I meant the dummy, not you, Trey. Yes, Trey Vincent was also there.

“I have to fight Gail Kim?” Sarah asked.

Trey Vincent

“No, Jerri Li. Why?”

“That’s a picture of Gail Kim on that crash test dummy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. And what’s that white stuff all over her mouth?”

“Ummm….must be the glue.” Trey cleared his throat nervously. “Right. So. I’ve finally decided on the stipulation I want to see you fight Jerri Li in.”

“Sushi on a pole?” Sarah asked.

“Nope.”

“Dueling Signapore cane match?”

“Am I THAT racist?”

“You can’t tell Gail Kim apart from Jerri Li, so, yes.”

“Fine. Here’s the deal. You and Jerri Li will fight in a Tables, Ladder, Chairs, Bras and Panties Match.”

“Zuh?”

“The rules are simple. The T&A XX Division Title will be hung up above the ring. But you can’t climb the ladder until after you’ve removed all of Jerri’s clothes and she’s reduced to bra and panties only. Or nothing. Nudity equals buy rates. Did you see the numbers that WWE show did with Regal’s exposed dick?”

“Uh…Doesn’t she wear a wasp’s nest for panties? Because I’m allergic to bee stings and I could totally sue you.”

“I don’t know what she wears for underwear, but I’m looking forward to finding out.”

“Well, Trey, I can guarantee you’ll find out at Power Is Stolen. Because after Power Is Stolen, the T&A title will be mine. Besides, I’m totally boinking the boss. Do you honestly think you have a shot at keeping my title? Does the word “transitional champion” mean anything to you? See: Axl comma Appetite for Burritos. Be prepared for the extremest screw job of your life.”

Sarah spin kicks the Gail Kim dummy in half.

“Extremest? Is that even a word?”

“Didn’t show up in spellcheck…”

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