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Drunken Stupor

July 23rd, 2008

Jerri Li

[We open with a close up of a beer can as it’s ring pull is torn off. Foam sprays out with a hiss as the camera pans out to reveal that it is T&A XX Division Champion Jerri Li in possession of the can, drunk out of her mind and being helped home by some guy named Jimmy (who isn’t even half as drunk).]

Jimmy: Just a couple more blocks.

Jerri: Are… *hic*… are… where are you taking me?

Jimmy: Back to your apartment, you got kicked out of every bar we went to for starting fights.

Jerri: Bu whas the point of getting drunk if you doen start fights?

Jimmy: Laughing with people? Everyone we were with tonight were the same sort of people as you, but you managed to upset even them with your constant violence talk. You made that one girl cry when you started ranting about microwaving babies.

Jerri: Its to keep them warm!

Jimmy: And I don’t think that British guy will ever be the same again after you called him a baked bean eating limey and insulted his teeth. He nearly cried when you offered to scoop them out with a broken beer mug!

Jerri: Weren’t these supposed to be masochist friends of yours?

Jimmy: They like to be slapped and maybe whipped.

Jerri: That’s it?! You’d better be more hardcore than them.

Jimmy: Hey, I like staples and dressing like a baby… isn’t that enough for you?

Jerri: Hell, I wanted you to scoop my teeth out with a broken glass.

[Jerri drunkenly brushes her fingers through her hair.]

Jimmy: I’m not a mind reader, alright? This isn’t every day stuff.

[Jerri squeezes him too tightly.]

Jerri: Come on you fucking pimple head, I want you to burn me with an iron and stick worms in the wounds. I sat through that god damn Tentin Quarentino film with you, I’m sure I deserve some broken plate pieces instead of this stupid ball and gag nonsense.

Jimmy: Jesus Christ, you deserve to fall down the stairs whilst puking everywhere.

[Jimmy drops Jerri onto the concrete and takes off like a bullet. Jerri removes the leather jacket he gave to her to reveal a watermelon patterned top underneath. Jimmy gets onto his motorcycle and drives off.]

Jerri: The extreme guys are usually falling all over me, I thought he would’ve liked the broken mirror pieces, fish hooks and barbedwire I had superglued to the wall. I was hoping he’d push me up against it.

[The scene fades to black as Jerri crawls along the sidewalk to her apartment. She manages to get on her hands and knees as she pushes through the gate.]

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  1. July 24th, 2008 at 07:10 | #1

    [The scene opens once again to the streets of Sinister City… this time, in a dark alleyway, where Pigeon is snacking on discarded pieces of a moldy, unsold birthday cake, found in a bakery dumpster… As Pigeon licks the icing from his lips, he looks toward the camera… looking even more disheveled than usual.]

    Pigeon: Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday dear… sweet… venomous Jerri…

    Happy Birthday to you.

    Pigeon: Quoth the Pigeon – And many more.

    [Pigeon pulls a gift-wrapped item from his kilt… he rips off the paper, to reveal a large broken mirror piece, covered in fish hooks and barbed-wire. The scene fades out on the image of Pigeon staring into this reflection… smiling…]

    – coo –

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