I did not enter a valid subject the first time
~~~Steve Studnuts is at his computer, grumbling noticeably. Connie Lingus, the oh so hot Connie Lingus, approaches cautiously.~~~
Connie: What are you doing, Steve? Still trying to figure out what side I’m on? Your’s or Trey’s? I know it was little confusing at !MPLOSION! 8, but coming to one of shows for the very first time was kinda fun.
Studs: No, it wasn’t fun. You bein’ there cock blocked me all night. How the hell am I gonna snake some strange pussy with you around?
Connie: Huh? I KNEW you cheated on me at those things!
Studs: Umm, yeah. I was jokin’.
Connie: Oh, okay. You had me nervous for a minute there.
Studs: What-the-fuck-ever. Look, I don’t give a fuck about Trey right now. I’m pissed at him for makin’ me do promos this week. It’s fuckin’ summertime, motherfucker! It’s Fourth of July week! Who the fuck wants to be inside doin’ gatdamn promos? Plants doesn’t, he ain’t done shit since he fucked up the American Idol finale. I’m surprised he didn’t do one where he fucked up the Hell’s Kitchen finale.
Yet, even though he hasn’t done a gatdamn promo in a fuckin’ month, there he is in the GRAND SLAM FINAL. Remember the other day when I said that motherfucker has more lives than Victor Kiriakis?
Connie: Yes…
Studs: Well I just saw last night, while standing in line at the grocery store pickin’ up some MAGNUM BRAND RUBBERS, that Stefano is awake from his coma. THAT motherfucker has died more times than Kiriakis! And Plants has more lives than BOTH of them fuckin’ combined!
Connie: Ummm, what are you talking about?
Studs: STEFANO, motherfucker! Stefano fuckin’ DiMera! He has cheated death…. look, I Wikipedia-ed it for you. Come over here and look at this screen.
~~~Connie walks over and sees this:~~~
This list includes times Stefano faked his death, was presumed dead, or was reported dead by others.
A stroke in 1983.
His car plunged into the icy waters of Salem’s harbor during a police chase in 1984
Marlena shot him, and he fell from a catwalk as the building caught fire in 1985 (he also had a brain tumor)
In 1991, he was presumed to have died in another fire and cave collapse.
In 1994, his car erupted into a fireball after being shot at by John.
Also in 1994, he drowned near Maison Blanche.
In 1996, he died in a plane explosion.
Again, in 1996, he was blown up and buried under collapsing tunnel during confrontation with Rachel Blake. This was his last depicted “death”.
In 2002, Andre Dimera claimed that his uncle had died from injuries sustained from a car crash in Monte Carlo.
In 2004, when Marlena found a blackened, unrecognizable corpse, Andre claimed it was Stefano. Andre said he had killed Stefano by draining his blood so Andre could cure his own blood disease.
Studs: See all that? Plants has outlasted all of that shit right there. How the hell did he make it to the GRAND SLAM FINALS?
Connie: I dunno.
Studs: It’s a pity push! Plants couldn’t win the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS even if he was the only guy in fuckin’ match. He’s cursed. Even though he made it there, he ain’t winning.
Mr. Paracoxin his mouth fucked himself right into blackball city and The Great is no where to be found. He ain’t said nothin’ in weeks. He must be scared. And by the way, who’s dick is HE suckin? Has that motherfucker lost a match since he’s been here?
Connie: Again, I have no idea.
Studs: Well tell me this…
~~~He goes back to studying the computer screen with his original project when Connie walked in.~~~
Studs: Do you think Trey will trade me LaDainian Tomlinson for Frank Gore?
Connie: What?
Studs: Fantasy football! Shit, do you live in a fuckin’ cave?
Connie: Oh..my….God. You play THAT! That stuff is SO fake! It’s kind of like fantasy parody online wrestling.
Studs: Well, not really. At least these are real players. Ya dig?
Connie: *sigh* Whatever…
Studs: So… do you think he’ll trade me or what?
Connie: I have no idea.
Studs: Well, maybe you can ask him when you’re doin’ him on his washing machine while doin’ his laundry in it. Heh.
Connie: Steve? Let me explain…
Studs: SHUDDAP, BITCH! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
~~~She leaves, apparently to go fix a turkey pot pie.~~~
Studs: At UnFOURgiven, Plants, Paradox, The Great…. you motherfuckers are goin’ down. I’m walkin’ out with all the gold.
Not a promise…
Not an idle threat….
Not anythin’ else….
……but a GAT-DAMN FACT!
Because I’m Steve Studnuts, THE ONLY CHAMPION IN THIS PROMOTION THAT MATTERS…
…..and you’re not.
But I KNOW….
You WISH….
YOU COULD BE!
~~~static~~~