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Bad Hangover Promo #1

June 23rd, 2008

Kevin the Pyromaniac

[The scene opens up with a close-up of a Trey Vincent poster curling as it burns. We slowly pan out to see cardboard cutouts, t-shirts, action figures, plush dolls, coloring books, lunchboxes and even the ‘tickle me’ Trey Vincent that Kevin got for Christmas. Kevin is sat a good distance away, eating a microwave dinner as he watches all the merchandise melt away.]

Kevin: You betrayed me Trey. You were my idol, my hero, the one I looked up to.

[Kevin throws the brussel sprouts away from his dinner.]

Kevin: But now I’m bitter. Bitter that you could do that to me. You cost me my half of the titles. You cost me my spot in the main event at Unfourgiven. And you cost me my tag team partner and my hero. Who the fuck do I idolize now?

[Kevin walks towards the fire with the last box of Trey Vincent cereal. He throws it in and looks away.]

Kevin: And what the hell am I supposed eat for breakfast? Nothing else has sports entertainment themed marshmallow pieces. Granted the microphone looked more like a melted ice cream and the steel chair looked like an ironing board… but that’s not the point!

[Kevin wraps a bandana around his head and forces an evil smile.]

Kevin: Now it’s time to get serious. I’ve got a chance to beat you and gain back all the glory you took away from me. I will attack you when you least expect it, even if I have to break every bone in my body to do it. I will float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. I’ll make you look like that bitch Drew Barrymore in that film where her guts fell out all over the place.

[Kevin unexpectedly sets himself on fire and jumps into the fray of burning merchandise and starts tearing them to shreds.]

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