Finding Axl… pt.2
Joke’s over.”
- Axl
[Scene: Residence of Evil... Living Room. Thursday, May 29th... 2:45am.]
Rose: Axl, what the FUCK was that?
Axl: It was the end of me giving in to all of the assholes and their barrage of names and taunts! It was the beginning of me taking a STAND for myself!
Rose: Axl. You don’t take a stand for yourself unless you’re in the ring and you have a match to win. You win those matches so you can buy me beer and food and porno mags! And you certainly don’t win them just so you can “find” yourself! You fucking bitch!
Axl: But… Rose.
Rose: Don’t “but Rose” me, you worthless piece of shit! What did I tell you about having an ego? What did I tell you about trying to be the man in this relationship? Huh? … WELL?
Axl: But…
Rose: You make me sick.
[We find Axl in the same clothes we saw him in at iMPLOSION 7... only now, a silk apron joins the ensemble, as well as a maid's cap. In his right hand is a mop and in his left, a bucket. Axl has just returned from giving the speech of his life... the speech he hoped would set him free from the shackles of persecution he had been under, thanks to the endless torment the fans, BoBsters, and administration had put him through. He was HOPING it would prove once and for all he wasn't gay. So much for hoping...]
Rose: Now, you’re going to mop every last floor in this house. You’re going to wash the dishes… the laundry… Anything else you can find to wash? Wash it. And you’re going to do every other chore you can think of, while I head up to the Master Bedroom and hit the sack. You’re going to stay up after you finish ALLLL the chores, and you’re going to make me a three-fuckin’-course breakfast. And after I finish eating? You’re going to take it in the ass with my steel spiked strap-on.
Axl: … Rose. … You… you can’t be serious?
Rose: DID I STUTTER?! DO I SOUND MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS?
Axl: Hu-… Honey… B-Babe… I…
Rose: Mop. NOW!!!
Axl: Y-… yes ma’am…
Rose: >:-(
Axl: SIR!
[Axl hurridly makes his leave... while Rose lays lazily on the couch... flipping through the channels. She lands on G5, and the taped episode of iMPLOSION. As she stares with disgust at the image of Axl taking a stand for himself... We pan over a bit, behind the couch... to find Axl, lowering the mop to the floor... but not looking at the work ahead of him. His eyes are set squarely on the picture of himself... microphone in hand... far removed from his current position. He listens to what is said...]
Axl: Ya know… I’ve been here for, what, two years now?
SW: The longest two years of my life…
[Axl looks across the fans in the seats... before looking down toward the floor]
Axl: … And yet, still I get no respect out of you worthless, lazy, pieces of trash. I’ve bled… I’ve sweat… I’ve broken my back and every bone in my body, just to become the best I can be.
SW: Try breaking a few more! I really respect guys with broken necks who can’t wrestle anymore.
Axl: The best there is, not only here in Brawlers on a Budget, but the best across the span of the globe. I’ve done everything within my power to change you people’s minds…
[... Axl looks back up at the fans... now with a look of hate and disgust]
Axl: … and yet, in the end, when it all comes down to it, you all still think of me… just about the same thing you thought of me when I first stepped onto the scene. Some of you think of me as gay.
SW: I do!
Axl: Some of you think of me as a loser.
SW: Right!
Axl: Some of you think of me as a poser.
SW: Yeah, for fagazines.
Axl: But ALL of you think of me… as a joke.
SW: Best promo ever. End it now!
Axl: No more.
SW: Don’t count on it.
Axl: I’ve busted my ASS–
SW: BWAHAHAHA! Somebody’s busted his ass.
Axl: –night in, night out, to gain a bit of respect around here, from my peers, from you fans, and from the upper management. But no matter what I do, no matter what I say… no matter what I become… all I’m good for is a laugh at my expense.
Styles: Like Scotty is right now?
SW: Axl is a walking fish in a barrel.
Axl: No more. I’ve had enough of the teasing… the taunting. Wrestling isn’t meant to be “funny.”
Styles: What company does he think he works for?
Axl: And when the most dominant man in the world of wrestling is nothing more than a laughingstock? Then it’s time for a change.
SW: Is it too soon to make an Owen joke here?
Styles: I think so, yeah.
SW: Damn! I was going to suggest somebody let Axl borrow Kamikazie Ken’s blue outfit and—
Axl: It’s time for the court jester to become the KING.
Styles: Axl Presley?
Axl: I’ve been training… and I’ve been learning. I’ve been listening to a man with a vast and powerful knowledge of this business… A man with a firm grip on what it means to be truly… evil. A man… known as Garth Vader. He’s been leading me down the pathway to becoming not only what I’ve wanted to be for years… but what I NEED to be in order to once again reign as OWCTM. He is my inspiration. And he has inspired me to cast away the delusions I’ve held onto… of being gothic, of being a hair metalist. For too long I’ve tried to be something I’m not… But now… Now?
Axl: No more.
SW: Woohoo! He’s retiring?
Styles: I don’t think so, Scotty…
[Axl stares frustatedly at the screen... the continued harrasment from Scotty Whatbody leaving a lump in his throat. And to make matters worse, Scotty's puns actually provoke a few chuckles from Rose... the woman that supposedly 'loves' Axl.]
Axl: *whispering* Fucking Scotty… Fucking Rose…
Rose: WHAT WAS THAT?! Did I hear you mumble something about me!?
Axl: … Er… I was just saying… I wish I were fucking you… Rose?
Rose: Oh, don’t worry. That strap-on’s ready and willing to rip into your anal cavity! Tomorrow morning, your ass is MINE! Literally!
Axl: *gulp*
- – - – - – - – - – -
meanwhile…
- – - – - – - – - – -
[We switch our focus to the room of Pigeon and Roydz... where a bunk bed holds Steve on the top bunk, and Pigeon on the bottom. Pigeon rests, with his leg in a cast, propped up in bed. His black kilt is still on, as is the black paint beneath his eyes. Above him, Steve Roydz is wearing a black t-shirt that reads "The Roydz..." on the front, and "... is Cookin'" on the back. And oddly enough, cooking is exactly what 'The Roydz' is doing... in a pink Easy-Bake oven to be exact...]
*DING*
Roydz: FINALLY… The Roydz… has finished baking his pie! [Steve shouts down to Pigeon] Pigeon, the Roydz has a question for you… Do you like… pie?
Pigeon: *groaning* What about pie… What about Pigeo-
Roydz: IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LIKE PIE! Because this is THE ROYDZ’ pie, jabroni! [scarfs up a slice of pie] Mmmm… apples.
Pigeon: Apples are the darkest fruit… Filled with the very worms that crawl through the bodies of the dead that inhabit the earth’s soil. Look into an apple’s soul and you will find emptiness… darkness. Pure and unadulterated evil. Quoth the Pigeon- OUCH! Dammit, this friggin’ leg is killing me! Damn you Sillicone M. Plants… Damn you Luke Warm… You accursed contankerous cretins of filth and contempt! One day… you shall both feel the wrath of the Pigeon… and the People’s Musclehead…
Roydz: IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL-LAAAAA-LLLLLOWWWW-LOWWWW-LA-LEEE-LO-LEEE-LO-LALALA-LIU-LING-LANG-LOU IE-LOW! ……………………..
Pigeon: … What the Pigeon… is… Quoth… ‘in.
Roydz: Hey, Pigeon, can you come up here and take down the oven?
Pigeon: … Are you kidding?
Roydz: Well, the Roydz could come down THERE, take this oven, shine it up all nice and spiffy like, turn that sumbitch wayside, and stick it, straight up, your roody poo, jimbroni, candy patoot!
Pigeon: … But if you can come down here and do that, why can’t you just come down here and place it on the dresser?
Roydz: … Well… maybe I want to sleep with it, whadya think of them apples? I might just wanna sleep with it like a lil’ old teddy bear!
Pigeon: … Sure. Goodnight.
Roydz: Now unplug it so it won’t start a fire.
Pigeon: Hey, you want to sleep with the thing, you unplug it. It’s not my fault it’s plugged in down here. Now goodNIGHT.
Roydz: Well… … KNOW YOUR ROLE!!!
Pigeon: *snoring*
Roydz: … Too bad I accidentally ripped off the power switch when I was flipping it on… Sometimes I just don’t know my own strength-
[Suddenly, the top bunk begins to shake... before crashing down, under the muscular weight of Roydz. Right on top of Pigeon...]
Pigeon: SON-OF-A-MOTHER-FU-
Roydz: My Easy-Bake Oven! It’s ruined!
Pigeon: Your oven?! YOUR OVEN! GET OFF OF ME! I think you broke my other leg!
Roydz: Oh poor Oven-nny… you didn’t even get to sleep with me ONCE… gone before your prime… You will be missed…
Pigeon: ARGGGHHH!!!
- – - – - – - – - – -
meanwhile…
- – - – - – - – - – -
[We re-open one more time, this time to the room of Axl's brother, Viruz. He is sitting cross-legged on his bed, typing away at his laptop.]
Viruz: This game is going to revolutionize the gaming industry!
[You mean 'The Vortex'?]
Viruz: Nope. Super Mario Whatever!
[...]
Viruz: Indeed, it’s going to blow everything else this year out of the water! Even Super Mario GALAXY! I am the KING of Gaming, baby! And when this game is released, I’ll be a millionaire… no, BILLIONAIRE! Oh, and by the way [closes the laptop, and looks at the camera] Nick… listen closely. VERY… very closely. I see that you’re a gamer. This pleases me. Your father… he seems to be a bit stuck in the mud, don’t you think? I mean, sure, he plays your wrestling titles… but the only reason for that being he doesn’t know the first thing about REAL wrestling, so everything he knows? He learns from a heap of polygons. But you? You’re a HARDCORE gamer. I can tell. I can sense it. And Nick… I want you as a part of my team. That’s right, Nick, I want you to help me develop video games for hardcore gamers, such as yourself. The only thing I want from you… is to forsake your father. You must choose Nick… the power to decide what video games not only you, but your friends, and everyone else plays… or that n00b father of yours. The choice… is yours.
Viruz: Oh, and Kurt… I almost forgot. Bragging about title wins will get you nowhere. And when you step into the Vortex, the only thing that matters… is intelligence. Because the weapons… the surroundings… EVERYTHING. It all is derived from what lies within your mind. And from the looks of things in your promo… you’ve lost about half of your brain cells already. It’ll be fun for me to kill the other half for you, by pounding your brains in in the virtual world. Everything you feel in the Vortex? You feel for REAL. And trust me… by the time UnFourGiven is off the air? You’ll be so hopped full of hospital drugs that even YOU won’t be able to stand it!
Viruz: Oh, it’s not un-true… it’s DAMN not un-true!
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