Sad, Confusing, Happy Ending
[The scene: Happy Ending Bar. Trey Vincent is sitting at the bar, emptying a glass full of brown liquid. That's when he noticed a lovely young thing next to him.]
TV: Wow (he said staring directly at her chest). Awesome.
[The Asian was about to get up when Trey put a hand on her shoulder.]
TV: You know how some guys are all about gigantic boobs. Let me tell you, honey. Those are absolutely perfect just the way they are. I bet some guys just pass you by. Their loss. Seriously. You have no idea what I would give just to have the honor of seeing that flat chest of yours and rubbing my face on it all night long. I’m harder than a wall, you’re flatter than one. We’re a perfect match. Seriously. Do me a favor. Promise me you’ll never get implants.
Asian: Seriously? You…who are you? I swear I’ve seen you before.
[Trey noticed the front door of the bar open then, and Sarah "The Jobber Slayer" stepped inside and scanned the place, probably looking for him.]
TV: Hey, I’ve gotta go hang out with my girlfriend. Wanna hang with us?
Asian: No thanks, I’m not into three-ways.
TV: How do you feel about lesbian sitch with a guy just watching?
Asian: I need to go.
TV: What if I’m not even in the room. Are you opposed to me watching via Web cam?
Asian: Not funny.
TV: Seriously, don’t get implants. Especially not from Dr. Silaconne M. Plants. He’ll ruin those fried eggs! Awwwwww! Plants, don’t think I forgot about you. I know you’ve been busy crying in your tears over Heidi’s cheatin’ pussy. Did you know I hit that, too? Oh yeah. I hit that. I think EVERYONE has hit that except for you by this point. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there are a ton of flat-chested Asians in here I have to stop from getting unnecessary tit surgery from you. Once Kevin and I beat you and Paradox, a guy you’ve been having tons of problems with on the last couple episodes of iMPLOSION, well, I’ll be one step closer to shoving myself down everyone’s throats. Much like I’ll be doing to Sarah later. But shhhh. Don’t tell her. Heh.
Sarah: Hey, asshole.
TV: Hey, Sarah. You ready to get shitfaced?
Sarah: For the last time, no! Now let’s get drunk.
TV: Can’t blame a guy for trying.
Sarah: You’re sick. Now, about Studnuts. What’s the plan? He threatened my fallopian tubes!
TV: Honestly, I’m on my own mission tonight. To save the world of plastic surgery disasters. Won’t you help?
Sarah: What? Since when are you against gigantic boobs?
TV: Since SMP is my opponent next week on iMPLOSION. I need to crush him.
Sarah: Speaking of Plants and Heidi, what about Studnuts?
TV: Well, I guess everyone will just tune in to find out where I stand. Now, are you down with having a three-way with someone in here tonight, or do we need to crown a new ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS?
[Sarah stared at him in shock for several seconds.]
Sarah: You fucking asshole.
[Sarah grabbed a beer and threw it in his face and then stormed away toward the door.]
TV: *Hic* … Oh, fuck. KEY*Hic*STONE? That’s just LOW, Sarah!
[Trey retook his stool.]
TV: (To no one in particular) She’ll be back. Bartender! Ooh, I’m vibrating.
[Trey reached into his pants and pulled out his cell phone.]
TV: 602? Hello? … Connie Lingus? I was just looking at naked pictures of you yesterday. Tell me, what are you wearing? …
[The plot thickens? So we fade out with a confusing ending after a sad ending at the Happy Ending.]