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Glory To Kevin!

May 17th, 2008

Kevin the Pyromaniac

[The scene opens in someone’s backyard where Kevin has set up a row of what look like people. They are in fact dummies, mannequins, inflatable women, cardboard cutouts and even a scarecrow.]

Kevin: I have had enough of losing to inanimate objects! I want some respect from my peers for a change.

[Kevin tries to tackle a crash test dummy but it falls on top of him.]

Referee: 1, 2, 3!

Kevin: Damnit! Ok, that was just the warm up round.

[Kevin moves to a cardboard cutout of a sumo wrestler. He takes a different strategy by lifting it up over his head. Unfortunately the grass is covered in dew and Kevin is crushed beneath the weight.]

Referee: 1, 2, 3!

[Kevin moves on to an inflatable woman with a frown. He picks her up by the feet and hits her head on the ground repeatedly. He then starts swinging her around in circles until he gets dizzy. The woman pops and deflates on top of him.]

Referee: 1, 2, 3!

[Kevin takes a moment to compose himself before moving to the scarecrow.]

Kevin: YES! I know I can beat this one.

[Kevin puts a match to the hay and the scarecrow bursts into flames. Kevin laughs manically as the scarecrow turns to ash. As soon as the fire is out Kevin makes the cover on the pile of ash.]

Referee: 1, 2, 3!

[Kevin then sets the dummies that beat him on fire to watch them melt. He may be a sore loser but he’s never cold.]

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