Home > rant > Gardening For Dummies

Gardening For Dummies

May 3rd, 2008

Kevin the Pyromaniac

[Kevin is pissing like a racehorse when he sees someone watering their garden with a hosepipe through the window. Kevin zips up quickly and runs out. The man screams in surprise as Kevin appears next to him.]

Neighbor: Oh, it’s you. Say, Kevin, can you do this?

Kevin: Would you pay me for it?

Neighbor: Sure, I guess.

Kevin: Wow, that would feel really really good. Not just the money, but to actually see a smile on someone’s face. I’d probably feel a lot lighter than just a feather, you know what I mean?

Neighbor: Whatever, just do your job.

[The neighbor hands Kevin fives bucks. Kevin puts his hand up to his forehead as a salute that isn’t returned as he walks off.]

Kevin: Bitch, five bucks is shit.

[Kevin puts the garden hose into a patch of soil before stretching his arms out and yawning.]

Kevin: Oh man, this stuff is making me lightheaded.

[Kevin chases after a dog in a spiked collar so he can set it on fire.]

rant , , ,

Comments are closed.