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Seth Harker, who goes there?

April 12th, 2008

The Great

(The Great is at his home in St. Louis, Mo. He’s sitting at his kitchen table, with a stack of envelopes about 3 feet high in front of him. He’s diligently writing in a fold-over notepad, most likely his check balance register. Probably is, since The Great is noticeably sweating.)

“The Great”: 200 and 50 dollars for a manicure? And what the hell is eyebrow waxing? 100 dollars? For THAT?

(The Great’s wife walks into view.)

“The Great”: Can The Great ask you a question? The Great wonders how it is possible that a person requires weekly dead skin cell removal at 55 dollars per visit? You and The Great would save a lot of money if you’d simply let The Great exfoliate.

The Great’s wife: Oh sure! It’s always about me. It’s always my fault! Why don’t find another job that pays? That stupid wrestling stuff ain’t working. YOU ain’t working! When’s the last match you had? Three months ago? Huh? Are they EVER going to pay you? I’m calling Olive Garden right now and get you on as dish cleaner or something.

“The Great”: Clam down. The Great is booked for a match in the next couple of weeks. Against Seth Harker.

The Great’s wife: Who?

“The Great”: Seth Harker.

The Great’s wife: Seth Harker? What kind of stupid name is that? Is wrestling him going to get you any money?

“The Great”: That is something The Great will have to debate.

The Great’s wife: What? Then wrestle somebody else! Somebody that will guarantee you a payday from that cheap ass wrestling promotion you “work” for. Work means pay! You work, they pay. Then I spend. That’s how it works!

“The Great”: Oh, The Great knows that last part is working pretty well.

The Great’s wife: Whatdidyousay?

“The Great”: No need to get snippy. The Great, did formulate, a plan. Remember when The Great defeated Axl?

The Great’s wife: Now that’s the gay one, right? The one that looks like a faggy Crow Sting?

“The Great”: That’s him. The Great helped one of his Hierarchy members escape the unspeakable hell that was being associated with that group. The Great figures he at least owes The Great like 25 dollars or something.

The Great’s wife: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Don’t break the bank! What WILL we DO with ALL THAT MONEY? I think I’ll call Expedia right now and get us a room at the Palais de la Méditerranée on the French Riviera with that!

“The Great”: You know what? Sometimes The Great would really like to—

(The doorbell rings)

“The Great”: Are you expecting anybody?

The Great’s wife: Publisher’s Clearing House. It’s Ed MCMAHON! How do I look?

“The Great”: Hey, maybe it’s Vince McMahon. And then The Great can find Matt Stryker on ECWWE and kick him square in the nuts for calling The Great a jobber.

(The Great’s wife peeks through a curtain and out a window that let’s her see who’s on the porch.)

The Great’s wife: I know it’s not going to be anybody for Lori. She’s grounded for sneaking out of the house at 4:30 in the morning and “practice” driving the car around the neighborhood. Nick’s in trouble for not finishing his parade float of Vermont for his class project, so his friends cant’ come over. And neither can Johnny’s, did I tell you he was grounded too? Yeah, he decided to try and commandeer all the televisions in his school, you know the ones that show the educational, PBS stuff? Yeah, he tried to use that goofy commercial by Silver Shamrock Novelties and mind control the entire elementary. Silly kid.

“The Great”: Can you see who it is? Why don’t you just open the door?

The Great’s wife: No way! It’s a white guy, dressed like a black guy, with baggy jeans and boots. He looks pretty scary and pissed. He could be a mugger! Or a rapist!

“The Great”: The Great assumes we can rule out rapist.

The Great’s wife: He’s wearing an Atlanta Black Crackers baseball jersey and he’s holding a St. Louis Stars jersey.

“The Great”: He brought The Great a gift! It’s a Negro League throwback jersey! It’s Pete Trable, let him in!

(to be continued?)

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