Speed Dating
[Kevin The Pyromaniac is sat at a candlelit table in a fancy restaurant looking at a menu. Sat opposite him is a girl with blonde hair named Lucille.]
Kevin: Don’t you think prawns look like insects?
Lucille: Gross! I wont be ordering them then.
[Kevin smiles.]
Kevin: You wont be having any of the mints then either, they look like teeth here.
[Lucille spins her hair around on her finger.]
Lucille: Candy rots your teeth anyway.
Kevin: Garcon!
[The waiter walks over to their table.]
Waiter: May I take your order?
Kevin: I’ll have a meatball sandwich and pink jelly with marshmallows for dessert. Squeeze me some fresh orange juice as well.
Lucille: And I’ll have spaghetti and meatballs with a french loaf for us to share.
[A man mopping the floor not looking where he's going bumps into the waiter.]
Janitor: Excuse me.
Lucille: And pineapple ice cream for dessert.
[She puts her menu down and adjusts her pink woolen jumper.]
Lucille: And a glass of beer.
Waiter: Coming up.
Kevin: Beer?! How old are you?
Lucille: 18
Kevin: Shi… I mean, oh. You’re younger than me then. I left my wallet in the glove compartment of my car though.
Lucille: I see. Well, I’ll get this and you can pay for the movie.
Kevin: Ok, but no popcorn. I’m not made of money.
Lucille: Fine, Ebeneezer.
[Kevin laughs.]
Kevin: Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re filled up here tonight. I’ve got a brown paper bag I usually use to steal straws, but we can use it as a doggy bag too. Except the jelly and pineapple ice cream. Geez… only in a korean restaurant.
Lucille: This place isn’t korean.
Kevin: Wasn’t that waiter asian?
Lucille: He was hispanic.
Kevin: Whatever, there’s no pinatas so it can’t be mexican.
Lucille: You’re not the smartest guy, are you?
Kevin: No, I’m the dumb but good looking kind. My heads filled with so much rubbish it needs a garbage bag to hold it in.
[The waiter arrives with their food.]
Waiter: Enjoy your meal.
Kevin: Can I have a toothpick for afterwards? Damn, I wish I’d ordered a steak now.
[The scene fades to black to save the viewers the embarrassment of seeing Kevin eat too much jelly and puke on his date.]