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Salisbury steak in 6 minutes? Part 2

March 16th, 2008

The Great

(Continued from last time:

Dinner is over and most everybody is in the family room. The Mother in Law has the letter. The Great and his wife are on the couch. 14-year old Lori had “better things to do” and went to her room. 10-year old Nick and 5-year old Little Johnny are sitting on the floor. Nick fumbles with a hand held video game while Little Johnny has a very detailed blue print of a nuclear missile spread out across an area rug.)

The Great’s wife: Hurry up Mother, read the note! We’ve waited long enough, is he finally going to start getting some money for this stupid wrestling thing?

The Mother in Law: Whaaaaah whuh.

“The Great”: Just read the letter. Forget the semantics.

The Mother in Law: Whah whah whah, whuuuuuuuuh, whuh whuh whah whah whah whuh whuh WHAH WHUH whah whah whuh.

The Great’s wife: What the hell is a RP? And why does it matter now?

“The Great”: The Great is more concerned as to why it didn’t matter for the NEW HORIZON.

The Mother in Law: WHAH whuh whuh whuh WHAH WHAH whuh whah whah WHUH WHUH whaaaaaaaaa. Whaaaaah whuh whuh whuh whah whah whuh whuh whuh whah WHUH.

The Great’s wife: Funny? Is that why these cameras keep coming over here? You’re doing your wrestling skits here and people are making fun of our family, aren’t they?

“The Great”: The Great doesn’t wish to speculate.

The Great’s wife: Oh for crying out loud! It’s true! That’s why Mother got sent all those so-called gifts from people! Bikini wax! A hedge clipper! A bush-hog! A gearshift knob off a Plymouth Duster!

“The Great”: The Great pleads the Fifth.

The Great’s wife: What have you said about me when I’m not here?

“The Great”: All nice things, The Great is sure of it.

The Mother in Law: Whah whuh whuh whah!

“The Great”: Okay, The Great concedes— that ONE time when The Great said—

The Great’s wife: Said what? Hmmmm? WHAT?

“The Great”: Something about Randy’s mother planting tomatoes—

The Great’s wife: Oh, the lady in the halter? THAT bitch?

“The Great”: The Great wishes to not continue this conversation.

The Great’s wife: Oh, The Great wishes to not continue BLAH BLAH BLAH! That’s all I ever hear! Nothing is ever YOUR fault! And when the conversation gets too hot for you, OOOOOOH, you don’t want to talk about it anymore!

The Mother in Law: WHAH WHAH WHUH?

“The Great”: This is degenerating very quickly. The Great just wanted to know what the letter had on it, not ruin The Great’s marriage.

The Great’s wife: Well, you think about THAT while you’re sleeping on the couch! I’m so depressed now. I need to go buy something VERY expensive to lift my spirits!

(She gets up off the couch and begins to walk away—–)

“The Great”: You must be depressed every waking moment of your life.

The Great’s wife: WHAT?

“The Great”: Nothing.

Little Johnny: The sperm donor suggests that your continuous spending habits and the claim you need to do so to quell your—– oh, forget I mentioned a thing. I have a very important meeting this weekend with some fine gentlemen looking to sell a harmless projectile, after I briefly attend Ronnie Baxter’s laser tag themed birthday party, and I don’t want to risk being grounded. Grounded from the meeting, that is. The party? Not sweating that one if I should miss. Ronnie Baxter, despite somehow making it to Kindergarten, intellectually is barely out of diapers.

The Great’s wife: Honey, we’ll talk later!

(she leaves)

The Mother in Law: Whuh?

“The Great”: Sure. Continue reading. Why not?

The Mother in Law: Whuh whuh whah WHUH whah whah iWHUH! whuh whuh whah whah whuuuuuuuuuuh.

“The Great”: Does The Great have a match at the iMPLOSION!?

The Mother in Law: Whuh whuh whuh.

“The Great”: Maybe the next one? That’s just fine with The Great. But The Great is a tad worried. There’s now more—at stake, for The Great. The Great’s undefeated record will really be put to the test now. But The Great accepts the new challenge. Funny? The Great is not a comedian. Entertaining? The Great is not a singer or dancer. The Great can’t juggle or ride a unicycle. The Great can’t play a ukulele or eat jell-o without using a spoon.

But when it comes to wrestling, The Great can do that.
Put The Great in the ring, and let The Great dominate.

That’s where it matters.


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