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Salisbury steak in 6 minutes?

March 15th, 2008

The Great

(The Great and his family are just settling in at the supper table: )

“The Great”: Mmmmm. That smells good. The Great is starving, if The Great doesn’t eat soon there’s a possibility The Great—– might evaporate.

The Great’s wife: It does smell good! Only 5 more minutes, that’s assuming Lori moved the microwave power setting to 10 instead of 8.

“The Great”: Oh. Well, whatever it is, it’s making The Great salivate. What is it?

The Great’s wife: I don’t know! Ask Lori.

“The Great”: The Great wonders if you’re ever going to make a home cooked meal.

The Great’s wife: Huh? We ARE at home.

“The Great”: That’s not quite the same thing now is it?

The Great’s wife: For crying out loud, does it matter? You’re still going to eat, and it’s a miracle we can even put food on the table. Are you ever going to get a second job that pays?

The Mother in Law: Whuh whuh whuh whah.

The Great’s wife: A letter? From Brawlers on a Budget? Is it money?

The Mother in Law: Whah whah whah whah.

“The Great”: You opened The Great’s mail?

The Mother in Law: Whah?

“The Great”: “So”? You say “so” to The Great? Nick, go get the full body constraint. The Great is finding it hard to show restraint.

The Great’s wife: How dare you threaten Mother!

“The Great”: You’re right. The Great didn’t mean to be a taint. Please don’t faint.

Nick: Dad, how do you “be a taint?” I thought taint was like contamination or something. That doesn’t make any sense.

“The Great”: There’s another kind of “taint”, son.

Little Johnny: Nicolas, if you could find the time in the near future to mature past upright, oxygen breathing amoeba, you’ll learn that the taint is that little area of useless flesh between—

The Great’s wife: JOHNNY!

Little Johnny: A quadrillion apologies, Breeder. But somebody has to smarten the kid up.

Nick: Mom, what’s a taint?

Lori: Good grief, Nick! It taint the butthole and it taint the—-

The Great’s wife: LORI! This is not proper conversation at the dinner table! But the content of that letter IS appropriate. Is it payday? I have a new pearl necklace in mind that’d make a perfect Easter gift!

“The Great”: Oh, The Great would love to give you a pearl necklace, that’s for sure.

Lori: Gross, Dad!

“The Great”: What? The Great was being serious.

(The familiar beeping of a microwave can be heard in the background.)

The Great’s wife: Dinner’s ready! I guess we’ll have to continue this later, and find out what that letter is about!

“The Great”: (sigh) The Great can hardly—- wait.

(To be continued—-)

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