Home > rant > Dinner with The Great

Dinner with The Great

December 10th, 2007

The Great

(The Great is at the dinner table in his home, surrounded by his family. There’s The Great himself (as if I had to mention), The Great’s wife, The Great’s 14 year old daughter, Lori, his 10 year old son, Nick, his 5 year old son, Little Johnny, and The Great’s Mother in Law— simply known as The Mother in Law. She’s a disheveled, hunched over old lady that talks in a manner reminiscent of Charlie Brown’s school teacher. Finally! A home cooked meal? No, it’s Kentucky Fried Chicken.)

“The Great”: This? Again? And why do you always get Original Recipe? You know The Great prefers Extra Crispy. Original Recipe gives The Great the runs.

Lori: Ewww!

The Mother in Law: Whah Whah WHAH, whuh whuh whah?

“The Great”: Yes, The Great DOES have manners at the dinner table.

Nick: Hey Dad, are you going to get me a drum set for Christmas?

Lori: I need an iPhone.

Little Johnny: I need a neuroplasmic sonic boom ray to complete my plans for world domination.

“The Great:” Lovely. The Great has a wannabe Stewie for a son.

The Great’s Wife: When are you going to get a decent second job? Christmas is coming up! We need gifts!

“The Great”: I have a second job.

The Mother in Law: Whah WHah whaaaaaaah. Whuh.

“The Great”: Wal-Mart is hiring? Thank you for mentioning that, but that is not necessary. The Great will soon be rolling in dough after the MEGABRAWL.

Lori: YES! Then I can get three iPhones!

“The Great”: Huh? Hold on. The Great might be exaggerating a bit.

Nick: Will you make enough to get Halo 3?

Lori: iPhones!

Nick: Halo 3!

Lori: iPhones!

Little Johnny: Atom splitting photon torch!

The Mother in Law: Whah WHAH!

The Great’s Wife: A new fur coat! A real one! Damn the animal rights activists!

“The Great”: PLEASE! You people are giving The Great—– a head—- ACHE!

The Great’s Wife: That wasn’t very nice.

“The Great”: So it wasn’t. What do you want? The Great can only take so much. Pass those potatoes and gravy. The Great LOVES KFC gravy, it should be its own food group.

The Mother in Law: Whah whah whuh, whuh whuh WHAH?

“The Great”: Thank you for asking, you seem to be the only one interested in The Great’s wrestling career. The Great will be facing a man by the name of “douja”. The Great will call him Dougie because that sounds pretty emasculating to The Great. Dougie is a stoner and upon research, somewhat of a legendary figure around the Brawlers on a Budget. It will be a giant leap for The Great’s status that in The Great’s first official match to defeat Dougie. From there, The Great will be a household name right off the get go.

The Great’s wife: Then I can get that coat? I want that kind made out of endangered white seal fur. They’re the most expensive!

“The Great”: That’s disgusting! How could you even suggest a thing? The Great wonders sometimes what The Great ever saw in you.

The Mother in Law: WHAH!

“The Great”: The Great is sorry. That was a bit out of line.

Nick: Dad?

“The Great”: Yes, son.

Nick: You’re not going to use that lame ass slingshot suplex, are you?

The Great’s Wife: Nick! Don’t swear at the table!

“The Great”: No, The Great is not. The Great looked over some other movesets on Smackdown vs. Raw 2004 and decided to go with a Matt Hardy finisher.

Nick: What? Top rope legdrop?

“The Great”: No, that will hurt The Great’s ass.

The Great’s Wife: Don’t swear at the table!

Nick: The Side Effect?

Lori: Who’s Matt Hardy?

Nick: Are you going to use the Lita inscribed 9 millimeter?

“The Great”: What?

Little Johnny: You should finish him off with a laser guided missle constructed from junkyard scraps I purchased with redeemed boxtop barcodes.

“The Great”: No. No. No. The Great’s new finisher, and The Great apologizes to the writers for constantly changing The Great’s mind, but The Great is sticking with this one. It’s perfect. The—– TWIST OF GREAT!

Nick: Sonofabitch. That’s lame as hell!

The Great’s Wife: NICK! Go to your room!

Nick: Aw, mah!

(Nelson Muntz is making his rounds and walks by.)

Nelson: (pointing at Nick) HAH-HAH!

The Mother in Law: (also pointing at Nick) WHAH-WHAH!

“The Great”: Dougie. Before The Great snaps and goes Omaha Shopping Mall on The Great’s family, The Great wants you to know that The Great considers it a honor to face a legend like you in The Great’s first match. The Great would also like to let you know that The Great will defeat you in The Great’s first match, and what will probably be your LAST match. The Great is destined for superstardom. The Great begins with you.

The Mother in Law: Whah whah whuh, whah WHAH WHAH whuh.

“The Great”: That’s ridiculous. Nobody can do THAT!
Dougie, The Great will grace you later at the MEGABRAWL.
Until then, count your days, as they are indeed numbered.

Little Johnny: MANKIND’S days are numbered! HA HA HA!

“The Great”: Huh? He’s BEEN washed-up—-

Little Johnny: No MANKIND, MANKIND. HA HA HA!

The Great’s Wife: Johnny, don’t talk about your nuclear triggered apocalypse and destruction of human beings at the table.

Little Johnny: Aw, mah!

The Mother in Law: (pointing at Little Johnny) WHAH-WHAH!

(The theme from Diff-rent Strokes plays for some reason and still shot highlights of the previous activities are seen before we go off the air.)

rant

Comments are closed.