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If I Gave It All Away For One Thing

November 27th, 2007

Kay Fabe

[“One Thing” by Finger Eleven begins playing. We see a shot of Kay Fabe hanging from a tree in a skimpy swimsuit. Then a picture of Kay Fabe’s fourth grade Cloudydale class picture, with her circled. Aw, how cute she was back then. Then we see her in her awkward, nerdy high school pic (Cloudydale, Class of 1996!). Then a shot of her bent over a chair? Yowza. Then a picture of her lifting bananas, as if they were weights. Then Kay dressed up as Mistress of Pain in some sort of love dungeon. Cut to a shot of Kay Fabe straddling the top turnbuckle and, uh, rather enjoying herself. Cut to a shot of Kay sitting in an empty BOB ballroom.]

“Restless tonight”

[A close up of Kay staring at the camera all serious and sexy.]

“Cause I wasted the light”

[A close up of Kay’s hands flexing as if they’re about to grab boobs.]

“Between both these times”

[A shot of Kay in an empty ring.]

“I drew a really thin line”

[A shot of Kay looking up at the ceiling and then, not, as Kamikazie Ken falls down from the rafters.]

“If I traded it all”

[Shot of a nerdy, younger Kay in an Ani DiFranco T-shirt.]

“If I gave it all away for one thing”

[A shot of Kay not wearing a shirt…sadly, from behind. Then a clip of Kay jumping rope. Then a shot of her hitting the Kay’s Bottom on somebody.]

“Just for one thing”

[Kay holding up the Chimichanga Title. Clip of Kay looking at her boobies.]

“If I sorted it out”

[Shots of Kay hitting a Kay’s Bottom on somebody.]

“If I knew all about this one thing”

[Shots of Kay walking out at an SMC.]

“Wouldn’t that be something”

[Shots of Kay walking out at a different SMC. Then clips of her playing with her juggies.]

“I promise I might”

[Clips of Kay surrounded by candles at Massively Cool.]

“Not walk on by”

[Clips of Kay hitting Great Tiny with a German suplex.]

“Maybe next time”

[Clips of Kay hitting XXXtreme Machine with a German suplex.]

“But not this time”

[Clip of Kay hitting Massive Man Rendition First with a German suplex. Clip of Kay Fabe locking in the Wiccan Crossface on MMR1 at November In Nowhere.]

KF: I’ve heard it all. You’ll never win the big one. You’ll never be able to come back from hell and compete in a low budget federation for a secondary title while possessing a redheaded Wiccan’s body.

NH: Look! She just grabbed the Swiss Army Belt. Is she…

Styles: She’s stuffing the Swiss Army Belt down her…tights?

NH: And look at that evil, gap-toothed smile!

SW: C-c-c-an I g-g-g-get in those t-i-t-t-i–t-ights?

KF: Hey, Massive Man? You want this title back? You’ll have to face me. The greatest technical wrestler possessing the body of a redheaded woman today! Get ready for some toothless aggression!

Styles: Oh dear lord.

KF: At MegaBrawl, that’s what it’s all aboot! Eh?

Styles: Massive Man vs. Kay Fabe?

KF: A lot of critics said never. I proved them wrong.

[Various clips are repeated. Then we have shots of Kay Fabe locking in the Wiccan Crossface on Massive Man again.]

Caption: MEGABRAWL, Dec. 15, 2007.

Styles: Kay Fabe ripping and tearing. It’s over! Kay Fabe’s five-year odyssey has culminated by winning the Swiss Army Belt at MEGABRAWL!

[A shot of Kay Fabe holding up the stolen Swiss Army Belt.]

“If I traded it all”

[A shot of Kay Fabe trying to hug some random kid.]

“If I gave it all away for one thing”

[Another shot of Kay Fabe hugging a random kid. Pan out to reveal she’s at a mall. Santa Claus chases her off with a candy cane.]

“Wouldn’t that be something.”

[A shot of Kay Fabe hugging Sarah “The Jobber Slayer” in a naughty way from various angles with a night vision camera. Then a shot of Kay Fabe looking up at the heavens. Then a shot of Kay Fabe holding up the Swiss Army Belt in celebration once again. Fade to black as the song fades out.]

[Fade up to a shot of Massive Man on the screen.]

Caption: In Memory Of Massive Man’s Swiss Army Belt Reign
September – December 2007

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  1. November 28th, 2007 at 00:17 | #1

    MMR1: Jim did you see that?

    Jim: I totally did.

    MMR1: Wow! I really hope that writers strike ends soon because if I have to sit through another promo that Kay Fabe wrote herself, hell I don’t know what I’d do.

    Jim: Dude I know.

    MMR1: Oh well, at least we can rest easy knowing that our matches are in the bag.

    Jim: Totally and because “We’re Back…

    MMR1:…and we’re still better than ya’ll”

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