Misty vs. Kelly Kapowski
[This Rant opens in the hallway of what looks like a low-rent apartment building. Misty Waters is checking out the numbers on the doors as she passes until she finds the one she’s looking for: 2A. She knocks on the door. No response for several seconds. She knocks again. Finally, the door opens.]
Trey Vincent: Hey, Misty. Come on in.
[Trey steps aside and Misty walks in. Misty looks at the television.]
Misty: “Saved By The Bell” Trey?
TV: Uhhh….how did THAT get on.
Misty: You’re a sad, sad man.
TV: I always had a thing for Kelly Kapowski, what can I say. So what brings you to my new digs?
Misty: Well…I wanted to thank you. For the T&A XX Division title match at November In Nowhere.
TV: The bed’s right over there.
[Misty rolls her eyes.]
Misty: So that’s why I got the title shot? So I’ll sleep with you?
TV: Of course not, Misty. But I am dead serious about us. You should give us a chance. I’m a very romantic guy when we’re not in the middle of a promo.
Misty: *Sigh* Fine. I’ll go out with you. Once. And I don’t fuck on the first date.
TV: Neither do I. Now…when you say “fuck”…does that also include oral?
Misty: Trey!
TV: Just checking. Jeez. You do porn, don’t be all high and mighty on me.
Misty: Softcore, Trey. Softcore. Oooh, Montel’s on!
TV: Argh! Turn that crap off!
Misty: No, I like it. What the hell is this?
TV: There you go, Misty. Why don’t you call a psychic line and see if you’re gonna beat Nikki Mantle.
Misty: I better. She doesn’t even have a bio page.
TV: And she’s never Ranted. You should be foyne.
Misty: Foyne?
TV: *Nodding* Foyne.
Misty: So…you’re Vice Prez again, huh?
TV: You know it, darling. I’ve been making calls all morning. Speaking of…you ready to roll? That meeting got rescheduled for later this week.
Misty: Oh yeah? Cool. Yeah. Maybe you can finally take me on that date.
TV: Well…November In Nowhere is gonna be a disaster of Axl proportions. Might as well get this deal done before that debacle airs on Nickelodeon.
[Trey’s cell phone rings.]
TV: Hang on. Hello? Yes, this is Trey. Hey, man. How’s it going? When are you guys free? I’m treating you guys to lunch. Today? Sounds good. I can’t wait. BOB needs you. No, not because there’s not a TV deal without you. That’s just a silly thing to assume. *Ahem* Alright. See you around 1 p.m. today? Cool. See you then.
Misty: What was that about?
TV: Well…BOB is getting rid of some dead weight on the roster. I already fired Zeno, Paradox, Thrilla and Mylisiv. But that’s just the start. There are some great free agents just sitting at home right now, waiting for someone to come along and sign them to a contract.
Misty: Any hints who?
TV: No.
Misty: Aww…come on!
[Misty wraps her arms around Trey and puts her lips millimeters away from his.]
Misty: What if…I convinced you…with a kiss?
TV: Did I ever tell you you’re way hotter than Kelly Kapowski?
[Trey looks at the camera.]
TV: Beat it.
[Cut.]