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October 20th, 2007


[Scene: Nowhere City Cemetary. Axl’s father’s gravesite lies in our sights… before the camera pans a bit, until we find that the grave yard is actually right next to Axl’s trailer. Now THAT’S sinister. Eh? … Ok, not really…]


“An embodiment of the end… The end of life. The end of the struggle to STAY alive… the end… as well as the beginning.”

“The beginning… of a New Horizon.”

[We find Axl sitting atop the hood of a broken down old car laying on his front lawn. As the gray sky above pours down rain, Axl’s trenchcoat whips roughly in the harsh wind… he adjusts his hotpink-flamed cuffs, looking in their direction instead of the camera…]

“Death, my boy… Can you feel it? Feel… the electricity?”

[Suddenly, a bolt of lightning rips through the sky, and thunder quakes in the distance.]

“Can you feel the excitement? Death… it’s time. Time that you shed your fellow old school budget brawlers, and step up to the NEW regime. It’s time that you prove to the world… nay… the UNIVERSE, that while geezers like the iAd and SMP may be past their expiration dates, Death? Is TIMELESS. Death? Why, Death is never out of season. The ageless 10th Wonder of the World! You, babe, are the one thing that will remain… forever… and ever. And it is with that in mind that I let you know… Something you’re going to find out very… VERY soon.”

[Axl lifts his gaze to the camera… showing a bit of a smile… but quickly, this smile is replaced by a determined stare… a solemn, emotionless glare… piercing the very lens of the camera.]

“Death… whether you join US or not… the Hierarchy WILL form. Not the Hierarchy you know now… not Jonny, and Jimmy, and Joey, and Jackie, and Jed, and all the rest of my jobber army. No… for you see, ever since I stepped into this god forsaken company, I had my eyes set on one thing.”


“Ok, that’s a lie. When I first stepped into BoB, I simply wanted to promote my album. BUT THEN…”

“Well, then I wanted to fight the sWo. And then I wanted to start up a thousand failed promotions. And then I wanted to shill Parodyox INC., and fight a masked gimp. And then-”

“… Well, eventually, I DID have my eyes set on one thing.”

“The Only… World… Title… That… Matters. And did I capture it? You’re damn right I did! … For about twenty seconds. Before losing it to XXXTreme Machine…”

“BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER who I lost the belt to. It only matters that, for one, brief, shining moment, I held it within my hands… in all of its plastic and cardboard, held together by bits of duct tape, glue, and saran wrap… glory.”

“And I vow, no matter what I must do, no matter what mountains I must climb, no matter what oceans I must cross, I SHALL, once again, hold the OWTTM in my hands again… not because I want to. Not because I need to. But because I DESERVE to. I am the ONLY man in this entire company that deserves that belt… the distinction of being the ONLY Champion That Matters. For I am the Only Wrestler That Matters… The Metal God… The SAVIOR of BoB…”

“I AM… Better Than You.”

“And no, no, no, Death, don’t take that personally. You’re a smart… being. When I say I’m “Better Than You”, I mean generally speaking. But, well… let’s face facts, buddy. You’ve got absolute ZERO muscle mass. And to add to that, you’re as slow as a slug riding on a snail hitching a ride on top of a turtle, and to be quite honest, you’re not much to look at. Of course, you’ve not got much TO look at, besides bones, a robe, and a scythe, but facts are facts. And Truth Is?”

“You’re not exactly the GREATEST World Champion of all time.”

“But, hey. You’re not the worst. That honor would have to go to SMP.”


“Ohhh, yeah, that’s right! Sil’s STILL never held the belt! So I guess that means even XXXTreme has beaten him to the punch! Congrats Triple X! U da mann!!!~1one”

“Maybe Scotty Whatbody can fit a run in there before SMP FINALLY wins the title… on the final BoB event. Hey, 2050 maybe a FEW years away, but hell, tis better than nothing, eh?”

[By this time, a smile, thick and smirky, has spread itself across Axl’s mug. He turns his body to lay on his side, head resting on a fist, with his legs criss-crossed upon the hood.]

“Oh, Silly Sil… You just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into at ‘Massively Cool‘, do you? Sil… I know what you must be thinking. You wish. Wish that Death would have chosen someone for you to partner with OTHER than me. Can’t say that I blame you. It would have been alot less painful. Alot less embarrasing. And a whole helluva lot less fun for mio. Yeah, that’s right. So in hindsight, I guess I’m GLAD he chose me as your partner. But if I were you? I wouldn’t be.”

“You see, when we head into ‘M.C.’, I could do many, many things. Oh, let’s see… [begins looking at his nails, quite nonchalantly] I could refuse to tag in. For one… I could fight Heidi, brutalize her… beat her to a pulp. But when Death enters the squared circle? I could just hand it right over to you, so you can take the beating you DESERVE. [Axl puts down his hand, and looks square into the lens] … Or, I could just play it fair, and help you win… when otherwise? You’d be slaughtered. So, yeah, I could totally help you, dude… Ch’yeah. RIGHT. Babe, after everything we’ve been through? I wouldn’t DARE deny you the privelege of experiencing EXACTLY what I have in store for you, come the 3rd. Once it’s approved by Big B., the match of the ages will be set in destiny.”

“Which brings me back to… Death.”

“Death… Darling. I want you.”

“I want you to be by my side… when the Hierarchy and I shape BoB in OUR image. Your place… Your place amongst the ELITE of this business could be staked, claimed, and set as soon as you make the agreement. Just a few… tiny… simple words. In fact… just two.”

“I Do.”

“Do you, Death, solemnly swear to forsake your BoB brethren? To step out from the shadow of the likes of Massive Man, Jim, douja, and Kurt Angel… and into the light of a New Horizon? Do you wish to begin a new era here in BoB? Do you wish to honor, and obey, the code of the Hierarchy… till… uh… you, do we part?”


“With the power, vested in me, as the Savior of all that Is Parody E-Sports Entertainment… and as leader of the Hierarchy, the New Force in BoB… the KINGS… amongst geezers… I now pronounce you…”

“Death… Second in Charge, to me, the Almighty Axl.”

“It could all be yours, Death. Standing side by side with me, as the leaders of this industry… think about it.”

“And then get back to me. I’ll be looking forward to it…”

[Axl slides off the car, but before heading into the trailer, Axl leaves upon the hood a black rose… which the camera slowly pans into… before fading… into…]

– oblivion –

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