I Am The Champion
[The outskirts of the Netherworld. Death has gathered a few friends.]
Death: Ladies and gentlemen…please welcome my good friends…on the drums…John Bonham! On bass…uh…are there any famous dead bassists available? No? I guess I’ll be on bass…on the piano…John Lennon everybody…on lead guitar Jimi F’n Hendrix. And on the lead vocals…give it up for Freddie Mercury! And we are…um…the Deathtones!
[The band begins playing a four different songs. Bonham launches into "Moby Dick," while Death just bangs his fingers on the bass, as Lennon plays the opening melody to "Imagine" and Jimi Hendrix starts up "Purple Haze."]
Death: Hold it hold it hold it! Cliff Burton! Is Cliff Burton around? He was somewhat famous.
Cliff: Yo! Somebody call my name?
Death: Yeah. I need somebody who knows how to play.
Cliff: “Jump In The Fire”! Woooo!
Death: Hmm…does anybody else here know how to play “We Are The Champions”?
Freddie Mercury: Oooh, me!
Death: I know YOU know, Freddie. I’m trying to get you guys to PLAY “We Are The Champions.” Since I’m the champion? It’s a strange concept, I know…
[Cliff starts playing the opening riff for "For Whom The Bell Tolls."]
Death: Stop that! I can’t afford the licensing fees for those Metallica songs!
[John Bonham, amazingly, starts jamming with Cliff Burton.]
Death: The hell?
[Jimi Hendrix joins in, playing the guitar part perfectly.]
Death: This is weird.
[Death looks at Lennon. Lennon shrugs and goes back to playing the piano for "Imagine."]
Death: Meh. Four out of five ain’t bad. Go Freddie!
FM: He’s paid his dues
Time after time
He’s done his sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
He’s made a few
He’s had his share of sand
Kicked in his skull
But he’s come through
FM: And we mean to go on and on and on and on
Cliff: DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!
Death: Cliff! This isn’t “Creeping Death”!
FM: You are the champion, my friend
And you’ll keep on winning
Till the end
You are the champion
THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION
No time for jobbers
‘Cause you are the champion…THAT MATTERS
You’ve taken your souls
And your big gold belt
You brought me Jimi and John
And these other two guys playing here
I thank you all
But it’s been no bed of corpses
No fingerpoke of doom
He considers it a challenge to kill
The whole human race
And he ain’t gonna lose
FM: And we mean to go on and on and on and on
Cliff: DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!
Death: Cliff!
FM: You are the champion, my friend
And you’ll keep on winning
Till the end
You are the champion
THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION
No time for jobbers
‘Cause you are the champion…THAT MATTERS
FM: You are the champion, my friend
And you’ll keep on winning
Till the end
You are the champion
THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION
No time for jobbers
‘Cause you are the champion…THAT MATTERS