Ladder Match Practise Session, Day 2
Caption: Ladder Match Practise Session, Day 2
[Fade up. It's the carpark again. And that's all the scene-setting you get until I get a raise.]
The Flunky: Okay, Coma?
Coma: SMELL THE GLOVE! Wheeee!
TF: Coma, can you point to the ladder for me?
Coma: Yoink!
TF: Close, that’s a bush.
Coma: Is THIS your card, Inspector Krab? J’accuse!
TF: Nope, that’s Hallucination Boy. Here’s a hint… the ladder is the the big metal-y thing with the rungs attached.
Coma: Narf?
TF: That’s the one!
Coma: GOTCHA! Now, stay out of my accordian factory, Ashton Kutcher!
HB: You know Indy, I fail to see how this helps us find the Lost Temple of Potzrezbie…
TF: Try to stay focused, Hallucination Boy. Well, now we’ve mastered the basics, let’s move to lesson 3. Climbing the ladder. Notice how I climb steadily up the ladder, one foot in fornt of the other. Easy, isn’t it? Coma, let’s see you do it
Coma: (sings loudly) Oh, I been working on in the mailroom! All the kling-klong day!
THUMP!
Coma: (From the ground) My Weebles wobbled, but they didn’t fall down! Ole!
TF: Nice effort. Nearly made it to the first rung. Hallucination Boy, would you like to try?
HB: How can I when I’m stuck to the ceiling like this? Damn you BigBOSS, stop inflating me with helium!
Coma: BANZAIIII!
THUD!
CLATTER!
Various chicken noises
TF: Coma, put that down, please. I don’t know where you found it, but PETA banned us from using live poultry after that “Hen Grenade” gag at Poinkamania.
Coma: But I am Cluckula! Demon-Lord of Roosters, Hens, Rubber Chickens and all their subsidiary rights! Bow before me and tremble, squishy mortal!
HB: Look everyone, I made it to the top of the ladder!
TF: Good grief, he did too! Okay, Hallucination Boy, just stay there while I find the lesson on Top Ladder Offense.
[The Flunky flips through Ladder Matches for Dummies frantically.]
TF: Let’s see… Leeson 4: Using the Ladder as a Weapon… Lesson 5: Using Weapons While ON the Ladder. Lesson 6: Stop Using Sex as a Weapon. Lesson 7: Shawn Micheals’ Guide to Overselling. Where the hell is it?
HB: Gosh, I can see my house from up here!
TF: Try to stay in THIS reality, Aitch Bee! Lesson 8: Kevin Nash’s Guide to Underselling… Ahh, found it! Okay, Hallucination Boy…
HB: TRAIN!
THUMP!
TF: (closes book) Okay, same time tomorrow, then?
[Fade it.]