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Archive for March, 2005

Chat with Dennis

March 27th, 2005

Coma

(We see long time BOB interview guy Dennis dressed rather 1970’s-ish and wearing a bowler’s cap to hide his balding head. We won’t go into much more detail than that. With him is a creepy looking he/she with gaudy make-up and crack pipe burns just noticeable under his/her? lipstick. Also, if you were really perceptive, you can almost see the heroin withdrawls.)

Dennis: I say ol’ bird, g’day. My, it’s great to finally have a fellow Brit in this venue. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I hear you might be poppin’ in to the jolly ol’ BOB soon and stay a spell. Care to comment?

Mysterious Guest: (singing) Desert loving in your eyes… all the way. POINK! If I listen to your lies… would you say.

Dennis: Would I say what, ol’ bean?

MG: (still singing) I’m a man… without conviction, NURFLE! POINK! I’m a man… who doesn’t know …how to sell… a contradiction….
You come and go… you come and go.

Dennis: Man, please. You’re not makin’ a bit-o-sense. I say old chap, are you going to wrestle in BOB or what?

MG: (still singing) Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dream…
red gold and green, red gold and green. SQUIGGLY POO!

Dennis: I say you’re a slightly bizarre fellow. A hint androgynous, I would say. Listen, this segment is a bit boorish and ridiculous, do you have anything to say that would lead me to believe you’re a serious contender in the ranks of BOB?

MG: (continuing to sing) Don’t hear your wicked words every day… BILLY BALDWIN!
and you used to be so sweet, I heard you say… WATER BUFFALO
that my love was an addiction…. HEIDI MASSAGE!
When we cling our love is strong… FLATLINE POINKS!

Dennis: THIS IS NONSENSE, MY GOOD MAN! Tell me now the meaning of this rambling diatribe, you lunatic she-male! DO YOU HAVE A MISSION HERE? DO YOU HAVE AN AXE TO GRIND? I SAY, DO YOU EVEN HAVE A NAME?

MG: (singing more) When you go you’re gone forever…You string along, you string along…. (pauses. wait for it)
I HAVE A NAME, MY BATHWATER IS JEALOUS! GENERAL RECTION ATE MY SPEAKERS! I HAD CINDY CRAWFORD’s AND ANGIE EVERHARTS CHILDREN, DELIVERING TWO BOUNCIN’ BABY IGUANAS THROUGH MY DEVEATED SEPTUM!

FOR I AM…(Starts singing again) COMA COMA COMA COMA COMA… CHAMELEON! HA!

(runs off, falls over)

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First Challenge

March 16th, 2005
Comments Off on First Challenge

Sir Zeno

*There’s a broken TV in an alleyway. Interestingly, it’s a 40′ plasma TV with the words, “He Fuckin’ Left Me!” spray-painted on the corner. It comes to life, showing Sir Zeno sitting on a throne in the center of a dark room. A small man in gray is doing the Monkey behind him.*

SZ: Miss Sarah the Jobber Slayer… I have the privilege of selecting your first opponent, do I not? It was hard to decide, but I have chosen. Your first opponent in our feud will be… Dr. Thrilla.

Dr. Thrilla

*As his name is spoken, the bear-trap-toothed man in the bloodstained surgeon’s gown charges into the room and clocks the dancing man with a street sign. Turning to the camera, he gives a speech on the horror that is his life, but all we can hear is metal clanging.*

SZ: Scared? Good.

*And the TV shorts out.*

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Death

March 10th, 2005

The YGBKIADTAYOOYFM Title Belt

…!

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