Archive for October, 2004

A return……..YEEEEEEEES!

October 23rd, 2004

(The crowd at a BOB European show, frustrated from a lack of entertainment value and the knowledge of XXXtreme Machine’s upcoming segment, is no longer paying much attention to the in ring action. At this point, the classic wrestling midgets have been the highlight of the show. When XXXtreme Machine came onto the ramp, there was a tremendous rain of garbage. Then, all at once, all 36 members of the sold out crowd let out what was meant to be a cheer, but came out as a collective wimper of weak excitement. For, to their delight, a big, fat retarded guy and another bigger and more retarded counterpart were assaulting the leader of a once formidable rite to suck stable. After some brutal hand to hand beatings, the real fun began. The one in the red shirt with a piece of cheese on the front [the less retarded one] introduces XM’s back to the cement. The bigger, fatter one picks him up, yells something overpoweringly loud, and chokeslams XM’s body. He stands there, looking proud. Suddenly, an evil looking man with long hair and a goatee emerges from the curtains. He’s stroking his goatee, and smiling evilly. We also notice a microphone in his hand. He doesn’t seem to feel like using it at this point. He tucks it in his shoulder, and claps his hands, and doles out some orange gold. The cheddar cheese is accepted with much appreciation. The man then smiles some more. Then, he raises the mic.)

Undietaker:Yeeees….Your undies…are….MIIIIIIINE!

(He quickly and skillfully removes all traces of XXXtreme Machine’s underpants from him, and holds them high. He bellows ‘YEEEES’ for about 5 seconds. The crowd looks at him kind of funny, but cheers because he’s better than the other goof.)

Undietaker:Did you all forget about the Undietaker? Hmm? Or were you just in denial, because you were genuinely scared…scared that one day, your precious undies could be mine…

(Less acceptance of that one from the crowd, bu t a few scattered claps.)

Undietaker:What? You’ve never seen a guy take undies before? As a matter of fact, to my knowledge, that other imposter Undietaker is here somewhere…Yees…I never really got to finish that little bout. Undies on a pole I believe it was. Well, how’s this…Me…AND my handis…VS…The other gay assed Undietaker…XXXtreme Machine…and…I don’t know, this place is full of losers, just send in some other loser guy out there. Huh? How ’bout that? Are you too scared to risk your undies? Well, if so, I’ll just break into your locker room and steal a bunch of your undies. The Undie machine isn’t picky, noooo. The world will be mine either way, yeees….

(The crowd is a little noisy for once.)

Undietaker:There’s nothing in the world that gives me more pleasure than taking a pair of undies. Just thinking about it makes me want to do it again!

(He takes Khan’s and Randy’s undies.)

Khan:[Barely audible] HEY!

(Randy passively ignores this, while Khan gets mildly upset.)

Undietaker:Oh, shut your handi asses up. You knew it would happen sometime. That’s 12 pairs of undies today! YEEES! Soon, I will be able to power the undie machine…Some people have called me a fruit, and a weirdo…Those people will pay…With their undies…AND THEIR VERY SOULS! MWAHAHAHAHA…..AAAAAAHAHAHA!

(Undietaker catches himself yelling like an evil supervillain, and regains composure.)

Undietaker:Yeees…Well, I guess I don’t really have much else to say. Except to The Undietaker, beware, yeees, be very aware, for I could come at any time…And your undies…I guarentee it…will be…miiiiiiiiine…

(He drops the mic, mumbling yeeees to himself. Him and the handis leave to ‘Undies’ by nookie.)

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