Paradox on Tour
*On a stage before a sold-out crowd, Mr. Paradox (in a ripped, “punk” version of his usual trenchcoat/singlet/boots outfit) is jamming a metal remix of “Vampire Killer” on an electric keytar. Meat-Puppet is thrashing in the mosh pits, out in the crowd. Meanwhile, the hooded figure from before is working the stand-up bass. The song comes to a crashing end as Meat-Puppet is rising-axehandled back onto the stage. Applause fills the arena as Paradox raises his hand in salute to the crowd. As he signals for silence, the applause dies.*
Mr. Paradox: Thank you! It’s great to be here in Cloudydale! You know, this is probably the best place in the world, short of Hot Springs…
*Another round of applause fills the arena before he cues silence.*
Mr. Paradox: I’ve got a few messages to deliver, so if any of you people are listening, now’s the time to pay attention. First, here’s one for Atomo…
*Paradox taps out the first few notes of “Mr. Roboto”, to the crowd’s delight.*
Mr. Paradox: To Atomo: if you’re out there, I can feel your pain, man. It must be most dreadful to constantly be tortured like that, all in the name of defeating Festering Death. Tell you what, man – if Azathoth permits, I’d like to help you with those bastards. What about it? You and me against Festering Death in a “Winner Rapes Loser” match. Hell, it would just wind up a screwjob – no pun intended – anyway, so why not? Now, as for the sWo…
*Now Paradox plays the opening of “I’m Going Slightly Mad”.*
Mr. Paradox: Do you have any idea how stupid you people look, with your silly “I-Wish-We-Were-in-WCW” promos and pointless gimmick? BOB is so large and utterly directionless that attempts to crush it just slide off the surface. We are our own villains, after all. And didn’t I see Hackmaster’s face on a milk carton once? And finally, to Nurse Heidi…
*Taking a deep breath, Paradox proceeds to speed-sing and speed-play “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” in about 12 seconds. The World Records people snort, unimpressed.*
Paradox: Now that I’ve got that out of the way… ladies and gentlemen, this one’s for you!
*The audience goes wild again, as Paradox swings the keytar to his side again and revvs up “Feel So Numb”. Meat-Puppet leaps into the mosh pit again, and we fade out.*