MST (Mystery Steve Theater) does MMR1 & JC’s bios!
~~~And why? Because I’m an asshole.~~~
***Josh Massive Man Rendtion First***
Studs: *cough*—IPOFF!
***6′2″
190lbs
Finisher: Leap of Fate (Fameasser) Sideways Effect (Side Effect only done all wrong)***
Studs: The Sideways Effect isn’t the ONLY thing done all wrong here. That’s a fact.
***Entrance Music: Don’t want you back by Eamon***
Studs: Never heard of “Don’t you want me back by Eamon”, but I bet it sucks. I have heard “Don’t you want me?” by The Human League. And “Do you really want to hurt me?” by Culture Club. Speakin’ of which, I bet you really want to hurt me right now, don’t you? But you can’t. You know why? Because you fuckin’ suck, that’s why.
***Back Story: Josh had spent much of his wrestling career as member a peon***
Studs: As member a peon? A logo, a go-go? Maybe he pee on his own member? YOO GAH
PEN-NIE? FI-TY FOOR CEN! FI-TY FOOR CEN! GOO BARGAIN! *sigh* What a loser….
***in the world of sprot entertainment.***
Studs: *pfffft* (Monster Truck Announcer Guy Voice) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! TONIGHT! SPROT ENTERTAINMENT AT ITS FINEST! ROWDY SPROTTIE PIPER TAKES ON THE DOG-FACED GREMLIN, SPROT STEINER! SPROT HALL VS. SPROTTIE WHATBODY! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! BE THERE! OR BE IN JAIL! OR DEAD!
***And the leader of the amazingly successful boyband***
Studs: What the fuck?
***and triad Then Kent State Krew he then went on to be a founding member of the elite Totally Face which dominated BOB’s wrestling for a little over a month.***
Studs: Easy for you to say…. say what? Elite, Totally Face and dominant should NEVER be mentioned in the same run-on sentence again, young man. Shame on you.
***But then Josh found his calling.***
Studs: Lead dancer at a gay men’s cabaret?
***He was put here on this very earth***
Studs: You mean there’s ANOTHER one somewhere? Gatdamned On Star. I knew this fuckin’ thing wouldn’t work right.
***to spread the word of the greatest power known to man. JOSHITUDE!***
Studs: Ummm, that’s a lie. Everybody knows the greatest power known to man is pussy. At least it is on MY planet….
***The Rabbi of Joshitude***
Studs: Silly rabbi, kids are for tricks. But I guess the Catholic priests already knew that….
***as he calls himself has been and will destroy any foe put in his path and he will do it with a smile on his face, well a smile or a frown, or even maybe a smirk.***
Studs: And quite possibly some jism from this next knob gobbler you’ll hear about.
***JC Long (aka The Regular Guy JC Long, aka Mr. Thursday Night JC Long)
6′4″
235lbs
Finisher: Drop The Mic (Full Nelson Slam)***
Studs: After knockin’ a Jagger of his feet or a Tyson off his feet depending on your pronounciation.
*** Beat Box (JC spits in his opponents face (trying to do a beat box) and then gives him the clothesline from hell)***
Studs: Which is basically The Clothesline from Cleveland.
***Back Story: JC Long has been involved in BOB’s wrestling since he first got here.***
Studs: As oppossed to when he second got here, when he wasn’t involved quite as much. Besides, isn’t being involved with somethin’ when you first get here about as obvious as one can get? I dunno, maybe it’s just me…
***He began his stint as The Regular Guy JC Long but was soon confused for the heteroly***
Studs: Heteroly? Is that even a word? Hey, isn’t the singer for Pearl Jam named Eddie Vedderoli? You betteroli go find out before I get pissed. Maybe my dog can sniff out the truth… I have an Irish Setteroli. Heh.
***impaired “Da Sassy One”***
Studs: Isn’t that redundant?
***so he quickly changed to Mr. Thursday Night JC Long which stuck with him for several years and through several heart breaking title match losses.***
Studs: What didn’t stick, however… was a comma or two. Hey, didn’t you compete in Uncany Carnage Wrestling?
*** So JC found a secret weapon a weapon in Joshitude.***
Studs: Hmmm, let’s see. A weapon in Joshitude, a SECRET weapon. A secret weapon a weapon, huh? Where was it hidin’? In his ass? How long did it take you to find it? And what was it? OoooooooOOOOOOoooh, Joshitude WAS the weapon, eh? I’m lost. I need a hug.
***Josh and JC became fast friends***
Studs: Hey, I’d be you friend, too, if you pulled a secret weapon a weapon that was in me. Oh yeah, I really would. So tell me, were you guys just “fast friends”, or butt buddies? And what’s the difference between fast friends, and say…. slow friends or medium speed friends? I mean, other than the blantantly obvious reference to motion?
***as JC was sent to pick up Josh’s dry cleaning and lunch and kids from school.***
Studs: Fast firends = “MY NEW BITCH”. Ooooooo-kay. And why didn’t MY school do my dry cleanin’? Fuckin’ cheap bastards….
***Nevertheless JC was soon rewarded for his long time service by being the first graduate of the school of Joshitude.***
Studs: (sings) JC ser-viced Jah-osh…. JC ser-viced Jah-osh! You guys ARE fags!
***JC is now not only on the path to one day become a BOB’s superstar but he is in talks to have a hip hop album released***
Studs: BWAAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAA! I don’t know what’s more hilarious, the BOB superstar thingee or the hip hop album thingee. I guess it doesn’t matter…. really, it doesn’t.
Oh well…
Later, losers.