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Traing Day

November 21st, 2003

(We fade into douja and Jerry in the middle of a small ring in a tiny little gym.)

douja: aight, boy, yo’ mama told me you wanted to be a wrestla’, so i need you to show a brotha what you know so far.. i need to see what da’ f*ck you all about!!

Jerry: Don’t worry, Uncle D, I have been training for a long time. I have even wrestled a few matches!!

douja: i dont give a f*ck!! you dont know shit, you wet-haired lil’ pussy!! now, i got someone for you to train with.. jerry, meet fred.

(A tiny old man wearing tattered clothes climbs into the ring. He looks a bit confused.)

Fred: Where is that samich’ you promised me, partner?

douja: you gonna get yo’ samich’, dont be greedy!! you gotta do yo’ job first!!

Jerry: Uncle D, i cant wrestle that guy!! He has to be 80 years old!

Fred: Im 71, and Im still young enough to whip your ass!!

douja: you hear da ol’ f*ck!! lets get motha’ f*ckin busy!! ding motha f*ckin’ ding, dats da bell!!

(Jerry grabs Fred and sends him into the ropes and hits a picture perfect drop kick. He then lifts him up and delivers a vertical suplex. Jerry then goes to the top and executes a beautiful shooting star press. Fred lays in the ring not moving.)

Jerry: How was that, Uncle D? Better then you thought, huh?

douja: WHAT?!?! dat was da worst sh*t i eva’ seen!! you call dat wrestling?!?!? boy, i thought you said you been trained!! let me show you how its done!

(douja lifts up Fred’s motionless body and delivers the worst excuse for what can only be called a bodyslam. He then kicks him a few times and drops a weak elbow on him. He stands up and slips on a puddle of Jerry’s “juice”. He bounces up quickly, pulls a blunt from his pocket, and lights it up)

douja: you see dat’ sh*t, boy!! ART!! DAT’ IS F*CKIN ART!! POETRY IN MOTHA’ F*CKIN’ MOTION!!

Jerry: All you did was flop him on the ground and kick him a few times? I though you used to be a champion??

douja: boy, you here to learn, or you here to flap them fat gums of yours!! you gonna have to straighten yourself out if you wanna’ stay out here with me and learn how its done!!

Jerry: But..

douja: no!! dere aint no buts!! my way.. or da f*ckin’ highway fa’ sho’!!

Jerry: *sigh* Alright Uncle.. Hey, is he ok?

douja: yea, he be fine.. i used to beat his ass all da time, he take it like a f*ckin’ man.. lets get outta here, brotha’ all hungry an’ sh*t!!

Jerry: WHAT? We have only been training for 7 minutes!! I thought we were going to put in a whole days work?!

douja: dis’ da longest i ever trained in my life!! got me out here over workin’ my ass tryin to get you ready!! lets go!!

(They climb out of the ring and leave the gym. Fred follows soon after. We fade out.)

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