BOB eWrestling | Rant Zone Archive!

~~~ Back in Steve Studnuts’ mega-cozy, over extravagant pad… Steve and Jizzabelle Cummings are catching up on recent BOB happenings, sitting on a black leather futon and watching Steve’s obscenely expensive JERI-TRON 5000 ripoff, The STUDS PLASMA SCREEN 6900 ~~~

Studs: Look at these fuckin’ guys. No wonder Trey and Seth never called me… they didn’t NEED any help. Some dumbass that thinks he’s a robot, the fag-less lion tamer guy… some backyard fuckin’, wrestling on trampolines dude. Death is cool. Who the fuck is Massive Man Rendition 1st? That’s the most retarded gatdamn thing….

Connie Lingus: Steve, here’s the DVD’s you wanted. Do you want me to play them now or wait until this camera dude leaves?

Studs: Nah, play ‘em now… you gotta see this shit. These guys are awesome! These cats are the only fuckin’ cool shit in this place besides iAd and that Death guy. Check this shit out…

(Steve inserts a disc and hits play on his remote. Connie squeezes in between Steve and Jizz on the futon.)

Jizzabelle: Ste…

Studs: SHUDDAP, BITCH! It’s coming on, don’t you see it?! Stupid, gatdamn, bit… OH WAIT! Watch this! OH MY GOD, THESE GUYS FUCKIN’ KILL ME! Ummmm, not literally, though… or they might rape my ass.

(The camera focuses on the giant screen)

=<>: SOME OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING JUST HOW WE ACCOMPLISH WHAT WE ACCOMPLISH. AFTER ALL, WE’RE SMILIES. REST ASSURED, OUR POWER COMES FROM THE VERY ESSENCE OF IMMORALITY. SOME SAY THAT WE GAVE BIRTH TO WRONGNESS IN OF ITSELF.

=C]: NOT TO MENTION THAT WE’RE THE ONLY ENTITIES IN EXISTENCE TO EVER BE KICKED OUT OF HELL BY SATAN HIMSELF FOR BEING TOO WRONG.

=<>: THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE WE KILLED AND RAPED THE CORPSE OF SATAN’S GIRLFRIEND.

=C]: OF COURSE.

=<>: ANYWAY, HOW DO I STAB PEOPLE AND HOW DOES SPACECOP RAPE THINGS? WELL, IT’S EASY TO STAB PEOPLE WHEN YOU HAVE A DUCK BILL LIKE MINE, AND IT’S EASY TO RAPE CORPSES WHEN YOU HAVE A GIANT SMILEY DICK LIKE SPACECOP DOES. SPACECOP! SHOW YOUR STUFF.

*BOING!*

=C]============C>

=<>: SEE, WITH A GIANT SMILEY DICK LIKE SPACECOP’S, IT’S EASY TO RAPE CORPSES.

=C]: FO’ SHIZZLE, DIZZLE.

Studs: BWAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, oh my, oh my… OH MY GOD! Ow, my side! HAAAAAAAA! That’s the greatest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen! A GIANT SMILEY DICK! That’s genius!

Connie: That was disgusting….

Jizz: Well, Spaceduck is kinda cute….

Studs: Man, I gotta party with those fuckin’ smiley dudes. Or better yet… maybe I should join ‘em!

(Steve runs to a nearby computer)

Studs: Look at this, you smiley fuckers…

^^^
| |
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| | : See? I could sign on like this, man! Look at that shaft, boyee !
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OO

Connie: Your balls look too small, Steve. Not very complimentary to the ring name you chose for yourself.

Jizz: Yeah, and what’s up with the head? It looks like a Ruffle.

Studs: So I’m ribbed for your pleasure, big deal? Besides, I couldn’t find anything rounded right away…

Connie: I don’t know, Steve… that looks really stupid.

Jizz: I’m gonna have to agree, and I also don’t think partying with those…. ummm, smilies, is a good idea.

Studs: See? Ya see that? That’s why you two bore me so much and I have to score some squirrel on the side. You two don’t know how to live it up.

Aw, fuck it. I’m calling Trey and Seth then and we’re goin’ out to get piss drunk and bone some hos. Don’t wait up.

Hey, Spaceduck…. drop me a line or two sometime. Maybe we can go out and have a cyber drink or something. Maybe I can become Spacefuck. Spaceduck and Spacefuck. Yeah! Hey, I do like to screw, kinda like you guys but the bitch has to have a pulse, ya know? I’m funny like that. Check it out!

(Steve types on his comp some more)

8====== > <> : THERE I AM, DUDE! SPACEFUCK! Now, here I am with Connie…

8====== > ( ) : HA! And now Jizzabelle !

8====== > (( )) : HOO HA! Look at THOSE labia, baby!

~~
< > <=========8 :
*
LOOK, I PUT SOME HAIR AROUND IT AND ADDED A CORNHOLE!

~~~ Connie and Jizz leave, Steve continues typing , camera guy has seen enough ~~~

Steve Studnuts rant Connie Lingus, Death, efed, Jizzabelle Cummings, Massive Man Rendition First, parody, seth harker, Spacecop, Spaceduck, Steve Studnuts, Trey Vincent