J.C. WHO?
[Pete Trable was busy in his recording studio, laying down the title track on his upcoming album, 8 Inch, when he overhears the ruckus at the Indians ballgame on SportsCenter. He finishes his final lines to the rap, which rumor has it has nothing to do with the street he grew up on.]
Pete: “Wha tha fah? Dat dude MUST be trippin’!
Yo, JC— I heard your sorry ass rap—
Take out tha CORN, all dat’s left is tha CRAP!
Man, I ain’t NEVER seen some shit so poor—
Hell, you even make Dr. Seuss look HARDCORE!
So listen, chump— I ACCEPT your invite to a match—
Then I’ll kick your ass and shove my pipe in your girl’s SNATCH!
Unless, of course— your “girl” is your teammates—
Brandon and Jim, I bet on condoms you fags get REBATES!
Ya’ll buy ‘em in bulk, got a CLOSET full of those rubbers—
Dat’s right, yo— ya’ll ain’t nothin’ but three BROWNIE HOLE LOVERS!
You out here talkin’ about bein’ down with a thong—
Livin’ with two dudes, yeah— I knew somethin’ was wrong.
But dat’s Oooooooooookay, I beat up limp wristers, too—
So you’re on, doobie smoocha, at tha next pay-per-VIEW!
And if you want, turd burglar, I’ll take on your whole flamin’ faction—
Put all three of you homos in a spinal TRACTION!
But since I can’t get Ren. 1st, and beat him till he slobbahs—
I guess I’ll just have to wail on only one of you JOBBAHS!
Sign it, booker man— and don’t be too slow to write it down—
Don’t want to give fruity JC a chance to skip BOB-TOWN!
Gonna beat him till he bleeds— gonna beat him till he dies—
Gonna beat him till his face looks like ketchup WAFFLE FRIES!
I’m serious, dogg—- your ass gots to go—
You can’t wrestle worth a shit and your “rap” has no FLOW!
You wanna say I’m a copy-cat of dat dude John Cena?
Foo’, I told you I was doin’ this when he a diaper on his WEE-NAH!
You don’t listen, yo—and dat’s your problem—
But listen to this, though, foo’— I’M GONNA HAVE YOU HOBBLIN’!
And when you can’t walk straight, I’ll move in for the kill—
Brandon and Jim will have to find another butthole to FILL!
That’s straight up, dogg— I can’t wait for this by far—
One less queer in the world to put a rainbow on his CAR!
WORD UP!”
(thumps chest)
[Pete waves his hands in the air like he just don’t care, and then suddenly exits to the left]