Hungry
The opening sounds of Metallica’s “Four Horsemen” began playing in the Netherworld, where Death, Famine and War were hanging out. Pestilence was busy spreading monkeypox and SARS at the moment and couldn’t be bothered to join in this roleplay. Just so you don’t wonder.
“It sure has been a busy day,” Death said.
“I’m feeling pretty good, actually,” War said. “Can’t top that Iraq-US feud. They’re so easy to manipulate. I planted those weapons of mass destruction.”
They all had a good-hearted laugh.
“I sure am hungry,” Famine said. “We need a happier member of our group. You know. Like Food. Or Water. Or Jesus.”
“That sounds like a plan. Let’s go see how Jesus is doing.”
“Or choose your fate and DIE,” screamed out James Hetfield as we cut to somewhere else. Oh yehyeah!
That place? Heaven.
“Think we should use that song as our theme now?” Famine wondered.
“Why not? We can always threaten to kill them all if they object,” Death joked.
Another shared laugh. They banged on the gates of Heaven and waited for a reply. Eventually, a man in a white robe ventured over.
“Whasssssupppp?” the man asked.
“Ahh, no wonder I killed you,” Death said.
“We’re looking for Jesus. Jesus Christ. We’re rather starving,” War said. “And this guy isn’t helping us out.”
The fellow prayed. And got his answer. “Jesus says you can find all the food you need in Vain, England.”
“Never even heard of the place,” Death said. “Is that like Cloudydale?”
“Yep, the Lord made up those cities just for the sake of BOB.”
“That’s good. Alright, buddy, thanks.”
So now, the boys simply turned around and walked into England. They’re good like that. As they stepped out, a mob of people that had been drinking tea and eating fish and chips, ran.
“Ah, fish and chips. Thank God for Jesus,” Famine said.
Death disappears. Death reappears. “Done.”
A hostess approached the trio. “Can I help you?” she nervously asked.
“Yes,” Famine started. “A friend of ours sent us for food. Jesus.”
“Jesus Christ,” Death added.
“The Lord’s son,” War added.
“Oh, I’m sorry fellas, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” she said.
“Why not?” three of the REAL Four Horsement asked.
“You can’t use the Lord’s name in Vain.”