Catching Up
Cloudydale. A place that Sarah “The Jobber Slayer,” Kay Fabe and Xamfir (and Styles and Little Good to a lesser extent) put on the map. Granted, not Rand McNally’s map, but on the parody e-wrestling map. The place is legendary, giving us the beautiful Sarah, the hot lesbian Kay and, well, the other guys. Do you even remember the last time this group was together? If so, you’re a loser, because even I, the writer, don’t remember their last exploits. But tonight, that all changes. Because it is time, to head back, to Cloudydale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So let’s get to it:
Xamfir was out antiqueing in some dusty old shop in town. He was looking over various items on a shelf, including pots, pans, glasses, bongs and dildos, when he noticed a tea kettle on the bottom shelf.
“Wow, a dirty tea kettle!”
He went up to the register and put down the tea kettle. The woman behind the counter looked down at the kettle, then up at Xamfir.
“Are you SURE, you want to buy this tea kettle?”
“No,” Xamfir said. “I mean, yes. I mean. I don’t know.”
The woman smiled. “This will be too easy for you,” she said patting the handle of the kettle.
Xamfir looked down at the kettle.
“MWAHAHAHA,” the woman began to laugh. “That will be $20. MWAHAHAHAHA.”
“What’s so funny?” Xamfir asked. “Is this a cursed tea kettle or something?”
“No,” she said with one last snort. “But, on a completely unrelated note, ALL SALES FINAL!” After putting the money in her drawers, she bagged his kettle. “Thank you. Come again.”
Xamfir slowly walked out the door as the lady MWAHAHAHAed a couple more times.
“This can’t be good,” Xamfir said.
Cue that opening theme song, “Temptation Waits.” Hey, I remember when that happened. Oh that was a good promo. LOL! Oh man, that was funny. This Rant stars Sarah. Kay Fabe. Xamfir. And special guest star…..STYLES! The Slayaholics are back baby! WOOOO!
“I’ll send an SOS to the world, I’ll send an SOS to the world, I hope that someone gets my, I hope that someone gets my, I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle,” sang out Sting’s beautiful voice.
Meanwhile, another beautiful thing was in the room. Er, person. Sarah “The Jobber Slayer.” She sat against the pillows in her bed, knees curled up to her lovely chest, just listening to the music.
And staring at her target on the wall.
Trey Vincent. With a big red circle and a bulls eye around his cocky face.
Knock, knock.
Sarah looked up. Kay Fabe was standing there in nothing but a white towel. Her voluptuous milk-white breasts wanted to just spill over the towel, or maybe I’m just wishing that would happen, but they didn’t.
“FINALLYKay Fabe, HAS COME BACKTo Sarah’s room. Hello Sarah.”
“Hey Kay.”
“What in the pink hell is wrong with you?” Kay asked.
“I dunno. It’s just…with Angel going back to Heaven, I’m just feeling kinda…”
“Horny?” Kay said licking her lips with the Lesbian’s Tongue.
“No, God,” she said all disgusted-like. “I feel like I’ve lost my smile for efedding.”
“You had a smile?”
“I want to do some goodness with my newly won booking power. But I don’t know what I should do first. All I know is I want to get rid of Trey Vincent, Steve Studnuts and Seth Harker and get back to what I do best. Slaying jobbers. They SO screwed up my gimmick.”
Sarah stared at Vincent’s smiling face on her wall.
“Well, Kay Fabe will be in the bathtub with her hot gravy.”
Sarah raised both her eyebrows.
“You heard the Lesbian opening all those cans of gravy before, right?”
“Ahh. Is that what you were up to,” Sarah said, sounding a bit relieved. “Didn’t know we had an electric can opener.”
Kay looked puzzled. “We don’t.”
Now Sarah was puzzled.
“Want to come with? Kay Fabe could pin you in the gravy and then try to count three.”
“I’ll pass. But we’re still on for later. I will help you try out referee shirts at the mall.”
“Cool.”
Meanwhile, Xamfir got back to his basement apartment. He tipped his sack over and the kettle fell out onto the bed. He looked at it, then quickly pulled off his shoes, pants, underwear and shirt and sat on the bed. He used his shirt and began rubbing.
THE KETTLE!
Man, you guys are sick.
As he began rubbing, harder and harder, faster and faster, a strange thing happened.
Something came out.
OF THE KETTLE! How many times do.forget it.
It was an amorphous form. It oozed out from the tip.
STOP IT PEOPLE!
And slowly began to take shape. Before Xamfir.
It was a hot woman with shortish blonde hair. She was dressed like a genie. Oddly enough, she just might have been one.
“Hello. I am your wishmaster. Your wish is my command.”
Naked Xamfir looked up at her, mouth hanging open. Perhaps wondering if he should do the Snoopy dance, or something far more important. Something that could change his life forever. And ever. AND EVER!
But you won’t know because Sarah and Kay are about to head out the front door of Sarah’s house, where apparently, Sarah and Kay are roommates, for more plot development.
But no time for minor details like that, because Styles burts in!
“OH MY GOD! Sarah, don’t you want me to be your Commentator anymore?”
Sarah shrugs. “No big. You can go announce matches and say Oh my god and all that goodness. It’s all gravy.”
“Kay Fabe was just NAKED in a bathtub full of gravy! So if you smell what Kay Fabe is cooking. It’s gravy.”
“Wanna come to the mall?” Sarah asked Styles.
“Sure.”
They opened the door.
There was a beautiful, thin, teen-age girl with long brown hair there. Looking kinda awkward.
“Who are you?” Sarah asked.
“I’m your sister.”
[To be continued....]