Trey Vincent sat at a bar, looking down at his beer bottle. Ah yes, he’s going light today kids. No more hardcore alcoholing. The man has found himself in a very familiar position. Unemployed. Yes, this is a promo that is appearing in BOB, but so what? Does BOB really count as employment? And yes, this is supposed to be funny, but Trey Vincent is not in the funniest of moods, and neither is this detached narrator.
Anyway….jOlt, a once-proud sports entertainment company, succumbed to some sort of cancer. A cancer that began to spread around the time Trey Vincent arrived. If you look at the path of Trey Vincent’s career, you will see dead company after dead company. Extreme Wrestling Scene. Metal Edge Wrestling. jOlt. Not to mention the Specktacular Wrestling League, or whatever the hell that was called, the place where Trey never even got to make one TV appearance.
Trey Vincent doesn’t have the Midas touch. Oh no. It appears he has Montezuma’s Revenge. Every place he goes turns to shit. OK, that was sort of funny. I apologize. No humor here, this is so serious.
Suddenly, Trey noticed a pair of breasts in front of him. He looked up to see the breasts also were attached to a body, and that body had a head and a face too. Never know what you’re gonna see in a bar these days. And she was hot as hell too. Very sweet looking girl. You know that chick from that show “Scrubs”? Looks exactly like that. But hotter. Same haircut. Except her hair is multi-colored, it’s part blonde, part brunette, part red, mostly black. She’s wearing a tight white shirt, revealing some cleavage. And white jeans. Very hot.
Now, why was Trey Vincent watching “Scrubs”? Well, if you’ve followed Trey Vincent’s career, you know he loves to use the word scrubs, which is sports entertainment jargon for a jobber, loser, nobody or curtain jerker. Obviously, he was forced into checking out the show. Is it still on the air? Who knows. Learned one thing from that show. Porno is a great alternative. But he did get introduced to that woman, and Trey never forgets a face. Especially when it’s attached to a show with such a great name.
But getting back on track. The girl behind the bar looked at him, not saying anything. Just staring.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“You know, you have the type of the face that should be on TV.”
“Charming,” she said sarcastically.
“Oh, you know who I am then?”
“Does that line work when you let them know your initials are TV?”
“Sometimes. It’s not like I try to pick up smart women.”
“Why is that?” she asked.
“Why do you think?”
“You don’t think smart women can satisfy you?”
“Your loss. Want another beer?”
“Are you saying you’re smart and good in bed?”
“What’s it matter? You’ll never know,” she said leaning down to get another bottle of beer.
Trey didn’t even pretend not to look at her breasts. He smiled at her when she straightened up.
“Like what you see?” he asked.
She put the beer down.
“Because I know I sure as hell do.”
“I’m only showing off my goods to get a nice tip from you. And if you don’t give me a nice tip, you will pay.”
“How? I haven’t got a job in sports entertainment. The woman I’ve been hanging with is paid help. My promos aren’t funny anymore. And my one appearance on pay-per-view this year? Will be on BOB. Granted, it’s for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS. But it’s BOB. Do you even know what BOB is?”
“A store offering clothing and footwear for men, women and children, wth locations throughout the northeast. Didn’t know they had a wrestling federation. Oops, I mean, a sports entertainment federation.”
“How DO you know me?”
“I followed jOlt. It was pretty good before you came along. Then it pretty much went to hell.”
Trey glared at her as he took a gulp of beer from his new bottle. He picked up the empty bottle and faked a fastball toss at her head.
“As charged,” he said with a grin. “You are beautiful, and you have a nice body. I’m a damn handsome man with a great body. You’re smart, I ain’t no genius, but I’m smart enough to know you want me.”
She laughed. “You don’t know that.”
“I do now,” he said with another grin.
“I know chick’s brains. If you didn’t want me, you would’ve told me to go fuck myself or to fuck off.”
“Maybe I don’t swear.”
“Are you a vegetarian?”
“See, we’re a match made in heaven.”
“Why, because I like eating meat?”
“OK,” she said with an eye roll. “I’ve got to get back to work.”
Trey pulled out his wallet and looked through. He pulled out a $50 bill and left it under his beer bottle. Then he left.
Outside, a homeless guy approached Trey.
“Do you have any spare change?”
Trey patted his black cargo pants, and then his jOlting TV T-shirt for no apparent reason.
“Sorry buddy, I only got fifties.”
And Trey walked to his Nissan Pathfinder. He pulled out his key ring, the car beeped like the Road Runner (the cartoon character), and Trey got into his vehicle.
“What now?” he asked himself. “Guess I got to book myself to a BOB title victory if I’m gonna ever get over this whole jOlt thing. Yes, that’s right, I said it. You see, unlike most other feds, where the president’s don’t deserve a title win, Trey Vincent does. He’s the booker and the greatest sports entertainer of all time. I need a world title to prove that, even if it’s BOB’s.”
Trey put his key in the ignition and started the SUV.
“But how to beat that fat blob and that skinny nerd? God, as if that’s even going to be difficult. I’m gonna run interference like you’ve never seen before. I’m gonna give BOB the biggest screwing of its life! Then once I strip any credibility of that title, it won’t be long before Public Access cancels that crappy fed. Yeah. What else have I got to look forward to, other than destroying ANOTHER fed.”
Trey smiled at himself in the rear-view mirror. Then he turned on the radio.
Ba-dummmm, BOOM BOOM BOOM.
“Another one bites the dust.”
BOOM BOOM BOOM.
“Another one bites the dust. And another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust!”
[Detached Narrator’s note: Lyrics to “Another One Bites The Dust” not used by permission. Fuck you Queen! Come sue me! Bastards. Aren’t you all dead anyway? And Freddie was gay! Did I mention that? He was! And it’s not even insulting! But this is an efed so I have to use that against you. Queen. Bwahahaha. Freddie.]