A new enemy
We open on a milk carton with the logo of BOB HardXcore Polarvision. Over the logo is the line: Have you seen HardXcore Polarvision 4?
Oddly enough, the milk carton is sitting in the middle of a ring. A Brawlers On a Budget ring. Not surprisingly, none of the roster is around working. Just like the Rant Zone! But I digress….
As the camera pulls back, we see a little boy with a sad look on his face. A tear runs down his face. He is wearing a blue flannel shirt over a black T-shirt, a plain black baseball cap and big blue pants.
“I’ve been waiting sooooo long for this show,” the boy said. “I had hoped to see it before the cancer completely eats up my insides. I was given six months to live.” He sniffles. “Damn you BOB. You’re all gonna go to hell. My cancer has only gotten worse since those guys in the iAd came to BOB. Now I just don’t care about this place anymore. Screw it, I’m gonna go check out my grave site.”
“I don’t believe you,” a woman’s voice said.
The boy gasped. He got up and came face to stomach with the beautiful Sarah “The Jobber Slayer.” She was wearing a black belly shirt, white skirt and knee-high black boots. Sarah looked down at the milk carton in the ring and picked it up.
“Yeah. I’ve been looking everywhere for it. But I’m sure it’ll turn up someday. And you know it’ll be good since I’ll be on it. You’ve got to see what I do to the iAd.”
“Can’t you just tell me?”
“No.”
“You’re denying a dying boy his wish?”
“Yes.”
“You’re cold.”
“Well, being dead will do that to you.”
“You died?”
“Three times.”
“Really?”
“The first time, it was at my senior promo.”
“Don’t you mean prom?”
“No. Since I’m a jobber Slayer, I didn’t get a senior prom. Instead, I had to do a promo. But that’s not the point. The point is, I show up to the set, and Kay Fabe and I were wearing the same blue backless dress. I died. Of embarrassment.”
The kid rolled his eyes.
“It happened a couple more times. Once when Little Good and I got caught…well, I probably shouldn’t tell you that one. And then there was that whole thing where somebody who shall remain nameless claimed he killed my career. But I came back. Granted, to BOB, but I came back. And I’m sure you can beat whatever’s wrong with you.”
“I’ve got cancer.”
“Cancer? Aw, I’m sorry kid. I had no idea. I thought you were just dying of boredom, not dying, dying. My bad.”
“No big.”
“Hey, that’s my line. But that’s OK,” she says messing up his hair with her right hand. “With you dying and all, you can use all my lines you want.”
“Hey, since I’m dying and all….I was wondering. I had one wish I was hoping maybe you could make come true. I fell in love with you the second I saw you wrestle. You’re so hot. And I’ll never get to be with a woman. So, I’d never ask to sleep with you, but I could die a happy boy if you would do me the honor of seeing your boobies.”
“Well…”
“Or your HEY NOW.”
“Ummm….well….I guess I should. I mean, you are dying and all.”
“Yeah I am.”
Sarah looks at the camera and then turns her back. She lifts up the front of the shirt as the cameraman rushes around trying to get a glimpse. But alas, it is over too quick. Unless there was somebody in the shadows taking a picture from the other side. Wouldn’t that be just perfect timing? And that might explain that bright blue flash. Uh oh.
The kid starts laughing.
“You’re one dumb bitch.”
“What did you say?”
“Nice tits and all, but now I’ve got ‘em on film. Ha ha!”
The kid pulls out brass knuckles and punches her in the face! Sarah falls down and is unconscious.
The kid looks at the camera.
“Hmm. That was easier than I thought. All you losers couldn’t stop the Slayer. But a little 12-year-old kid has knocked out the bitch. What the fuck’s wrong with you idiots out there. Now I can have my way with this ho. Word to the motherfucker. Now get the fuck out of here!”
The kid pushes the cameraman down and takes out a gun.
“Let’s play race the bullet.”
The camera falls to the floor and we hear racing footsteps get quieter and quieter. Then a door opens and tires squeal.
The kid picks up the camera and turns it onto Sarah.
“Sleazy-C is in the hizouse! Now let’s film a porno movie and sell it over the Internet! Oh yeah. You see Sarah, I am the jobber who will take your ass out. I am the boy who is going to end your Slaying career. I am going to poke you, pin you and laugh all the way to the bank. And I am going to lead the Jobbers With Attitude to the top. As Executive Producer, beyotch.”
“Sarah!”
It’s Little Good.
“Bloody hell,” he said.
“Hey man, why you wreckin’ my shit? I’ll fuck you up bad, man,” C said. Sleazy-C raised the barrel of the gun and lined it up with Little Good’s head. Little Good stopped dead in his tracks.
Sleazy-C squeezed the trigger.
And Little Good was left a yellow, smelly mess. The camera then flew through the air, crashed, and the promo ended abruptly.