The good die young, but the great die whenever they feel like it
[A television screen is filled with gray static. Then it explodes. Through the magic of computer animation, pieces of the set fall onto the floor to spell out The Trey Vincent Show. Oh yeah, he's going talk show on your ass.
We fade in on a screaming crowd of slack-jawed yokels, hot sluts and fat, drunk bastards. They are all chanting the Icon's name: "TV, TV, TV, TV." As long as you ignore the dyslexic one yelling "VT."
Yes, the man who rules in jOlt, and with the iAd in BOB, the greatest television and sports entertainer ever to evolve from the magical mingling of semen and egg, Trey Vincent. He steps out onto the stage, which has green carpets and a few of those talk show-style black chairs. He's holding a wireless microphone, walks to center stage and smiles at the camera.]
TV: Hello everyone and welcome to the debut of “The Trey Vincent Show.” Starring none other than Trey Vincent, the next jOlt International Champion and next holder of whatever title I feel like winning in BOB, since we make the rules and break the rules. But, enough about Trey. Tonight’s topic: Sluts Flash The Crowd.
[The crowd cheers.]
TV: Aren’t I a heel? Oh well, not here. Now, as I do my rant, for those of you who don’t give a flying flurk about sports entertainment will at least be entertained. Because you will all be treated to the lovely stripping acts of three lovely local girls who are being paid, what, $500? Not bad. But we do have to promote their agency. It is called, X-Rated Realities, and today’s ‘talent’ consists of the lovely Kelley, a thin bleach-blonde goddess, Britney, a thin red-headed beauty with the biggest fun bags of the bunch, and Zoe, a brunette who is of the highest class and tighest ass. Let’s get this show started.
[Trey goes to the middle chair and stares straight ahead. Kelley walks out from the side, wearing a short black dress with so much cleavage and leg showing it would probably make an Afghani-man's head explode (and I think you know what I mean). She walks to Trey and begins a lap dance. Slowly stripping down as Trey rants.]
TV: Yeah. Um. I have to address The Geek for some reason. He’s challenged me and Bohemoth to a triple threat hardcore match. And speaking of hardcore, TV loves it hardcore Kelley. Perhaps after the show, we can have a sports entertainment match in bed? Anyhow….where was I?
[The fans erupt and a big CENSORED block covers up some naughty areas. Trey looks around her body and pulls off the CENSORED block! Oh yeah! Nudity! Frontal nudity! But the evil censors have another one up their sleeve. The CENSORED block Trey holds suddenly shatters.]
TV: What the f*ck? Damn the man!
[The fans erupt as Kelley has now lost all her clothing. As for Trey's rant? Huh? You were still expecting one when he's got a naked chick dancing and bending in all the right ways right in front of him. Chyeah. OK. Maybe during the break, before the next girl loses her clothes. Stay glued here.]
TV: Oh baby. I may not believe in love at first sight, but I do belive in love at first feel. What do you say? Is love in the air?
[Kelley sits on his lap so they are face to breast. Guess who is which. Of course, that pesky CENSORED thing blocks all the good parts, but Trey's got the best seat in the house. On his lap no less! Then she gets up, grabs her clothes and walks off stage to a multiple standing ovations.]
TV: Kelley, everyone. Boo-ya. Anyway, The Geek. How’s this for a deal. If you can get Sarah “The Jobber Slayer” to go out with you on a date, then I’ll have some respect for you and I’ll give you the match you so badly want. But….we won’t have to wait until the PPV. Because PPV is for 5-star matches. And the only way we can have a 5-star match with Trey Vincent is if the lovely Sarah accepts my challenge to fight me at Wrestlestarrmaniacade, or whatever the hell it’s called.
[Fans cheer loudly as Britney appears, wearing only a towel! She seductively walks toward Trey, giving him a private show while she teases the audience with some bare shoulders and back, and a little bit of ass cheek. The rant? Yeah, he forgot again. But hell. There are more important things than INTERVIEWS! And you're looking at it! The crowd erupts into "TV, TV, TV" chants again as she drops the towel and bends over to pick it up. But you miss it because of the CENSORED block. Unlucky bastards. Why isn't this show on pay-per-view? Hey, idea....forming....]
TV: This is entertainment! Damn!
[And Britney leaves the stage to a few less standing ovations. Some people have no endurance.]
TV: Oops, I see a question.
[Trey runs up to a hot blonde in the front row with his microphone. He puts it to her lips and then starts sliding it back and forth, back and forth. She grabs it and holds it still.]
TV: Sorry, old habits are hard to break.
Girl: I just wanted to know if you’re single.
TV: Yes, I am. Why?
Girl: Well, I see you doing all this escort stuff, meaningless sex, drinking binges, I mean, why don’t you settle down and get a girlfriend?
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!
Some guy: Show your tits and shut your mouth!
TV: Bwahahahaha. Darling, there’s this old saying that only the good die young. Which probably means you’re gonna live a long, long time. Anyway, the good die young, but the great die whenever they feel like it. There are probably exceptions to the rules and differences of opinions of what is good and bad. All I know is I’m great. Now, unless your favorite position is on your knees, well, I got no use for ya. Now, will you show your tits?
Girl: No.
TV: A girl with morals. Darling, this isn’t the family entertainment show. This is “The Trey Vincent Show.” My rules, my life, my way. There ain’t no time for regrets or morality in this world, so let’s bring out a girl with no class, Zoe!
[And here comes Zoe, dressed in sheer underwear. Trey goes back onstage and waits for the beautiful one to dance. Dance. Dance!]
TV: We’re all about the lowest common denominator! We’re all about controversy. Usually, we’re about apathy, but tonight, there are more important things. Specifically, in my pants, to worry about.
[Bye bye bra. Bye bye panties. Hello CENSORED. Trey steals the CENSORED blocks and throws them behind the couches, but the censors see it and quickly cover her up. And with her naked, the flashing portion of the show is over. Now it's time for final thoughts.]
TV: It’s now time for, a time for us. First of all, Trey Vincent loves to screw people, whether it’s in the bedroom, or at work. You see, there are two different kind of screw jobs. One is physical. The other is political. Both are great in their own way, though there is usually no orgasm with the political screw-jobs. But smoking a cigar afterward is pretty sweet. But that’s not the point of this rant.
TV: No, Geek, Trey Vincent cannot keep the iAd away from ringside. He will make no such guarantees. But if you’re so scared of interference, we’ve got ourselves a new challenge. A rubber tipped barbed wire hardcore match. Trey’s face is to pretty to risk being sliced and smashed in hardcore rules. You are looking at a sports entertainer, not a hardcore bush-leaguer. Hell, just to make it interesting, let’s have a last blood match. Which means, two people have to blade, er, bleed, for the match to end, last man with his face in tact wins the Hardcore Title.
TV: The iAd doesn’t want you in its group, as far as I know. Maybe Seth likes you, I don’t know about that boy sometimes. But still. I am so confident I can beat you, I’ll accept that stipulation. You can be my bag boy. OK, fine, you know what, I accept your stupid ass challenge. But will you accept mine beyotch? Until next time….I don’t give a f*ck what you do. Just stay alive to give me ratings next time. I’m Trey Vincent. And I know you wish you were. Good night.
[The crowd cheers and the girls come out for one last naked wave to the crowd as we fade out.]