All I wanna do is entertain!
[A hand picks up a black cordless telephone. We see the hand dial a bunch of numbers, but we can't see which numbers for sure since the hand is not invisible. The mystery phone holder then puts the phone to his ear and we see long black hair in a ponytail. He turns around and we see Shaggy, Trey Vincent's.....co-worker, best describes him. Friend? No. TV doesn't have any friends who aren't sports entertainers, since they're all beneath him. But back to Shaggy. For those not in the know, Shaggy resembles Trent Reznor meets a high-class wardrobe. He listens to a message Trey has left him.]
TV: Well Shaggy, you’ll never guess what happened, YET AGAIN, in jOlt. Yep. I’ve scared off another one. That is three straight. There’s this little pussy named Gregor James, a.k.a. Gary Nye, a little fucking faggot who agreed to work a program with the Sports Entertainment Icon, jOlt’s future and star attraction, and everyone’s TV champion, Trey Vincent, has quit.
TV: Everyone fears me. The rumor is he heard Trey Vincent doesn’t stick to scripts too well. Trey Vincent was going to give him two seconds in the spotlight before knocking him out permanently, but still, he would have been the recipient of the greatest sports entertainment beating ever seen. Baseball bat, cracked skull, broken body, that’s the only way to go anymore. It’s the only way to get to the top. Trey Vincent is sick of playing by rules, earning a spot and all that bullshit. Paying dues. Please! Everyone is going to be envious and jealous of Trey Vincent because he is destined to be on top of this motherfucking world, whether he gets their honestly, or the fun way…
TV: And he had the nerve to call Trey Vincent “far from quality”? He can lick cock scabs off diseased old men at gay bars full-time now, since that’s what he wants to do. And everyone in BOB is probably wondering why the fuck Trey Vincent is shooting all over the company he works for. Well, Trey Vincent doesn’t need any company. Trey Vincent is perfectly content to go off into obscurity and focus on the important things in life. Sex, drugs and money. Granted, Trey Vincent isn’t a household name yet, but….maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
TV: Everyone runs from Trey Vincent. Just as they do in jOlt, they do in BOB. All I wanna do is sports entertain, Shaggy. You know that. Trey Vincent is all about outrageous entertainment. Lance Knight ran from me. Azrael Ravanell ran from me. Gregor James ran from me. They ALL run from me because they know they will be embarassed so badly they might as well save the abuse on their body and ego and get the fuck out of Dodge. Trey Vincent has yet to find anyone in the “elite” world who can handle him. There are little talentless idiots in numerous hardcore and serious feds who would jump at the chance to outduel me on the mic. Been there, done that, if Trey Vincent wants that high a level of opposition, he will pick a fight with high school kids. It’s very hard to find a fed these days where the announcer can string together a sentence without losing a war with the English language.
TV: This is quickly becoming a sad, sad industry. Not that it was ever really proud anyway. All hype, no delivery, bad products, bad attitudes, no organization, sub-par sports entertainers…..it goes on and on….
TV: I don’t know Shaggy. What do I want to do? Keep running apathetic, uncreative idiots out of jOlt and sitting around, gaining no exposure from my cleverosity? Keep writing material that will never see the light of day, but is better than most of the shit that does? Geocities, Angelfire, Tripod, they can all kiss my ass. Well, not Tripod, since they host my Web site.
TV: I have a feeling this great promo will see the light of day in BOB. Because BOB needs Trey Vincent to entertain them, since nobody ELSE WILL! The iAd has arrived, and death is following. The crop of talent is dying of thirst, and the iAd has all the water.
TV: And just for the record, Gregor was a fag. I wasn’t just gay bashing. He really enjoyed the company of men. He enjoyed having a hot spear fill his asshole. Was that too graphic? Who cares. Fuck you! Fuck everyone. Fuck jOlt. Fuck BOB. Fuck me. And fuck you. Trey Vincent hates everyone on this motherfucking planet because Trey Vincent has the talent to realize they all SUCK! This is my world, this is my show, and you all are nothing but bit parts who will never get any credit. Deal with it.
TV: I think I need to head to Arizona and go party with Studs.
TV: And as for BOB? Trey Vincent has a message for Billy Polar. There are three shows this company runs. We got control of NAGAM. Polarvision is next. Whoever this fed puts in our way, we will knock down. Bitches, retards, fat, ugly, drug addicts, bring your worst, or your best, whatever you consider it to be. Trey Vincent is gonna be a superstar. We’re booking ourselves to the moon. BOB will be successful as never before under our control, or it will die under our control. Either way, we don’t really care, as long as we’re in control. Well I don’t care. I hear Seth cares a little bit. But whatever.
TV: Speaking of Harker, when the hell are you gonna finish editing our latest MSTing? C’mon dude, how much post production are you gonna do? You’re getting WAAAAAYYYYYYY too vain, my little friend. Or are those bots trying to write in more clever jabs since they had funny block during the taping?
TV: Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this message Shaggy. I hope TVPI is moving along smooth as a 18-year-old chick’s ass. You’ve got my cell phone. Call it if you need Trey Vincent to be your lifeline. I gotta call Studs now, and Seth, and head to the bar. And get a woman. So much to do, so little time.
TV: Fuck BOB! Good night Shaggy!
[Click.]
[Fade out.]