[The house show arena is packed to capacity tonight. No doubt awaiting the most exciting man in sports entertainment today.]
R.J.: This is gonna be a knobberslocker here tonight in Texas!
The Prince: We want beavers!!
R.J.: You may be wondering what The Prince and I are doing in this promo since we aren’t even part of BOB! But screw you fans! This is another pathetic heel turn on my part! Thanks BOB. Thanks a LOT! We are the house show crew!!! And since we have so many BOB house shows, we need multiple announcers!
The Prince: Yeah! Beavers!
R.J.: And y’all know GBH.
GBH: Duh. Heehee.
Voice over:”IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL… WHAT THE ROCK…IS COOKIN’…IT SMELLS LIKE CRAP COMPARED TO WHAT THE DOMINO IS STIRRIN’!”
R.J.: OH MY GOD! We haven’t heard that music in BOB in….well over two years! Ever since that whole lawsuit thing!
(A very familiar entrance theme plays as The Domino heads toward the ring. The only difference is, ‘The Domino’ is dubbed over ‘The Rock’ as one of the most blantant rip-offs in e-wrestling struts to the ring.)
GBH: Big chest.
TP: He’s right! That isn’t The Domino. It’s Kay Fabe! Whoo hoo! Beaver!
RJ: Well why in the hell is she coming out to his song? I thought they burned this tape!
Crowd: Domino! Domino! Domino!
[Kay struts down the aisle dressed in black workout pants and a black T-shirt that says Get E (the E is red, it’s not a drug reference, we don’t think, a clever way of saying Get Ready for the people who don’t understand subtlety) on the front and as she passes by the camera we see it says Yur Candy Ass is neXt!!! She’s also wearing sunglasses. Besides the fact that she’s pale as a ghost and has long red hair and boobs, she’s a spitting image of The Rock, er, The Domino.]
GBH: Yur. Candy. Ass. Heehee. Limbertail.
RJ: Hey! Don’t steal my material or I’ll whip you like a pet coon!
[Meanwhile, Kay Fabe gets up on the middle rope outside of the ring and holds up an invisible title, or perhaps she’s reaching for the stars. Who knows.
RJ: I’m gonna get to the bottom of this. The rock bottom!
[RJ leaves the broadcast booth (pffft, at a house show no less, GET IT?) and goes to the ring. He’s got a microphone and goes to The Domino to talk to him or Kay Fabe. Meanwhile, Kay Fabe is still smelling what the Texans are stirrin’.]
RJ: Kay, Kay!
[Kay no-sells her name, so…]
RJ: Domino, can I get a word?
Crowd: DOMINO! DOMINO! DOMINO! (Amazing they know about him, isn’t it? But he’s so over, not even hiding in Kay Fabe’s body can fool the fans of Texas! He is the fan’s champion after all!)
GBH: Domino. Duh. Rocky. Duh.
TP: Shut up.
[Kay Fabe gets down off the rope and gets into the ring. She looks around at the fans. She raises an eyebrow and runs a hand thru her long red hair. Then she starts to pace back and forth as RJ asks his question.]
RJ: Domino. I don’t know what the hell is going on here. Why are you in Kay Fabe’s body?
[RJ aims the mic toward The Domino. She stops pacing, then grabs the mic to a huge POP. Suddenly, RJ clutches his chest and is bleeding. Oh, that wasn’t a pop, it was a gun shot. Just barely audible over the huge ovation for The Domino.]
Crowd: DOMINO! DOMINO! DOMINO!
Domino: (She raises the mic and bends her head back.) Finally. The DOMINO, has come back….
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY! We’re mindless idiots! YAAYYYYYYYYY.
[Kay raises an eyebrow as RJ falls to his knees. Clutching at his midsection.]
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! DOMINO! DOMINO! DOMINO! DOMINO!
Domino: RJ, you look hurt. Did somebody shoot you? (She puts the mic to RJ’s lips then quickly pulls it back) IT DOESN’T MATTER, if somebody shot you. The only thing that MATTERS, is that the Domino has come back to lay the smack down on all their
Domino/crowd: ROODY POO, candy asses!
TP: Man o man!
GBH: Red rum. Yur.
Domino: Let me answer your question with another question. What man wouldn’t want to be in Kay Fabe’s body?
[RJ tips over, begging for help.]
Domino: RJ, take your ass to the corner of Domino Rally Drive and Tip Over Avenue and stop into into Domino’s Pizza and smell what the Domino’s cooking.
Domino: I see all these little jabronys running around in BOB, trying to act like the great one, trying to act like The Domino. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There is only one most exciting man in sports entertainment, and that’s The Domino!
[Crowd roars. Good God, that wasn’t the crowd….is there a bear in the audience!]
Domino: So the Domino says if you want your monkey ass made famous, anytime, anyplace jabronies. He’ll take his left boot. Step in some dog piss. Step in some dog crap. Step in Nurse Heidi’s panties. Turn that sumbtich sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!
[Eyebrow goes up. A bear jumps the ‘guardrail’ thing and walks toward the ring.]
GBH: Boo boo. Yur.
TP: Uh oh. Here comes a bear, and I don’t think it wants a picnic basket! Ahhh!
[The bear gets in the ring, all the while, Kay/Domino is soaking up the crowd chanting his/her name. The bear slides under the bottom rope. The Domino notices the intruder.]
Domino: Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa WHOA.
Domino: Who in the blue hell are you?
Bear: Roar. Roooooarrrr.
Domino: Well I got news for you Gentle Ben. Now you’ve stepped into the ring. But it’s not any old ring. This is the human’s ring.
Domino: So listen up Smokey. I’m not gonna start any forest fires, but I am gonna whoop your monkey ass.
[The bear looks back toward his behind. Then he looks back at the Domino.]
Domino: You know you can’t go one….on one….with the great one. Because the Domino now has…..the people’s pie!
Domino: Not to mention, the people’s cantaloupes!
Domino: In front of the millions…..
Crowd: And MILLIONS!!!!
Domino: Of the Domino’s fans, live on BOB, Yogi, just bring it.
[Domino puts her hand out and tells the bear to bring it. You know the gesture. Palm up. Fingers coming back toward the palm of the hand like it’s trying to do a one-handed clap. Suddenly, another POP, POP goes and the bear falls over. The Domino looks down at the bear. Ah, so somebody was trying to shoot the bear and shot RJ. That explains everything. The Domino takes off the shades and looks at the crowd, wide-eyed.]
TP: We may be about to see the most exciting move in sports entertainment today.
Crowd: DOMINO, DOMINO, DOMINO!
[The Domino bounches off one side of the ring, then the other and delivers…]
TP: The People’s Shuffle! Domino makes the cover and hooks the leg.
[The Domino gets on the ropes and celebrates with the fans and we go to commercials.]