In the dressing room at ANDE
–”Charlie” is preparing for his upcoming match with Andrew Spink at A Near Deth Experience by taping his thumb on his right hand. He’s never put “The Tet Offensive” on a midget before and the anticipation is killing him. He paces around the room frantically as Viet Kong tries to help Blackjack Hooligan out of his Saint Patrick’s get-up.–
“Charlie”: HELLRO! STOOPID PEEPOLE! Mee gonna may-ke diss shor an’ swee…juss rike Androo Speenk. Him shor an’ swee, too. SOOKIE! Him rearry shor an’ eet gonna bee swee too stickee mee thoomb eentoo him neek as far as eet can go! Speenk, YOO STEENK! Yoo shoold bee cawoled ANDROO STEENK! Mee kickee yoor ah-soh RONG TIME! MEE SOO HORNEE!
Blackjack Hooligan: Aye…lahdie “Charlie”. You messin’ oop again you are. Don’t tell the lad you’re horny…OUCH! Kong, watch tha jimmy will ya? You’re smashin’ my doob you are.
(Hooligan takes a big swig of “Stinky McNasty’s Irish Holiday Green Beer In A Bottle.”
“Charlie”: Sorree…me geet carry away sumtime. Speenk, yoo nev-a geet reffee too seet awn mee fay-ce. MEE KIWOLE YOO FIRSS! AN’ WHOO GEEVE DOSE REDNEEKS FRON’ ROW SEETS?! How mee posed too splain dat too Vietmese govenment?
Blackjack Hooligan: Sorry. Dat was me it was. I’ll pay foor tha tickets oot of me oown poocket I will.
“Charlie”: Pay wit what? BEE OH BEE pay yoo wit beer an’ awlkeehowole!
Blackjack Hooligan: Aye, you right…laaaaaaaaahdie. Maybe it time I ask foor a raise it is.
(Hooligan gulps down some “Vietnamese Tequila with Leech.” He takes the leech, holds it a second between his teeth, then swallows it. Wipes his chin.)
Blackjack Hooligan: DAT HITS THA SPOOT IT DOES! AYYYYYYYE!